TO ALL WHO THINK THE GRASS IS GREENER (LONG SO SORRY)

[Justcallmereallystupid]

This is my first post here and I know many of you will laugh your heads off at my story but I deserve every bit.

I am the woman you all hate.

I married at 27 and went on to have 3 dc who are still young 5 and twins 8. In the early years of marriage my DH and i were so happy. Having the children seemed to change everything ( so i thought at the time). I suffered badly after my youngest DD with PND although I knew it myself I kept it well hidden from everyone else. I claimed i was coping well not a bother when inside I was desperate for help.

Everything my DH did irritated me. He didn;'t pay me any attention, just listening to him eat, snore, speak made me feel disgust. He worked six days a week and then went out all day drinking on a Sunday. I was on my own a lot of the time . When he was in he was so boring (again so i thought at the time) perched in front of the tv every night eating sweets. We hardly ever went out and if we did go somewhere my DH would ger so drunk it was emabarassing to be with him.

Anyway at about this time I met up with an old friend of ours. I started to go out with her. Her BF was friend of ours to. I had lost about five stone (through stress) but looked mcuh better than I had in years.

On our first night out we went to a club and I swear to god i saw this man and just wanted to drop to the floor -- he was gorgeous and as my friend knew him we all got chatting. He was chatty, complimentary and I just melted.

This meeting up became quite regular because I felt so unhappy I could see that his marriage wasn't happy as he was always out on his own too -we all had great time meach week but nothing between us all but it wasn't until about nine months later that anything happened. We eventually got talking about out out unhappy marriages and after some time started an affair. WE would go out at least three times a week (my DH sitting in front of TV eating sweets whilst I went out) we had amazing sex just everything made me feel on top of the world.

I was having the time of my life making me realise how miserable my marriage was. So I told my DH it was over. He was very upset but moved out to give me "space". I broke his heart .AFter a few weeks my OM left his wife and we carried on seeing each other in secret. After about a month of me repeatedly telling my DH there was no chance for us my DH met someone else. I was delighted when I found out the coast was clear for me now.

Leave him.

You made a mistake, it was stupid, you know that. But you don't have to pay for it forever.

Leave him and let yourself be happy.

x

Thsnks Boysarelikedogs.

Stupid c##t aren't I.

I wouldn't call you stupid at all, I can see how easy it could be easy to be caught up in the excitement of the OM (see my first post!)

I'm sorry things are so horrible for you now.....

Not laughing, just feel sorry that this has happened to you. The grass is rarely greener on the other side.
You will survive though, but it sounds as though you need to make some decisions and new choices. You are obviously young enough to start over(whether on your own or with another), so take a good hard look at what you want to do now and get started.
Good luck, I hope it works out better for you in the future.x

not laughing - just sad for you! hope you manage to work something out and life starts looking better for you - perhaps it's time that OM becomes something of the past - don't be too hard on yourself - what's done is done - just try and see how you can change the future

Oh dear how sad.

I don't think your husband sounds like he was great though either being an embarrassment when you were out etc, does not sound good.

It just sounds like you've gone from frying pan to fire

But don't wish for the first one back - you left for a reason. Take off the rosy glasses

Yonknownothing - Because I got the house had to pay off DH so now work all the hours god sends to make ends meet but do rely on DP financially and I hear about that every day too.

I destroyed everything.

terrible case of be careful what you wish for

don;t think anyone would laugh at you

you seem all too aware of the pain you have caused and the pain you are in

you did something very wrong, and are paying a very high price

Oh sweetheart, Leave this man, he sounds like a bully, dont beat yourself up, you deserve to be happy

Oh hun, you need to try and not focus on the mistakes you've made in the past, but focus on what to do now and the future. You don't deserve to spend the rest of your life unhappy. x

Nobody knows what the future holds. You did what you thought was right at the time. You can't blame yourself for that. I think you know what is the right thing for you to do now but it will be very hard for you. Do you have any other support?

No! You did not destroy everything!!!!

Stop thinking that way right now please.

You were unhappy with your husband for various reasons and you thought you had found someone else to cling to - who prob liked you partly because he could see you were desperate.
Now he is showing his true colours and it is time for you to get away from him and be who you are, really, without some loser hanging around you.

I don't know whether your husband was awful or just annoying, but he wasn't ideal was he - and this geezer certainly isn't. But this is not all down to you by any means and you ought really to focus on the next bit rather than wishing for the past I think.

