Single life

[PerkyOchrePeer]

Anyone prefer the single life? I'm single and I love it

@cupfinalchaos yep , that’s somewhat how I feel too -

Well I'm in a bit of a conundrum about it all.
I have been in long term relationships all my life (8 years, then 17 years) but now I am still fairly young but widowed and I absolutely love my small family life with my teen child - I have no desire to share a house or all the trudgery of life with another adult, I have plenty of friends to have fun with and I work hard and love my own company when not at work.

But, I haven't had sex for 2 years now and I'm starting to find it a bit of a problem.
I do not want one nights stands, I do not want a FWB, yet I do not want a 'serious' relationship where you have to live together either. I would want monogamy/exclusivity though.

What the hell do I do?

Erm you date someone You can have a serious relationship that is exclusive without living together.

Finding someone that wants an exclusive relationship where we just see other once or twice a month, with no scope to ever living together, seems like it would be quite difficult.

I'll keep looking.

I went through a period of years where I was single and really enjoyed it, did a bit of dating here and there. Then I met someone and we dated a year and I really really now hate being single. If I compare it to a potentially shit relationship then being single is way better but why compare it to that ? I recently had quite an awful experience with a group of random people on holiday, everyone was either with their partner or phoning their partner back home and it felt really isolating. I hate having to plan everything so I am not alone. As one friend of mine said, I don't want a boyfriend to do loads of things with, I want one to do nothing with...

There are definitely a lot of pros to being single, time to develop yourself, more time to focus on hobbies and career and family and friends. Having the bed to yourself is a massive plus as well and also not having to deal with someone else's moods or habits. You also save way more money being single as dating is expensive!
However I would miss regular sex and male attention and the whole romantic aspect of having a boyfriend, it's also nice to have someone to watch a series with or go on holiday with.
I have a boyfriend at the minute but if we break up , I will definitely be single for a good while. There is a lot to be said for being single and so I totally get why women would prefer it.

There are men out there who'd suit you. I found a few when I did OLD. Some men like their independence as much as we do!

You don't have to be 'single' to have problems. Eating out in a restaurant I've not had too many problems but OH often finds he's in a table by the door where nobody else wants to go, it's happened to me but not so often. Also going to a pub if you leave your table to get another drink or order food you're more than likely to find others have moved your stuff and taken your table. Lots of places do two for one or second meal half price, not a lot of use for the solo diner (try asking for your meal half price instead).

I enjoy having my other halves company at the theatre or cinema, I doubt I'd go very often if at all if he wasn't here.

I`ve been single 11 years and love it.

A friend keeps pestering me to find someone. I don't want to. I've spoken to single people who hate being single and do everything to find someone. One woman went online and paid to join a date app. It was quite expensive but she found someone and was married a year later with a baby on the way. She said joining the date site was worth it and worth the money. What if you don't find someone then it's an expensive waste of money which u don't want to spend and not find someone. You take out a years subscription which you can't cancel even if you find someone and you pay monthly. It's a con

I have a friend who absolutely reeks of garlic. O can't go near her when ots so bad. It makes me feel sick and gives me a headache. Imagine a partner who stank like that. I sat next to a bloke on the train like that and felt so ill I had to move my seat. I could not cope with a partner like that. Is it because these people eat a lot of garlic,

I like being single, lots of plans to continue this life. Aiming to live very minimalist style in a studio (overpriced shoebox) in London for next life stage. Have a lot of social spaces and create social opportunities.

...but I do agree with this. Can be challenging to meet people for just "regular boring chat" as many people don't want to invest time in a random solo female.

Often feels people want "interesting shiny new" social interactions like a date or a committed hobby partner or to try the new fancy restaurant.

You go out to events and meet new people and feel you have to be "on" and "impressive" conversationally. I had a very cool FWB and it was great but there's only so much intensity and passion and weekends away you want!

Whereas someone you trust and know well to just have very mundane conversations with, watch a film in your pyjamas, do stuff without spending money....that's lacking. But I think thats quite important for my mental wellbeing.

I don't think many people want to invest time in doing this with a new female friend (unless they're needy or weird or men who want sex). Especially after a certain age.

I might do a Tinder ad at some point and just say looking for someone to meet and chat for a cup of tea once a week. Probably get lots of freaks but worth a shot.

If you find somebody who owns their own home they may be happy living separately as they are already established.

