It’s my time off (three weeks). I’ve worked crazy hours over the past four months—60 to 72 hours a week—so I really needed this break to recharge.
I decided to deep-clean and reorganize the house, which I did. For the rest of the days, I planned to have some “me time” as well as some days to do whatever my husband wanted.
But...
Every day, he has some video he wants to show me. I don’t mind it occasionally, but it’s just too much. He knows I don’t enjoy watching long podcasts or lengthy YouTube videos.
I do it out of politeness, and to show compromise on my part. But the videos are becoming excessive. Some of these podcasts are over an hour long. He’ll say, “Oh babe, let me quickly show you something,” just as I’m about to start cooking or when I’m clearly in the middle of something. In my head, I think it’s going to be a short clip—but it ends up being 20–40 minutes. Sometimes, this happens two or three times a day.
He used to do this in the past. I brought it up, and let’s just say he didn’t take it well—he got defensive. But he did cut down at the time.
Recently, when I politely mentioned that I had things to do or that the video was an hour long, he dismissed it, saying the problem with my generation is that we have the attention span of a goldfish—or that I have ADHD.
I don’t mind compromising and watching something sometimes, if it’s important to him. But he doesn’t seem to understand that he overwhelms me.
What’s also frustrating is that if I say I haven’t heard of something, instead of summarizing or just telling me the story, he’ll play an entire YouTube video or podcast—often over an hour long. Even if he’s already seen it, he wants me to watch it. And then, in between, he’ll keep pausing it to add his own commentary.
Recently, he asked if I’d heard of some crime story. I said no, assuming he would just tell me about it. Instead, he played a podcast. Then he went to the bedroom to take a nap. I assumed he just wanted me to hear a short clip, maybe five minutes. It was over an hour long. So even when he’s asleep, it felt like he was infringing on my personal time. When he woke up, he asked me what the podcast was about. Turns out he hadn’t seen it himself and expected me to explain it to him. Internally, I felt really miffed.
Then, the night before I was due to go back to work, I made it very clear—over a week in advance—that I needed that particular day to rest and recharge. I got up in the morning, did the usual chores, and planned to wind down in the early evening. I needed to get myself back into a routine, especially since I wake up at 5 a.m. and work 12-hour days.
As the evening progressed, he suddenly said, “Let’s go out and get some dessert.” He already knew I had to wake up early. The place he mentioned was about 20 minutes away. I agreed, only because I didn’t want conflict, and he seemed excited.
We got there, picked up dessert, and then he said, “Let’s go for a stroll.” I reminded him that I needed to get home and go to bed for work. His response was, “Oh, you’re only going to be on your phone.” Even if I was—so what? He said it would only be five minutes. I agreed.
But the stroll was longer than five minutes. He kept stopping at random places, looking at things along the way. It felt... strange.
When we finally got home, he started talking about his extended family issues. I listened supportively—for over an hour. Now it was nearly midnight. I said, “Okay, good night.” He turned off the lights.
Thirty minutes later, he started fondling me and suggesting we have sex. I refused because I was exhausted. He did respect that decision tbf.
What I found odd was: I’d been off for three weeks, and not once did he initiate sex or show any interest. So why that night? I recalled that he did the exact same thing last year—on the night before I returned to work after a break, when I had to be up early. That time, I went along with it and ended up going to bed at 2:30 a.m., then woke up at 5 a.m. for work.
Then when I came back from work this time, he was just lying in bed doing nothing. He’s been off for the past two weeks. I asked him twice to boil pasta (I’d already cooked the sauce). He didn’t—and instead made up a story about how I ignored him when I got home. That’s a blatant lie—I greeted him when I walked in. So I ended up doing dinner myself.
I honestly believe he did all this on purpose. But then I wonder—am I just being paranoid? Why would he do that?
I’m confused.