He never takes me out to restaurants

[Newboyf101]

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months and it was great at the start, but now I feel like he's really just stopped putting in the effort a bit. Everything else about him is great, he's attentive, always telling me he loves me and helps out around the house when he's here.
But in the last few weeks, I've just realized he has taken me out to dinner once the whole time I've been with him.
I've also counted and I have taken him out for dinner 4 times and paid and also taken him out for brunch a couple of times. It's been me that suggested going out for food as he never does.
This is niggling at me to be honest and I don't know whether to bring it up or not as everything else about him is great. I have decided that I'm not going to be treating him to anymore dinners out and I'm not going to be suggesting going out anywhere for a meal.
Should I just suck this up even though we are only at 7 months and this is obviously as good as it's going to get or do I say something to him about it? I'm also scared of losing him if I do say something or him being really offended.
It's hard to say this to him without coming across shallow, I'm not shallow , I just would like to be brought out a bit more and treated more and go out on more dates.
I just feel he's got comfortable too soon.

@CountryGirlInTheCity my birthday is in November so I haven't been with him when it's been my birthday so I've no idea what he would do for my birthday. He doesn't really buy me gifts but he will bring over snacks that he knows I like. He has cooked me dinner a couple of times as well.

It sounds that you value him much more than he values you. I sense your tippy toeing around him. You are afraid to lose him and can’t speak up for yourself. Why?

So what kind of things do you do together? Cinema, theatre, walks?

@dontcryformeargentina I agree, I'm worried how he will take it

@Rafting2022 we haven't been to the cinema in ages. If we do go out, we go for walks, go for a drive somewhere, a day trip.

@Newboyf101You need to tip the scales in your favour. 1. Mirror back his behavior 2. Do not invest more into this relationship than he does 3. Men don’t value the over investment, it make them think something is wrong with you and trigger the devalue process. 4. Keep your options open till he commits wholeheartedly. 5. At the moment, you are not Ms Right for him but Ms Right Now, hence, stinginess.

This is a really bad sign OP. You should feel comfortable telling him what you would like to do. It doesn't have to be performative "romantic" gestures, but next time he suggests coming to yours, surely you could say - I feel like going out instead of staying in, how about we go out for dinner?

@dontcryformeargentina great advice, thank you. He is committed and we are boyfriend and girlfriend but I am definitely going to be pulling back on my effort and mirroring what he does and I hope he starts to notice this.
I think I'm also going to just tell him how I feel to be honest. If I'm annoyed about something, it's hard to hide that and he's going to sense that I'm being odd with him

@ReadingTime I don't mean I'm worried that he will go mad and be angry or abusive, I just mean , I'm worried that it will put him off me and he won't like me as much or decide to end things

I'd seriously reassess things. If the romance is dead this early on the future looks very bleak!

You should bring it up with him, sounds like a freeloader to me.

@ReadingTime yes but if I suggest going out for dinner, then he will probably assume that I'm paying and the whole point of it is for him to suggest going out for dinner or brunch and him paying.

@NeedZzzzzssss yeah it's really shit because everything else about him is great

Well if he does do that because you voice a reasonable request, it means he's not a good boyfriend. If that's how he's going to react, you're better off finding that out sooner rather than later.

I'm going on holiday for a week tomorrow so I'm going to have to wait till I come back to say anything

Well if everything else about him is great, then maybe it's not too bad. No one is perfect. I'd have a chat with him though. My concern about it is it means he's thoughtless, not spontaneous, passive, cheap etc. Eg taking you out to dinner, is taking charge and planning something nice, some thought has gone into it, as well as treating you to a nice meal and evening out.

I'm always reading that communication is key in relationships and if I don't say anything then, what is the point in having a boyfriend if I can't be honest with him and tell him when something about him is bothering me.

Then say "I'd like you to take me out for dinner." If that's enough reason for him to dump you, then you're well rid.

It sounds like there's something wrong with your power dynamic if you're worried about being dumped over saying this. He does also sound a bit boring and lazy. Do you really want him as a long-term partner if this is how things are going to be?

@ReadingTime thanks, I totally agree..I need to grow a pair!

I agee that he sounds really boring and dull!! Where's the passion, the wooing??! you're 7 months in, the honeymoon period. I'd give him one chance, have chat, then see how it goes. I couldn't be with someone like this. 'he brings snacks' it's all so low effort on his part.

@Allmychickenscometoroost thanks, yes, I agree. I also wrote on here so I could see if I was being unreasonable or not but from what people are saying, it seems I'm not.

I hate restaurants, I find the food is too salty and laid out deceptively; looks better than it tastes! I don’t like the noise either.

Could be he doesn’t like restaurants. Does he order much food? If he does than he should at least offer.

@beelegal he definitely likes restaurants and has gone anytime I've suggested and enjoyed it. He just never suggests going to them himself.

@Newboyf101 I think you are lovely and kind and maybe too nice for your own good. Don’t be too attached to the outcome. Whatever happens is for the best. Don’t be afraid on your return. Address what bothers you.

@dontcryformeargentina thank you and I will. If he leaves me or has doubts about me after it then as heartbroken as I will be, I will just have to accept that he wasn't the right guy for me