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Original poster

He never takes me out to restaurants

87 replies

Newboyf101 · 06/08/2025 22:26

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months and it was great at the start, but now I feel like he's really just stopped putting in the effort a bit. Everything else about him is great, he's attentive, always telling me he loves me and helps out around the house when he's here.
But in the last few weeks, I've just realized he has taken me out to dinner once the whole time I've been with him.
I've also counted and I have taken him out for dinner 4 times and paid and also taken him out for brunch a couple of times. It's been me that suggested going out for food as he never does.
This is niggling at me to be honest and I don't know whether to bring it up or not as everything else about him is great. I have decided that I'm not going to be treating him to anymore dinners out and I'm not going to be suggesting going out anywhere for a meal.
Should I just suck this up even though we are only at 7 months and this is obviously as good as it's going to get or do I say something to him about it? I'm also scared of losing him if I do say something or him being really offended.
It's hard to say this to him without coming across shallow, I'm not shallow , I just would like to be brought out a bit more and treated more and go out on more dates.
I just feel he's got comfortable too soon.

OP posts:
iamnotalemon · 06/08/2025 23:55

It could be for financial reasons, or he just doesn’t value going out to a restaurant - may not necessarily be an effort thing. Talk to him.

beetr00 · 07/08/2025 00:01

Newboyf101 · 06/08/2025 23:50

@beelegal he definitely likes restaurants and has gone anytime I've suggested and enjoyed it. He just never suggests going to them himself.

And so who paid? that would be illuminating.

If you take it turn about, then no problem?

It may also be that he is just not proactive but is happy for you to organise your social life and equally remunerate?

Does he?

Original poster
Newboyf101 · 07/08/2025 00:08

@beetr00 any time I've suggested to go to a restaurant I have paid, that's why I refuse to suggest going out again.

OP posts:
Franjipanl8r · 07/08/2025 00:11

I'm also scared of losing him if I do say something or him being really offended.

You need to say “right we’re going out to dinner and it’s your turn to treat me, where shall we go?” and see his reaction. Say it breezily with a smile.

If you honestly think he would dump you for saying something like that, then he’s not a keeper.

workshy46 · 07/08/2025 00:12

I can’t believe he’s let you pay multiple times and never reciprocated.. never offered to pay. Let alone not even bothering to organise a night out or a restaurant you might like to try. Unless he’s broke which would be an issue for me he’s just lazy and mean actually too. Can’t believe anyone thinks this is ok .. people’s standards are rock bottom on this site. I would say something and go from there if you want to salvage something

crumblingschools · 07/08/2025 00:16

What do you normally do for food when you are together? How did you meet? Are your finances similar?

Enough4me · 07/08/2025 00:18

He knows he hasn't asked you out and paid and he enjoys you treating him. Sounds like he accepts you as a bonus for his life but isn't bothered to reciprocate.

beetr00 · 07/08/2025 00:21

Newboyf101 · 07/08/2025 00:08

@beetr00 any time I've suggested to go to a restaurant I have paid, that's why I refuse to suggest going out again.

and for that reason alone @Newboyf101 you need to let this one go.

HE is not your one

Allmychickenscometoroost · 07/08/2025 00:35

beetr00 · 07/08/2025 00:21

and for that reason alone @Newboyf101 you need to let this one go.

HE is not your one

Show quote history

I agree. He will fundamentally never change. He will make an effort for a bit, but this is who he is.

Suednymph · 07/08/2025 08:29

He is stingy so. Any man that willingly will go out when asked and allows the woman to pick up the bill 4 times to his once is stingy. He is waiting for you to ask so he can act surprised when you tell him it is his turn to get the bill and I think i would do just that just to see if he really is mean.

BuckChuckets · 07/08/2025 08:35

Newboyf101 · 07/08/2025 00:08

@beetr00 any time I've suggested to go to a restaurant I have paid, that's why I refuse to suggest going out again.

I find this odd. You need to say oi it's your turn to treat me, thank you very much.

