TO ALL WHO THINK THE GRASS IS GREENER (LONG SO SORRY)

[Justcallmereallystupid]

This is my first post here and I know many of you will laugh your heads off at my story but I deserve every bit.

I am the woman you all hate.

I married at 27 and went on to have 3 dc who are still young 5 and twins 8. In the early years of marriage my DH and i were so happy. Having the children seemed to change everything ( so i thought at the time). I suffered badly after my youngest DD with PND although I knew it myself I kept it well hidden from everyone else. I claimed i was coping well not a bother when inside I was desperate for help.

Everything my DH did irritated me. He didn;'t pay me any attention, just listening to him eat, snore, speak made me feel disgust. He worked six days a week and then went out all day drinking on a Sunday. I was on my own a lot of the time . When he was in he was so boring (again so i thought at the time) perched in front of the tv every night eating sweets. We hardly ever went out and if we did go somewhere my DH would ger so drunk it was emabarassing to be with him.

Anyway at about this time I met up with an old friend of ours. I started to go out with her. Her BF was friend of ours to. I had lost about five stone (through stress) but looked mcuh better than I had in years.

On our first night out we went to a club and I swear to god i saw this man and just wanted to drop to the floor -- he was gorgeous and as my friend knew him we all got chatting. He was chatty, complimentary and I just melted.

This meeting up became quite regular because I felt so unhappy I could see that his marriage wasn't happy as he was always out on his own too -we all had great time meach week but nothing between us all but it wasn't until about nine months later that anything happened. We eventually got talking about out out unhappy marriages and after some time started an affair. WE would go out at least three times a week (my DH sitting in front of TV eating sweets whilst I went out) we had amazing sex just everything made me feel on top of the world.

I was having the time of my life making me realise how miserable my marriage was. So I told my DH it was over. He was very upset but moved out to give me "space". I broke his heart .AFter a few weeks my OM left his wife and we carried on seeing each other in secret. After about a month of me repeatedly telling my DH there was no chance for us my DH met someone else. I was delighted when I found out the coast was clear for me now.

Alexa I like your style.
When my world falls apart ( might be sooner rather than later) i will come looking for you

no laughing here
I don't think you were happy with exh or current man.
Get out, gather yourself and get some self esteem and pride in yourself.

Don't suffer shits honestly tis better to be alone

No laughing, just a big hug. You made a mistake, you were ILL. You know you deserve better, so do you dcs. Sending you strength, you know what you have to do.

Jasper, I have my moments .

We are all human. We all make mistakes. You made a mistake, but that doesn't mean you have to spend the rest of your life paying for it.

When you're in a bad place it's all too easy to get caught up in the idea of how things could be if only they were different. If you'd met someone else instead of this arsehole things might well have been different. It doesn't sound as if your marriage was in a good place at the time anyway so it's entirely possible that that would have ended anyway, regardless of what happened with OM.

You don't have to stay with him. am assuming you own the house? And you're not married to him? In which case when he threatens to leave go upstairs, pack his things and say "off you go then", then change the locks while he's out. As you're not married and he doesn't own a part of the house you're perfectly entitled to do this.

Then seak some counselling for yourself to help you to deal with the past few years.

You're worth better than this. Stop punishing yourself and look forward, not back. .

Good luck x

I was on the other foot. My husband married the ow and they marriage lasted less than 6 mnths. I remained single for three years which was horrible at first espeacially with two young children. But I believe those 3 years on my own was vital to get my head sorted to get to know myself etc. It sounds to me thats what you have been lacking time on your own to get yourself sorted, enjoy sometime with you and your dc. If this relationship is that bad it may be time to call it a day, I know its probably scarey and you may feel others like you x will laugh, but that doesnt matter you still have a chance to be happy but first you have to be happy with yourself. From experiences of those I know, those who jump from one relationship to another rarely it works out.

Very sad situation. You know you need to leave this man don't you. It's a miserable life for you and your children. Let yourself have a better life. Get yourself sorted, and don't even entertain dating again until you are at peace with yourself.

I'm not laughing, I feel sad at how you must be feeling now. But like other people have said, you are still young and yet, at the same time, older and wiser from your experience. This will help you make the right choices for yourself and your DC's for the future.

Good luck, I haven't read all the posts so am not going to ramble on. Well done for having the courage to post on here and if you have helped prevent another family from going down the path you have taken you should give yourself credit for that.

'Take your life in your own hands and rebuild it'.

That's cool, Alexa. Well phrased.

Oh lovie you sound so sad.

Life is too short to be with someone who treats you so badly.

Do you really want your children to think that this is how a man should treat a woman? What sort of role model would that make you?

What is your relationship like with your ex now? Is he kind to you and supportive with the children?

I really think you need to re-evaluate things. Could your children stay with ex while you sort yourself out?

