He never takes me out to restaurants

[Newboyf101]

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months and it was great at the start, but now I feel like he's really just stopped putting in the effort a bit. Everything else about him is great, he's attentive, always telling me he loves me and helps out around the house when he's here.
But in the last few weeks, I've just realized he has taken me out to dinner once the whole time I've been with him.
I've also counted and I have taken him out for dinner 4 times and paid and also taken him out for brunch a couple of times. It's been me that suggested going out for food as he never does.
This is niggling at me to be honest and I don't know whether to bring it up or not as everything else about him is great. I have decided that I'm not going to be treating him to anymore dinners out and I'm not going to be suggesting going out anywhere for a meal.
Should I just suck this up even though we are only at 7 months and this is obviously as good as it's going to get or do I say something to him about it? I'm also scared of losing him if I do say something or him being really offended.
It's hard to say this to him without coming across shallow, I'm not shallow , I just would like to be brought out a bit more and treated more and go out on more dates.
I just feel he's got comfortable too soon.

You sound quite immature. Suggest going out if you want and split the cost 50/50 like adults do. There shouldn’t be any of this “him taking me out” or “me taking him out” nonsense. Also have a conversation with him and tell him you like going out. Ask him what he likes and doesn’t like.

Also raise your bar! It’s seems to be set very low if you think this is a great boyfriend.

Yes, this. Both of you sound really passive. You've been together seven months, you don't have to 'take each other out'. You can go out, together, to places you both like, and you spilt the cost or take it in turns. It's not the 1950s.

OP has paid for four dinners and a couple of brunches. He seems to like it when it's free.

This thread has got me thinking that maybe my own bar is low - I’m in my 50s and I can’t think of a single time in my life when a boyfriend/partner has taken me out to dinner and paid.

Ive been in a small group when a man has announced at the end of the night that he is paying for everyone. I’ve paid for female friends’ meals and female friends have paid for my meal. Maybe it’s me who’s odd!

I’m sometimes over generous (a couple of close friends have told me to stop it). I don’t do it for direct reciprocation but then I do think at times it’s daft of me. I realise that people have different approaches and some people will accept your generosity (why wouldn’t they) but don’t feel compelled to reciprocate in any way as my generous act was entirely my choice and doing if makes me happy.

It is though different in a romantic relationship I think.

If it turns out that the reason he doesn’t suggest going out for meals is that his finances don’t allow for it, is that going to be a problem for you? Ie mismatched desires as to how you spend your time together. This will extend to holidays and similar expenditure. Some people are happy to accept a difference in disposable income if the person is wonderful in all other respects; others aren’t. I’d decide which it is for you before bringing it up.

If he was a decent kind of guy, he wouldn't have let you take him out and pay for so many meals and brunches already - he would have recognised that there was an imbalance and insisted on paying to keep things fair. But he didn't, because he's happy to let you pay.

Men like this dont suddenly become generous because you point out the disparity. They do, however, come up with lots of excuses as to why they can't afford to take you out.

In a healthy and balanced relationship, this sort of thing doesn't happen. He sounds selfish. That's not a good trait for a partner to have.

Should I just suck this up even though we are only at 7 months and this is obviously as good as it's going to get or do I say something to him about it? I'm also scared of losing him if I do say something or him being really offended.
If "this is as good as it's going to get" and it is disappointing, then you should not be scared of losing him. You don't want to go long-term with someone underwhelming. And if he gets really offended over you carefully bringing up a minor issue, and will not accept an explanation, then he's not worth your time either. OTOH if you bring it up nicely and he either reacts well or is a bit miffed but gets over it and sees your point, then you'll feel delighted to have a decent bf.

I am definitely going to be pulling back on my effort and mirroring what he does and I hope he starts to notice this.
a) I bet he doesn't notice
b) If he does notice, he'll be annoyed you didn't simply tell him what you were thinking
b) you can't complain about him making no effort and then do exactly the same thing yourself
c) silently punishing someone for something they don't realise is annoying is very poor behaviour

He's brought food over, made dinner, bought takeaways. He's made some effort and could reasonably think it's what you want. He might think that you've taken over the role of the fine diner and he's doing the rest.

A conversation might start like this:

• Do you like going to restaurants? I've noticed it's usually me taking you out and not vice versa. Are they not your thing?
• You know, it would be really nice to be asked out for a meal from time to time. Your home cooking's great, but I'd love to be asked out!
• We've only been together seven months and it feels like we're spending a lot of time at home. I'd like to go out more. How about you?

This!

So he's happy to go if you pay but doesn't suggest it himself in case he has to pay? I'm not sure why you keep on paying!

I'm broadly in agreement with a lot of what's been said previously, and with OP saying it's better to talk directly than hint.

My addition:
Some people are just brought up with different versions of "polite" - and you haven't specified how you came to pay the other times, so giving him a massive benefit of the doubt:

I would, just once, have the conversation with him, along the lines of "let's go out to dinner", and assuming he says yes, (but before you go, and indeed before you agree where you're going), following it up with: "I've paid for us both the last few times, so I think it's your turn, what do you think?" - I think how he responds to that will probably give you a good idea of how he'll be longer term - if he agrees and does it with no issue, if he chooses a restaurant that's at your usual standard or if he resists or tried to choose somewhere cheaper etc.
And however he responds, that can lead you into the deeper conversation about what you're looking for in terms of dates and equal financial inputs into the relationship.