Step 1, get shot of new blokey (he is a dick)

Step 2, take some time to think about what you want

Step 3, well that's up to you - but definitely stay away from those crutch type relationships. Spend a little time by yourself. Otherwise it'll be the third time.

You are not the woman that everyone hates. I certainly don't hate you reading your post.

You've had a very bad time.

Please leave this man. He is no good for you or for your children. Give yourself the chance to make it better.

Good luck

for you but think you are brave to come and tell your story.

It is certainly interesting to someone like me who is sometimes v. discontented with DH and wonders whether would be better off elsewhere.

Definitely sounds like you need to leave OM - and spend some time on your own before getting into a relationship with someone who really cares about you and has something to give.

good luck - it's hard.

Wouldn't laugh - we can all be tempted by greener grass.

Would you not be happier on your own? Rather than being held to emotional ransom?

Can't type at the moment as drying tears on my sleeve. Your kind comments are must appreciated and totally unexpected.

Can confess this is RL.

My DH was a good good man but I couldn't get past my PND and blamed him for everything,.

The OM is a bully you are right but almost has me convinced it is me when I know hand on heart its not. I just bow down cos if i ask why he going out again etc the answer is always "if you don't like it i'm off"

I'm not laughing

well just tell him to fuck off then...dont spend your life unhappy and think that this is your punishment.....the grass isnt greener so just move on.....are you entitled to any benefits????

That was painful just to read; can't imagine what it must be like to live through it.

LEAVE THE OM.

He sounds absolutely foul. Think yourself lucky he's not free to marry you! You can escape quickly! The best way to get perspective, reassess your life and move on will be to have some headspace and restore some self-esteem.

You may have made a mistake but where would you be now if OM hadn't entered your life? Likely still stressed and unhappy in your marriage. Most of the time an affair is a symptom of trouble rather than a cause. Being objective you are probably looking back on your marriage through rose-tinted specs. Don't mean to sound cynical but I do the same, feeling nostalgic for my actually fairly abusive ex

You've admitted you had untreated PND and depression can make the best of us do wild things (I stalked my ex's best friend for a while...don't ask). Don't be too hard on yourself, for one thing it's pointless, for another you owe it to yourself and your kids to make a fresh start, and to believe you WILL be happy again.

Love and luck x

Jeez, if he is threatening to leave then let him go out, don't say anything, and change the locks before he gets home.

It's YOUR home and nobody wants or expects you to be with this idiot - get angry with him, really, get in touch with the part of you who wants to shout, and kick him to the kerb!
How dare he treat you like this ffs?

Once he has gone you will be free. It will feel great believe me

Why do you need him to stay - he's clearly using you

I know it's scary to be alone but you are a grown up and you will be alright - lots of people live alone and are Ok. It ain't forever.

I feel for you.

You can't stay with this man- make plans and move on. It was a mistake. Just remember more 2nd marriages break up than firsts- so you are not the only one.

I wonder though, if hindsight is making you think your DH was really as good as you now think he was- is that because you are comparing him to the man you are now with? Is it a case of thinking the grass was greener with DH now he isn't around? You see, if it HAD worked out with this man, I bet you'd still feel the same bad things your DH that made you leave.

When he says he'll be off- why not let him go? What can you possibly be getting out of this, except pain? You would be better off on your own, and in time, meet someone who cares for you.

be brave and make the change.

Please do not beat yourself up over this. You are also defining yourself by the men in your life (easy to do I know).

Your husband does not sound that brilliant tbh even though you think he was. And other man also does not sound good at all. Sounds as if you should get out.

What do you want to do with your life - to achieve for yourself?

I do think many women (including myself) think we have to put up with quite mediocre relationships and have no right to decent relationships when perhaps we should be aiming for something better.

I must be one of the few who does not look back on my marriage with rose tinted spectacles I actually now think it was a terrrible mistake (save the DCs) and was a very toxic relationship.

I crave a relationship of mutuality if that exists. I don't want some lapdog or on the other hand some man who thinks he is doing me a favour. And where we are both mutually attracted to one another.

Whether I will find it remains to be seen.

No one's laughing at you. We all feel for you. You are hunman, you made a mistake - we have all done things we've regretted but the biggest mistake you could make would be to stay in this situation. Pick yourself up and plan a future for yourself and your dcs. I know it won't be easy but make a decision that when the time is right you will make the change. We will all be here every step of the way to support you.