If you are earning you could get your own place and top up the rest with CTC and maintenance from exH.

do it now! you were unhappy so you changed things. it hasnt worked out......move on.

QUICK!!!!

I actually think you are incredibly brave to post that and I feel very sad for you.

I would end the relationship you are in, right now, and spend some time on your own.

No-one is laughing

I am sorry you are going through this -

Why not have a break from relationships for a while - discover yourself - all that stuff

Good luck

What a sad story
But you know you've been a fool so no-one has any business reminding you of it.
You need to leave this other man before he makes you and your DC any more miserable. Who know you might meet another 'boring man' and have a chance of being happy again. And this time you'll appreciate him

Did you get the house in the divorce? If so, kick the other man out. He doesn't deserve to be part of your family.

Hi, me again, have skimmed through some of the other posts and totally agree. You need to close the door on your life (or existence) with the OM and only then will you be able to open the door to your new, positve, happier life. Take one small step at a time, the first being leaving OM.

Good luck and keep posting. x

Justcallme, I'm in an extremely similar situation to you but my added 'bonus' is I have his children living with me full time! Where abouts are you?

Longingforaffection i live in the East Midlands. I am sorry you are in such a shit situation as well.

To everyone else here I truly can't thank you all enough for your kind words. I really thought you would all hate me.

I posted my story not for self pity, I know being a slag with OM has brought all this shit into my life, but I posted my story to try and warn other ladies not to be such a c**t like myself and destroy your own and your DC lives forever.

My DC came home after spending an afternoon with their Dad yesterday with the joyful news that he is having another DC. Another well deserved kick in the fact for me.

I wish each and every one of your all the love and luck in the world.x

justcallme when I read your post I and I am sure lots of others didnt view you as a c--t you tried to be happy and it didnt work out. It does not make you a monster, I hope you get the support you really need in RL and somebody to talk to as you sound very low indeed and very exhausted through all the stress I imagine X

I really agree with EVERYONE!....PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Leave this man!!!
... Yes it will be really hard financially but for the sake of money is it worth spending the rest of your life a wreck? Believe me its not.......I have seen my mom go through the exact thing and its so hard to see her settle for a low-life when she deserves soooo much better!

You may be entitled to financial help too its worth looking into....Or compromise

Im sure your child would rather a Mom who is happy and on low income than an unhappy Mom on a higher income...I know i would!

You are also very strong to admit that you made a terrible mistake......i hope it all works out for you!

You poor, poor thing. Your post has me very close to tears and my heart is breaking for you. Im so sorry this happened to you. Genuinely sorry.

You have to stop berating yourself so much. You are human!!! - I think, like others have said, you look at the current man in your life and think that the grass was greener than it was with your husband. It wasnt, you left for a reason.

My closest friend in the world is currently going through a nasty divorce, she met her husband on the rebound from her first long term relationship. Her husband was the most horrible, abusive man I can imagine and she kept saying how she should have stayed with partner number one.. that he would never have done this/ he was perfect etc..

Thing is, I was there - partner number 1 was far from perfect - she too, left him for a reason. True, he probably wouldnt have treated her as badly as her husband BUT he wasnt for her in other ways, I know this because I remember, she seems to have blacked out all the bad times with him and can only remember the good.

Your husband and you just werent meant to be but you got 3 beautiful children from him so it happened for that reason.

Neither of these men are for you, as far as I can see. You sound like a lovely person and deserve so much more than this. I know its easier to say "leave him" and I wont lie, its going to be tough but is this really what you want for the rest of your life?? truely? you need to decide before you waste more years of your life.

I hate to bring something selfish out of your posting but can I just thank you so, so much for sharing this with us. This link was posted on a thread I started. so much have what you've said has rang through with me, I've been really confused lately and close to throwing it all away. For what its worth I want you to know that you have absolutely helped someone today by being so brave and posting this.

I wish you and your children all the best in the world and hope everything works out xxx

Barbielovesken - I read your post earlier too but didn;t have time then to post on your thread. I told my story to prevent others making the same total fuck-up i have. Your DP sounds lovely I am sure everything will turn out great for you and your DD. Enjoy your time with him don't wonder about others your life will probably be perfect if you let it.

#The things I have told on here are truly the tip of the iceberg. I could tell things about OM your wouldn;t believe,. He is actually gone to bed now pissed up. At least you can say that you had had a good drink etc and that your were a bit drunk - I don't even drink never had never will so I totally thought I knew what I was doing - no drink, drugs nothing had never put a foot wrong in my perfect life - like i said before if I can possibly prevent another lady ending up like me then its worth confessing my shite life. Have a wonderful wedding cuddle up to your DP tonight and enjoy x

Please get some help, think about moving out, you and your children deserve better than this.

Take care

Boyrsarelikedogs - my house so its up to me to tell him to go but I can't pluck up the courage - made my bed best to lie on it x

for you