I agree my ex husband cheated, and then I settled into a long term relationship 18 months later, felt I had met the love of my life, then after 3 years he ups and leaves me, never been more devestated ever, cried myself to sleep for months and months.

I have two teenagers from my marriage meaning I don't need a man to have kids, as I don't want anymore.

Having been so hurt by men, I haven't been near one since, as the pain they cause when they hurt you, isn't worth the years of fun and happy times before.

I am not interested anymore, people say oh your attracive and a nice woman, I say yes I know and its not made a blind bit of difference I still ended up hurt and let down. Too many men are players and the ones who are loyal and faithful are already taken.

My ex even got involved with someone else months after leaving me, and twice hes drunk messaged me, despite seemingly posting hes meant to be in a relationship - and happy - yet no way is he - hes only there as she had cheaper living accomodation than we did, as everyone tells me this woman is horrible. Which I am not, yet I am the one on my own. Hold a lot of resentment towards that ex as I really did love him, and we had a nice life until he sabbotaged us, when we were struggling financailly as he lost his job.

Better off financially and emotionally on my own, and now I don't trust people and my guard is so high, I don't believe in the long term anymore as don't think there is any such thing.

@PerkyOchrePeer While I have no difficulty at all in understanding why significant numbers of single people prefer being single, I’m not sure what garlic has to do with anything — you’re not compelled to date, far less set up home with someone who reeks of garlic, you know.

Also, haven’t you been less thrilled about being single in recent posts? in your thread about repeatedly going to the information desk at the railway station because you fancied someone working there, you said you didn’t date because you couldn’t find anyone who wanted to date you.

I couldn't easily find a man...

Been single 3 years tomorrow! After a 20year relationship.
Sure, if prince charming moved next door and was perfect in all respects... mmh... no, I don't think even then 🤣

You’ll find a lot of people who love it on mumsnet and are apparently having the time of their lives. Personally I find it boring and lonely and would like to meet someone, but am put off by apps and that’s the only way to meet nowadays unless you have a busy social life that brings you into contact with single folk. I think it depends on you age and life stage too, I’m 40s so going clubbing isn’t my thing!

I think people on MN try to make the best of it and say being single is great to convince themselves as much as anyone else.

It has it's upsides but it can definitely be hard & lonely at times. Especially during the Summer months and around holiday seasons eg Christmas, Easter

I never imagined I would end up alone in my 50s, I genuinely thought I had married for life but you never know how things are going to pan out.

All you can do is try the apps or make the best of it really. 🤷‍♂️

But surely you can see that other people are genuinely happy single?

I don't know single people my age. I have one friend who is in the same boat but she's very unhappy.
Everyone else I know is either married or living with a partner. Obviously I don't know if they are all genuinely happy or not.

I see people on MN saying they are middle aged, single & happy but I don't know them.

My lived experience is that i just don't know other single women in their 50s.

DP and I have lived separately for a few months. I love it, so far. We moved in together too quickly. Living apart could save our relationship.
That's not to say we may not live together again but right now this is working for us.

I'm in my 50s and single @cloudtreecarpet and I know others too. It can be hard and lonely sometimes, but I found being married hard and I was much more lonely when I was married. At least now, I can do something about it.

I think the trick is to have a couple of good friends and make the effort to stay in contact. I've also found that my relationship with my (also single) sibling has dramatically improved, which has been an unexpected and pleasant surprise.

@cloudtreecarpet i guess it’s all relative and everyone’s circumstances are different, for example if i loved my work, had loads of disposable income and lots of friends and a large family I see often, I can imagine single life feeling much easier. As it stands I don’t have those things, hence it’s harder and more isolating. Others must also find this. We might be in the same boat but some of us have a wooden raft and others are sailing the single life in a super yacht!

I’m 60 and been single for 6 years. I’m not trying convince anyone, least of all myself. I love my singje life. I have a great group of friends, I socialise regularly, go on several holidays, city breaks and weekends away with friends. I love my own space and can’t imagine ever sharing my home with anyone again, least of all a man!

I spent my 30’s and 40’s as a wife and mum. I’d never lived alone until I was in my 50’s and never imagined how much I would love it. I don’t feel lonely at all.
i have several other single friends who feel the same so having that group of people around probably makes a huge difference

Like a lot of women, I spent most of my adult life putting others first and now it’s my time to put me first.