Lacking adult female friendships - help.

[PeonyPatch]

It has taken me quite a lot to post this as I feel
such a sense of embarrassment and shame… However, I’m really embarrassed to admit that I barely have any friends at age 35. I’m not really sure how I’ve got here. Particularly female friends.

My partner and I are TTC, which is lonely in itself so I am not a Mum and cannot connect to other females in this way. I’m on a TTC thread on here which is helpful 🩷

I work from home- so my job itself, although people orientated, is pretty damn isolating. It’s a remote job and everyone works across the country.

I have a couple of female friends my age I made through previous workplaces and through university that I stay in touch with. However, many of them live an hour and a half away from me at different parts of the country. I don’t see them regularly. It might be once a month, if that.

I don’t have any siblings. My partner works in London. Just very lonely really.

My mental health is not great as a result, but I would love to meet new people and have a better social life. I just have absolutely no idea how to do this at my age and stage of life.

Does anyone have any ideas?

I’ve tried exercise classes - people keep to themselves. I want to make meaningful relationships where we can see each other and speak regularly.

I really am open to suggestions. I feel I’ve a lot to give friendships. I’m a girly girl, love walking, hiking, spas, eating out, travel, dogs, shopping, movies, music, concerts, food, cooking, baking.

That sounds ideal. If I lived there, I’d defo be joining. I would start my own group but unfortunately I don’t have FB, and I don’t really want to go back on it.

Food for thought tho.

I get fb is a mess but it is good for community groups. Maybe join under a code name or something?

What about bellringing?

My sister and husband have been doing this for years and it's a fantastically sociable activity. Plus it's good for fitness (upper arm and brain), keeping alive the unique tradition of English change ringing, providing a service for churches, weddings, funerals, etc. (you don't need to be religious) and it's relatively easy to find a local tower.

Just one example of sociability. My sis was travelling to Alderney and got fogged in on Jersey. After a few calls, the local bellringers showed up and took the group to ring the bells in the local church tower and to the pub afterwards. Give it a try!

cccbr.org.uk/bellringing/learn/

I was in a similar boat to you at 30 pre children, felt very lonely and depressed because all my friends had left my county one by one. Once I had a baby it all changed dramatically and now I have too many friends if anything!

Having kids is a sure fire way to get yourself some life long friends as long as you put yourself out there in your maternity leave.

Have a look at "Love her wild"
https://www.loveherwild.com/
And see if there is a group local to you.

They do loads of outdoorsy activities for women.

Could you try volunteering at your local parkrun and get chatting to people that way? It takes time to develop friendships but the organisers of things like this are usually a well established group and often need more helpers.

My top tip is go where you're likely to find dynamic, middle-aged lesbians with no kids - people with free time & plenty of social energy as they've not got stroppy teenagers / crotchety old husbands sat at home sapping their life force.

I may have completely missed the point of the thread, but I think the OP was seeking platonic friendship, not a lesbian relationship? Or was that just a predictive text fail?

That’s so different, I love this as a suggestion! Thank you - it would be nothing I would ever consider! Love Mumsnet 💛💛

That’s exactly what I am thinking too. Believe you me, we are sure trying! But until then, I really need help with lifting my mood because most of my free time is spent just sat at home…. Usually hanging out on Mumsnet…. lol!!! That gives me hope though so thanks!! X

Honestly - I never expected such a response to this. Thank you so much ladies. You’ve raised my spirits and given me some excellent and worthwhile ideas to explore! 😊

Happy to help!

Do report back if you try it. (It's on my ToDo list but I've got tedious stuff to do first.)

If you are TTC have you also tried Peanut? You can meet other women in a similar situation.
I recently tried women's golf. The ladies there were a bit older but seemed really friendly.
Choir is also an idea.
I noticed the local Hobbycraft is now doing board game nights too.
Good luck x

See if there’s a book club, WI or other club nearby that’s more about socialising?

I live in a very middle aged lesbian town! And I complete agree. The social life is fantastic. I moved here knowing nobody 7 years ago, aged 43, and now have more friends than I can manage. There is no "couple culture". So many social groups are around and so many women looking to do interesting things together. That won't help the OP who lives in a suburban area - but I absolutely second choirs, book groups and walking groups.

No, it’s genuinely what I’d recommend for finding friends!

Post uni, and once I wasn’t working in an office anymore, the people I met who were the most reliably fun to spend time with, available for hangs, and energetic / motivated enough to organise social events happened to be child free middle aged lesbians. 🤷‍♀️

I’m intractably heterosexual myself, so I had no ulterior motive.

But the people you’re basically looking for if you want to make female friends in your mid-30s and over, and you don’t have kids, is anyone who still has a thriving and active social life that hasn’t been decimated as everyone around them starts to have babies.

(also, unlike a pp, I made NO friends in baby groups - not least as I was ten years older than everyone else in them - and it was so good to keep hold of longer standing friendships, and a sense of self that had nothing to do with my being a parent).

I’ve heard of Peanut 🥜 but I thought it was for new mamas!!

you could think about volunteering with Girls Friendly Society. I know someone who began volunteering because she’d moved to a new area and wanted to meet new friends and it absolutely worked!! Google them!

Ooo whereabouts?

Another thing I’ll add is DH is applying for a job abroad - which throws spanner in the works - but it’s 50/50 if he will get it. If he does, it means relocation for us but to a very cool and hip country. If not, we stay in the UK, but I think I’ll consider the prospect of moving somewhere there’s a bit more going on perhaps. I think location is really important for these kind of things and I wish I had factored it in more when we moved house…

I'm early 40s and in the south east. I need to branch out as a lot of my friends now have more demanding DC.

Things I'm thinking about are the FIRE community meetups through Rebel Finance School.

Toast Masters is also fabulous - I went along to a few. They are one of the rare male and female activities that aren't awkward and feel safe.

A while back I did a group gym programme.

Was thinking of doing some co-working in different spaces.

I have in the past run a Wine and Books meetup. Went to some Movie meetups.

Where in SE are you? Am always looking to do more walking.

How about joining a local choir group? My aunt did this after her husband died. They were inseparable so she literally had no one her age or local to be friends with. Fast forward 8 years and they meet for lunches, have sleepovers, weekends away, shopping trips and group chats.

I’ve literally signed in to create my own post. I’m 37 and so lonely. I’d love a friend.

I moved to a new part of the country to live with my partner (now husband) and struggled to make friends.
Circumstances led me to volunteer with a charity and through volunteering I made new friends that I socialise with.

I hear you, I am almost 50 with no real friends and it can be hard to insert yourself in situations where there are already little groups of friends.
I recently joined a club, so I know what you mean!
I am persevering though, even if I don't cultivate any new friendships at least I am meeting people and who knows, maybe someday we will be welcoming a lonely newbie ourselves!
Wishing you much luck x

Honestly I felt so exactly the same about it but it's actually such a good app! I met one of my now best friends on there and lots of other nice girls 😊 everyone on there is in the same boat!

I never had friends for years but I seem to have grown into them; one is friends from work based, some now retired and the others I met through entering competitions so a hobby in common.
I used to be in a choir but since my mum died, I can't face singing, music just makes me cry so not been to church either.
However the church does have loads of things going on, I've been out with their recent formed walking group a few times and they also have book club, film club, wine tasting and probably loads of other stuff.
My friend joined the walking group too simply because she's local to that church, she never goes to the church itself.
So it could be worth seeing if the church has anything on that interests you, some of them have craft sessions if you like doing that.
Good luck xx