Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Online dating - very upset

95 replies

Lizzie67384 · 29/07/2025 20:43

Hey,

So I met a guy, seemed really nice we hit it off - went on multiple dates then did the deed, didn’t hear anything from him so messaged him and basically said ‘I presume you’re not interested’ he messaged back but was being off. I stupidly said that I felt we had a connection and he replied and said ‘did we? Ok lol’

just feel so hurt - if he wasn’t interested why couldn’t he say that in a nice way 🤣😩 guess I’m just looking for a hand hold x

OP posts:
GoingtoChichester · 30/07/2025 01:24

I have no practical advice other than urging you to not confuse fanny gallops with ‘connection’

Freeflight · 30/07/2025 07:31

Sadly this may not be the last with OLD. You learn things each time, but each time you can be caught by a different set up.
Just take each thing as an experience and remember that it says more about them than it does about you.
Keep being yourself. You'll develop thicker skin as you drudge through the sesspool and hopefully at some point you find a few that are genuine. Sadly with OLD you are constantly putting yourself out there and the vultures will come.
Ive had some that were rude and unpleasant, others that ghosted after numerous dates and asking me to be exclusive, even a married one. And then I've met people who were honest and kind.

FullOfMomsense · 30/07/2025 08:11

It's a power trip for them, it's never personal. He's probably a very sad little man who thinks he's winning by upsetting a woman. Says more about him than you! You're worthy of more than that.

Cutleryclaire · 30/07/2025 08:24

That’s really nasty.

You read the same story on here all the time, as soon as there’s sex they disappear. But surely continuing dating the woman = more sex 😵‍💫. Clearly I don’t think like a man!

Original poster
Lizzie67384 · 30/07/2025 08:34

GoingtoChichester · 30/07/2025 01:24

I have no practical advice other than urging you to not confuse fanny gallops with ‘connection’

How rude! I think most people would have felt some sort of connection after 8 dates?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lizzie67384 · 30/07/2025 08:40

Thanks for talking the time to reply ladies, I feel a lot better this morning - have blocked & deleted him!

OP posts:
MidnightMeltdown · 30/07/2025 09:34

Unfortunately there are a LOT of ‘fuck n chuck’ men out there, and online dating sites are their playground. They can easily get away with this type of behaviour with no repercussions. It ruins the dating experience for everyone else, including the genuine decent men, who are indistinguishable from these predators on the first few dates, and can’t be trusted.

I don’t know what the solution is other than woman waiting many months before having sex. But then you’ll always get some women arguing that they want to do it asap, and that they shagged DH on a first date and it all worked out great so 🤷🏻‍♀️. I think these women fail to realise that they were just very lucky…

Mumlaplomb · 30/07/2025 09:46

Ah OP 8 dates is a long time to wait I think and for him to be so rude afterwards must really sting. What a horror. I’m sorry he has done that to you, most women would find that very hurtful too xx

Ilovemyshed · 30/07/2025 09:49

I would have messaged back. “No problem, what a charming way to say that !” And then block the dick.

SharpWriter · 30/07/2025 09:55

What an absolute cock. You must have got on pretty well to have had 8 dates (unless you both had a miserable time), so he's just being nasty to fuel his own ego. Take comfort in the fact he was standing in the way of you finding someone nice, and they are probably just around the corner waiting for you 😀

MidnightMeltdown · 30/07/2025 09:58

Mumlaplomb · 30/07/2025 09:46

Ah OP 8 dates is a long time to wait I think and for him to be so rude afterwards must really sting. What a horror. I’m sorry he has done that to you, most women would find that very hurtful too xx

I think it’s more about the length of time than the number of dates. 8 dates isn’t a long time if they happen within the space of a month. If they happen over several months then ‘fuck n chuck’ man is more likely to get board and move on.

Enough4me · 30/07/2025 10:02

Having experienced OLD years ago (and met my partner of now around 8 years), I'd say use it with a hard hat on.
OLD allows lots of opportunities and for some people it's great fun as they'll use it as entertainment. However, it's also a helpful way to meet men who want commitment and you wouldn't bump into IRL

Richiewoo · 30/07/2025 10:20

He's a piece of shit.