StrawberryCranberry · 07/08/2025 08:52

I find it a bit odd to assume that whoever suggests it has to pay. That sounds like a good way to make sure neither of you suggest anything expensive! When I've been dating we've usually taken turns, unless there's a particular reason why one person is treating the other (a birthday or whatever).

childofthe607080s · 07/08/2025 08:54

Perhaps he is not a fussed as you about going out for dinner / some people aren’t , it’s not normal for them to eat out

I wouldn’t want to pay because it was my turn doing something I wouldn’t do except that you wanted to

edit to add you don’t sound totally compatible and that will exhaust and diminish you in the end. The right person is out there for you

StrawberryCranberry · 07/08/2025 08:54

You do need to discuss this OP. Maybe as part of a more general conversation about plans over the next few weeks?

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 07/08/2025 09:42

What do you actually do when you’re together? Do you go out anywhere at all or are you just going around to each others houses? If it’s just going around to each others houses you need to suggest going out. When you’re out and about, visits to nice cafes, pubs and restaurants will surely form part of the date? It sounds like you’re in a rut already at only 7 months in. You need to be dating more and sitting on the sofa less. If he’s not interested in doing anything he’s not the one for you.

Dunnocantthinkofone · 07/08/2025 10:08

Newboyf101 · 06/08/2025 23:32

@ReadingTime I don't mean I'm worried that he will go mad and be angry or abusive, I just mean , I'm worried that it will put him off me and he won't like me as much or decide to end things

Edited

Well your alternative is to meekly accept a situation you are unhappy with FOREVER
Which will eventually lead to resentment and the relationship failing anyway.

LongDrink · 07/08/2025 10:11

Newboyf101 · 06/08/2025 22:48

@Dunnocantthinkofone yes exactly, it's zero effort. If I don't say anything then I know I'm going to get resentful about it especially the longer we see each other. Plus he's not a mind reader and as far as he knows , everything is going great. He has no idea I feel like this.

So you're incompatible. Why then are you so afraid of losing him?

Meandmyguy · 07/08/2025 11:43

How old are you?

You sound quite young.

TheRealGoose · 07/08/2025 11:50

God that’s right, I can’t believe he lets you pay every time you suggest going out to dinner or brunch and only once done the same, the very least at this stage it should be taking it in turns to pay or going half. But sitting there witch his hand out watching you pay after he’s filled his boots, how come you’ve not got the ick. And this scared he will bin you if you call him out on his tightness is really sad. You need to say it to him, I’d like to go out on more dates and take it in turns to pay, meals, cinema etc, what do you think, if he bins you or decides he doesn’t like you as much as you won’t let him continue to take from you then you’re better off out of it, that’s no prince.

TheRealGoose · 07/08/2025 11:51

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 07/08/2025 09:42

What do you actually do when you’re together? Do you go out anywhere at all or are you just going around to each others houses? If it’s just going around to each others houses you need to suggest going out. When you’re out and about, visits to nice cafes, pubs and restaurants will surely form part of the date? It sounds like you’re in a rut already at only 7 months in. You need to be dating more and sitting on the sofa less. If he’s not interested in doing anything he’s not the one for you.

She does suggest if she said, but when she does he lets her pay, he assumes as she’s suggested if she’s treating him. It’s toe curling.

Justanotherdramalama · 07/08/2025 12:08

When you go on days out or to the cinema who pays for that?

spoonbillstretford · 07/08/2025 12:10

Perhaps he doesn't care for eating out or is tight.

Either would be deal-breakers for me.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 07/08/2025 12:13

He might have hidden debt. Whatever the reason, it needs to be discussed, it might be uncomfortable but it is better to be honest in the relationship.

Notmyreality · 07/08/2025 12:13

You sound quite immature. Suggest going out if you want and split the cost 50/50 like adults do. There shouldn’t be any of this “him taking me out” or “me taking him out” nonsense.

Rhubarbandgooseburycrumble · 07/08/2025 12:13

He sounds lazy, tight and the beginnings of a cocklodger! He’s let you pay for all those meals.

Seriously it’s only been 7 months, bin him off. It’s not going to get any better.