Badoo

[Pregnanttoad]

Hi
I'm wondering if anyone can help me please.
Checked some online bank statements with my partner for something and I noticed repeated transactions showing £5.49 from [email protected]
He's saying they are transactions from online phone games however when I asked him to show me the games he wouldn't.
He was also very attentive last night in a way that suggested he was feeling guilty. I had a horrible feeling in my stomach when I saw the transactions and it hasn't gone away.
I'm not someone who has trust issues, I'm usually pretty chilled.
Is there anyone who can advise me please? Partner has denied any wrong doing etc and has said he won't buy online games anymore, I said I have absolutely no issue with him buying online games, but it doesn't make sense that transactions are saying Badoo on it?
Thanks

I just have these niggling thoughts in my head and I know I need to listen to them. I thought he had learnt from this and accepted responsibility but I'm also scared that it is lip service so I don't leave.
These comments help me massively

That's what I feel like she is thinking however I also have to remember he is telling me this. He could be saying this to make me question myself and in reality it's all coming from him and not his mum. It's not a conversation I will have with her cos I've got bigger things to think about.

I also think that she takes on a lot of responsibility as he has a learning disability which does impact on him, however, his learning disability does not excuse him of his despicable behaviour towards me and his son, his prolonged cheating and repeated lies and betrayal.

I just hope I can make the right decision and hold strong. I am a strong woman.
I want to be a strong mother and woman for me and my children. I want them to have positive role models in their lives and I never want them to make the same mistakes as I have done in relationships. I want better for my children

OP, you say you respect yourself but are willing to spend your time checking your partner’s phone because you don’t trust him (rightly).

People don’t “work through” such blatant, callous infidelity. They work through stuff which occurs through circumstance or miscommunication. I guarantee 100% that if you stay with him you’ll be back here within a year with the same problem. Your partner is sad because he got found out, no other reason.

Finally, I’ll just leave these two snippets here:

1 He can always get a second phone and hide it.
2 If you do stay with him, get on some foolproof contraception.

I'm not willing to spend my life checking his phone or walking on eggshells. Without trust there is no relationship and I will not waste my life checking his phone and worrying about what he is up to.

I am 95% sure I am leaving him, I just need to find the strength and confidence. I have a plan of moving in with my mum until my sister gets her new house then moving in with my sister while I build up money and sort out a house of my own. I have contacted the local housing.

I am in a better mind frame than I have been for days. Your responses are making me question things in a good way and build strength.

I also think he is love bombing me. I'm getting lots of messages saying together forever and that he wants to marry me within the next 12 months and shit like that. I've said to him that it's all pressure but I'm still getting messages like this

He's starting to realise that you might be serious about ending it and is desperately trying to keep you back where he wants you. It's easy to fall for, but almost never lasts. He's not trying to change or do anything other than tell you what he thinks you want to hear.

Yeah I feel like he is giving me lip service. Telling me what he thinks I want to hear.
It's like the scales have gone off my eyes. He is making strange comments.
I am likely to leave tomorrow but it's going to be hard as I have my in laws and him in the house.
I will need to load baby into the car, pull up in front of the house and load my car very quickly.

Can your sister or other family member help so it's not quite so intimidating?

Don’t let him put you in a bad position financially or with your living arrangements. You don’t need to leave. Why can’t he leave? Even if he won’t you can stay there while you find a permanent solution. You can tell him you are seeing whether you can get over it. Once you have a place lined up you can decide if he’s capable of change and whether you can get over it. What you need is options. Don’t believe anything he tells you. He needs to prove with actions and transparency

Unfortunately not as they live 60 miles away.

It has to be me leaving as we are living with his parents at the moment. I would have to leave quickly and then I could return to pick up more stuff