Personperson · 30/07/2025 10:40

Lizzie67384 · 29/07/2025 20:43

Hey,

So I met a guy, seemed really nice we hit it off - went on multiple dates then did the deed, didn’t hear anything from him so messaged him and basically said ‘I presume you’re not interested’ he messaged back but was being off. I stupidly said that I felt we had a connection and he replied and said ‘did we? Ok lol’

just feel so hurt - if he wasn’t interested why couldn’t he say that in a nice way 🤣😩 guess I’m just looking for a hand hold x

Wow what a dickhead.

Dodged a massive bullet. You did nothing wrong.

JaneAustenFann · 30/07/2025 11:13

reply and ask him why he had sex with you if he did not feel a connection , and why even go on multiple dates if he did not feel a connection

Ask him to man up and break up properly instead of acting like it never happened at all.

JaneAustenFann · 30/07/2025 11:15

Cutleryclaire · 30/07/2025 08:24

That’s really nasty.

You read the same story on here all the time, as soon as there’s sex they disappear. But surely continuing dating the woman = more sex 😵‍💫. Clearly I don’t think like a man!

They want multiple partners and to keep it casual ? the sex ie

MidnightMeltdown · 30/07/2025 13:07

Cutleryclaire · 30/07/2025 08:24

That’s really nasty.

You read the same story on here all the time, as soon as there’s sex they disappear. But surely continuing dating the woman = more sex 😵‍💫. Clearly I don’t think like a man!

They know that the longer they date, the more will be expected from them. You are missing the point that these men aren’t interested in a relationship, they are looking for a free prostitution service.

They are on par with the sort of men who sleep with trafficked women in the sex industry.

MascaraGirl · 30/07/2025 18:00

DurinsBane · 29/07/2025 22:35

I don’t get men like this. Yes they probably only wanted sex, and got it. But if they stay nice they will probably get more sex! Why be cold or ghost after they have managed to get it once?

Very good point. And now do you tell the difference between men being nice just to get sex, and those who are genuinely nice?

MamaAlabama · 30/07/2025 21:09

I’ve done this myself in the past. I’m not proud of this but when the sex isn’t good it’s the end of the connection. Despite previously having good dates etc If the sec is good you always want more.

Mademetoxic · 30/07/2025 21:15

MamaAlabama · 30/07/2025 21:09

I’ve done this myself in the past. I’m not proud of this but when the sex isn’t good it’s the end of the connection. Despite previously having good dates etc If the sec is good you always want more.

Sex gets better in time with someone. First time sex with someone can be a bit shit until you learn each others interests

fuzzt · 30/07/2025 21:17

What a dickhead why would he waste his time on dates if he wasn’t interested ugh

MamaAlabama · 31/07/2025 08:31

Mademetoxic · 30/07/2025 21:15

Sex gets better in time with someone. First time sex with someone can be a bit shit until you learn each others interests

Show quote history

But sometimes it is just terribly bad. Total lack of skill or sexual attraction/ passion when you get down to it.

MyDadWasAnArse · 31/07/2025 08:34

Mumlaplomb · 30/07/2025 09:46

Ah OP 8 dates is a long time to wait I think and for him to be so rude afterwards must really sting. What a horror. I’m sorry he has done that to you, most women would find that very hurtful too xx

You're not obligated to shag someone no matter how many dates you've been on.

MrsGuyOfGisbo · 31/07/2025 08:54

DurinsBane · 29/07/2025 22:35

I don’t get men like this. Yes they probably only wanted sex, and got it. But if they stay nice they will probably get more sex! Why be cold or ghost after they have managed to get it once?

This!!! Why put in all the effort then have to put in all the effort with the next woman/ weird.!!!

Original poster
Lizzie67384 · 31/07/2025 08:59

Just an update for you all - I blocked him on WhatsApp (which was what we communicated on) and I woke up to an apology message on Instagram this morning! I didn’t reply and swiftly blocked but I am at a loss with men these days!!

OP posts: