He never takes me out to restaurants

[Newboyf101]

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months and it was great at the start, but now I feel like he's really just stopped putting in the effort a bit. Everything else about him is great, he's attentive, always telling me he loves me and helps out around the house when he's here.
But in the last few weeks, I've just realized he has taken me out to dinner once the whole time I've been with him.
I've also counted and I have taken him out for dinner 4 times and paid and also taken him out for brunch a couple of times. It's been me that suggested going out for food as he never does.
This is niggling at me to be honest and I don't know whether to bring it up or not as everything else about him is great. I have decided that I'm not going to be treating him to anymore dinners out and I'm not going to be suggesting going out anywhere for a meal.
Should I just suck this up even though we are only at 7 months and this is obviously as good as it's going to get or do I say something to him about it? I'm also scared of losing him if I do say something or him being really offended.
It's hard to say this to him without coming across shallow, I'm not shallow , I just would like to be brought out a bit more and treated more and go out on more dates.
I just feel he's got comfortable too soon.

Does he buy gifts? Is he stingy financially in other areas? I couldn't be with anyone who was mean with money.

If after 7 months he’s a bit shit it’s not going to get any better

@PinkFlloyd if he's coming to mine , then he will bring snacks for us etc and I do the same if I'm going to his.

People treat you how you allow them to. If that sort of thing and the effort is important to you then it doesn’t sound like he’s right for you. I’d talk to him first though explain how you feel and gave his reaction

Maybe he doesn’t especially like going out to eat? You need to look at the overall picture like others said - is he constantly trying to get out of paying for stuff, never makes an effort more generally etc etc to decide if this is the real him after a (very short) putting extra effort in or not

@Dunnocantthinkofone He does pay for stuff , like a takeaway or McDonalds but I don't know, I guess this is bothering me enough that I'm writing a post about it on Mumsnet.

I could just try and think, oh well everything else about him is good but at the same time, it's only been 7 months and he's taken me out for a nice meal once

A takeaway or macciD’s is a zero effort thing (which I suspect is your issue) but points to it not being a money problem then. Is he comfortable financially?

some people aren’t too keen on dressing up to go to fancy places. Maybe suggest you both go to a low key pub for Sunday lunch and pay for yourselves ? Raise the topic

Have you actually told him you’d like him to take you out?

@Dunnocantthinkofone yes exactly, it's zero effort. If I don't say anything then I know I'm going to get resentful about it especially the longer we see each other. Plus he's not a mind reader and as far as he knows , everything is going great. He has no idea I feel like this.

@JamDisaster I haven't , because it's a money/effort related thing , I find it awkward to bring it up. I don't know how to say it without it making things really awkward after and potentially tarnishing things between us

So rather than go all out accusatory, suggest each of you has to plan a day or evening out once a month as a ‘date night’ to keep things fresh. So you do something once a fortnight and each of you has to plan stuff that they think you will both enjoy

Some people don’t like going to restaurants. Is it that? My DH hates it but is romantic in lots of little thoughtful ways.

@Mumlaplomb paying for ourselves isn't really what I was wanting. That's what friends do.
I have treated him a few times to dinner and brunch and he has brought me out for dinner once.

@Cutleryclaire no, he definitely likes going out to restaurants and is happy to go if I suggest them, he just never suggests going out

If that's not shallow then don't be with him as other than that he sounds great. If I based my hubby on that well I wouldn't be happily married with kids now. Even tho he worked full time I figured very quickly this covered his bills and a bit extra not a enough for the price of restaurants. Fortunately I was happy with how I was treated as a person and how he was around my house at the time it didn't matter to me. 5 years on we now do restaurant, days out as we are in a good financial position but it still wouldn't bother me as being loved means more :)

@Dunnocantthinkofone thanks, I really don't want us to fall out over this so I need to think of a way to put it that isn't hostile but also is acknowledging how I am feeling.

@Rayqueen fair enough, maybe my love language is different, I don't know. But I would just like more effort from him in this regard. It is niggling at me and I'm trying to tell myself that my feelings are valid.

Are your disposable dissimilar? A decent meal.for two is not peanuts. Can he afford it?

Just ask him. What does he like to do, does he enjoy going for meals? Let him know you’d like more date nights.

It absolutely wouldn’t matter to me who paid as long as it’s fairly even in the long run but I’ve never set much value on whether we split the bill or not.

I’m assuming you would be just as happy with a lower spend walk in the park/picnic or similar? If it’s effort you want and money is an issue make sure it doesn’t come across as ‘I want you to spend a load of money on me to prove you care’ - you’ll come across as grabby which is a total turn off

If he can't afford to , then I would rather he was just honest and told me this. As it just appears to be a lack of effort or laziness

Is this part of a bigger picture of low effort or is it just the restaurant thing? For example does he make an effort on your birthday to celebrate it how you like or other nice surprises if you haven’t had a birthday since dating him? Not that he needs to be spending loads of money necessarily but is he thoughtful about what you like? For example DH makes a big effort on my birthday, not with lavish presents (although he’s generous) but with taking the day off work, going somewhere I’m interested in, generally making me feel special and like I’m worth putting in some effort for. Other times it’s little things like going out of his way to get me some chocolates from my favourite shop. Does he do things like this or is it just the easy things he does for you?

If not taking you out for a meal is part of a general not being thoughtful I’d think hard about whether you want this.

It sounds like all you do is go round to yours / go round to his. When discussing plans, perhaps say you don’t just want to stay in and what would he suggest? If he has no ideas, just don’t meet up that night. Of course you will also need to add in some suggestions to even it up at times. They don’t need to be expensive options but forces you both to make an effort.