Being the booty call has ruined my mental health

[SolBrillo]

Hi all,

I really need some help and advice as I am honestly at my wits end every single day these days. And believe me, I know this is not normal behaviour hence I am asking for help. I seem to have formed some sort of anxious attachment that I can’t let go off.

long story short, I briefly dated a guy two and a half years ago. Very quickly he decided he didn’t want a relationship with me and after having a bit of fun we went our separate ways. Over the course of a year or so he would occasionally hit me up for some casual fun and because I had feelings for him I never said no. Then I didn’t have any contact with him for well over a year. I just assumed he had lost interest totally and probably found someone else to have fun with. Anyway, then out of the blue I recently heard from him and saw him for fun twice in a 4 week period. Most recent being 6 weeks ago. I asked him outright if he had dated much since me and he said not really, nothing more than chatting and things and maybe meeting up for coffee. He said dating wasn’t ’all it’s cracked up to be’ which I thought was a strange comment.

Anyway, I am literally obsessed with him and because we are still Facebook friends I obsess over his online activity and can always tell when he is dating someone because his activity is much higher than usual and I have even seen him out and about once or twice with a girl for coffee as we live around the corner from each other.

what I seem to really struggle with and constantly beat myself up over is how he will reach out to me for casual fun, and then literally weeks later he is out on dates with other people? That honestly tears me up inside because all I can think he is that he obviously doesn’t think I am good enough to date. And I know you will say it’s because he doesn’t respect me for making myself so available to him but he had decided this about me at the start, before we ever even had fun. I compare myself to the people he dates and constantly question what he sees in them over me. He hasn’t yet had a relationship since we dayed 2 and a half years ago but I don’t know how to move forward and accept that I will only ever be a booty call to him in between him dating other women.

Yes he's a terrible catch. You can want a relationship, just not want it with a particular person, in this case you. Stop making it about yourself, he just wants something different. Just like you want certain people or you don't, it's all personal choice. It's not about them but about what you want. Get tough, bin him, block him and find your self worth. You want to find someone who respects you but you've to believe in yourself first.

You have fundamentally different approaches to this situationship.

He's a single man enjoying the single dating life. And that's fine. For him.

But your approach reads like 'my boyfriend is cheating on me'.

And it's not good for you.

You've said you're obsessed with him and you're basically spying on him and his life. It's the sort of thing that can descend into stalking.

He does not want what you want.

What works for him hurts for you.

So your ONLY option is to block him. Stop spying. For your health, and his own.

Start going out and forming real friendships and relationships.

The important question for you to answer to yourself is: why do you come back to him? Why do you like/want him? Once you unlock this knowledge about yourself, you can start looking for ways to change this behaviour that is clearly hurting you.
As for him? You shouldn't really care about why does he treat you as if you were a sexual toy: the fact is that he does. You don't want him in your life.

You need to block him and work on why you feel you fall for someone unobtainable like him. You're worth more than a quick shag between relationships. You're not on the same page as him and to continue stalking him is almost on a par to self harm. Treat yourself better.