Online dating - very upset

[Lizzie67384]

Hey,

So I met a guy, seemed really nice we hit it off - went on multiple dates then did the deed, didn’t hear anything from him so messaged him and basically said ‘I presume you’re not interested’ he messaged back but was being off. I stupidly said that I felt we had a connection and he replied and said ‘did we? Ok lol’

just feel so hurt - if he wasn’t interested why couldn’t he say that in a nice way 🤣😩 guess I’m just looking for a hand hold x

Ugh what an absolute dick!
BLOCK!
Some men are vile, sorry you met one.

Most men on there just want sex.

Thanks xx

Some people don’t want a relationship, just sex, so they behave nicely and until they get sex. This is him.

Chalk it down/up to experience and move on.

Yeah I’m aware of that - my point was more if you weren’t interested surely there’s nicer ways to say that - I have, obviously, not been interested in certain people but would have said it in a more tactful way 🤷‍♀️

Of course there are nicer ways to say it but he isn’t actually nice, he was just pretending to be so that you would shag him. Not everyone is honest.

Men can be idiots. I had a few "encounters" online and one was very similar to yours.
Just have to move on from it in afraid - sorry though it's not nice.

What a charmer. Block and delete.

Unfortunately they won’t be nice, once they have what they want, or if things don’t go their way the mask comes off.

Haha hopefully not the same guy! 🤣

He definitely could have said it in a much nicer way, honestly blows my mind how utterly repulsive some men are.
I bet you feel dreadful right now, but trust me in a few weeks time you’ll look back and realise you actually had a lucky escape!
Whereas he will go through his life behaving like an arsehole!
Onwards and upwards OP, he didn’t deserve you anyway xxx

I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m well aware of what some (most) men want but have never had someone be quite so rude before!!

Yes of course there are much kinder ways of saying you don't want to continue a relationship but he is clearly a dick. Agree with the pp who said some people are nice til they have sex then they're off. Move on OP this says WAY more about him than it does about you.

Never say things like ‘I take it you’re not interested’. You’d know of they were.

True!!!! Wish I hadn’t bothered now!

Thank you xxx

Sorry this happened but on the bright side you are SO much better off without a creep like that in your life.

I can't help wondering though, when I read stories like this so often - what is this connection you thought you had? If you feel used, then allow yourself to accept that you don't want to sleep with someone unless you are in a committed relationship. A true connection takes some time. How does he behave when you fundamentally disagree about something; when you are busy and tired and don't want to chat about nothing all night, when you are low and worried about something or feeling unwell? When you are serious about an issue that matters to you, that shifts the mood away from lighthearted banter? When you turn up in jeans and a scruffy tee shirt? If you run out of milk or washing powder, does he go out and get it without being asked? And so on. If he really likes and gets you, and wants to be with you, it's situations like this that show you who he is.

Unlikely but not unheard of - there are Facebook groups called Are We Dating the Same Guy? OLD is crawling with these sleazeballs. Don’t waste any more time on this one; throw him back into the pond from whence he came. Block block block, these men have a habit of resurfacing at Christmas or when they don’t have any other offers.

Sex is very important to me so I’m afraid I wouldn’t get into a ‘committed’ relationship without sleeping someone first - how would I know if we were compatible?

We had been on 8 dates before sleeping together, of course I felt some connection?

Haha yes I’ve seen those! Some men are disgusting.

i’m feeling better already - I guess I was just surprised by how rude he was! Like fair enough if you’re not interested but no need to be rude (imo)

I'm sorry to hear of this Op, my thought as always is why do people bother with online dating. Surely it is better to meet people in a quiz team or hobby related. Luckily I have my DH but if I was single I am sure that meeting people in real situations is far more worthwhile .You then have time to get to know the person and can suss them out.

In a nutshell this. Which is why there’s no point wishing he’d said it in a ‘nicer way’. He’s not nice ergo he would never have finished with nice words.

Sorry this has been your experience though with someone you liked. That’s the awful thing about OLD, it’s can be so difficult to filter out those genuinely interested from those only after sex.

Yes very true. I think I will try this!!

I would have gone back and said whoops I sent that message before I finished it.

‘I presume you’re not interested in giving women orgasms. Don’t worry you’ll get there eventually. Good luck!’

Ugh, what a dick. You've definitely had a lucky escape. It's a shame there isn't a trip advisor for men. I can't see that you did anything wrong. Your approach weeded out a nasty man so take comfort in that.