I have just been through this. I have a 7 week old and have been dealing with this since I found out at 24 weeks, the day we had actually been for our daughters 4d scan. I always had suspicions he was meeting women and on that particular day he pulled out his phone to check for an email receipt and I just happened to see an app which at first i wasn’t sure off but it was very obvious it was a dating app (app had 2 hearts) I then googled the app that evening, found out what it was and downloaded it and made an account myself and there he was posting all over. We did break up but ended up back together. A few weeks later at 1am his phone was ringing like a hotline and he wouldn’t get out of bed to check it which ended up in an argument. Another few weeks passed and at 3am his phone started ringing over and over and yet again he refused to check it so I broke up with him again. This breaking up and getting back together after endless apologies and him actually denying everything carried on back and forth. At 8 months pregnant whilst being intimate I went to touch him and he grabbed my hand and I thought I heard him pull a condom off so I checked the bin and there it was, he still denied it. He had obviously slept with someone and was worried about giving me something whilst pregnant so slyly put a condom on. When our daughter was 2 weeks old I discovered chats he’d been having with women who he’d had past intimate relationships with. It just went on and on. It was actually only yesterday I begrudgingly decided to say ok one last try as he has sworn he’s changed and is all about me and our daughter now. I have no idea how it will end up but at this point I’m kind of careless x

I've taken my son and gone to my sister's, separating from him. He was reluctant to show me his Badoo account but eventually did. I only saw for a few minutes as it all blew up as he was messaging women saying he had been single for 6 months etc and the messages just made me realise how hard he had worked to speak with them. I said we're over and i ran upstairs with baby and locked myself in. He was shouting and trying to get in the room so I had to hold the baby in one arm and the door with the other. I left the house with baby and some of our stuff. I'm safe, I'm upset and hurting but pleased that I can rebuild my life as a single mum and be proud that instead of staying in a relationship that isn't right, I've ended it and I'm going to be happier for it.
Thank you for your support and please continue to post to support me if possible as I will need all the help I can get staying strong and apart from him

Is anyone around? He was blocked on Badoo but managed to get on by using a code. Does anyone know what that's about please? Not that it matters

What do you mean blocked? Did he suspend his account and has activated it again? Or did badoo block him from using it?

He said Badoo blocked him because women had made complaints about him? It's all just bullshit, it doesn't even matter.
What a mess and now I have to coparent with another wanker. I'm such a stupid stupid woman

So if they blocked him he would have to appeal that. I used ChatGPT for info.

Are u ok? U must be in shock

Stay strong OP, you can and will get through this.
Caring thoughts for you and the kids. X

I'm ok. Hanging in there, very sad but just focusing on one day at a time and focusing on my children

This is really sad and you are allowed to feel that way. But you have been really brave. Whilst it hurts now you have the opportunity to heal. If you go back the anxiety and hurt you feel now will become your new normal. That’s what you need to focus on. It will hurt more now in the short term because as well as the hurt of his betrayal you are dealing with the loss of the relationship. But in the long term the anxiety over whether he will do it again will wear you down until you are a shell. You are leaving him to be the best person and mother to your children.

I have only just found this thread and I read through it hoping that you would find the strength to leave him.

Really well done. That must have been so scary yesterday evening, and exhausting for you. But you’ve got to your sister’s and away from him and his frankly weirdo mother.

Your older three DCs are with their dad - so while I can imagine that co parenting relationship is not always easy he does see and look after the children. That’s a credit to both of you!

As for current partner, he is unspeakable. But your lovely baby has you, your family, half siblings…so much love to come their way. You have done the right thing. Stay strong. Every option available to you is better than going back to him and his toxic values.

He will have to have done some pretty shitty stuff to be banned from a dating site.

Usually unsolicited pics and gross messages.

I'm so glad you've left him. Stay strong, and keep reminding yourself over 150 women.

Thank you everyone. I am going out with my teens this morning while my sister looks after my baby for me. I am staying strong but still so heartbroken..he is bombarding me with messages when I have said we speak about baby only. I've told him it's over but he won't listen to I am having to hold myself strong so I don't go back. He is the man who has broken my heart and he is the one I want to hold me to console me. Such a sad situation especially as we really did have a wonderful relationship but his betrayal and disgusting ways ruined it

It's because men know what to look for and when we are vulnerable they can get us caught in feelings, move in on us, get us pregnant, and then feel we're trapped so they can go and play about.

You don't attract them, they seek us out.

If you split you would receive universal credit and could work part-time alongside that. You could use the free time when kids are at dad's to improve all your prospects. Don't date, wait a bit and just chill, get a nice place to live, find out what you truly want.

See this as an opportunity. He's the mug, not you.

Yeah my focus is the children. I've sent off to be registered with a local GP etc. I'm just going to chill for the rest of the day and just be kind to myself