Is my confidence threatening to men?

[lovenotwar149]

Ok ladies, pls give your thoughts on this.......
So I'm a 'mature' lady and my confidence has grown tremendously in the last 5 yrs I would say. I know , and its been noted , that my behaviours have really changed in this time. I have much firmer boundaries ,I know what my negotiables/non-negotiables are etc I am assertive when I need to be and I will most definitely stand my ground and say no on certain things.
I have noticed , 3 examples with different men, one being my hubby, the other a friend and the 3rd a work colleague, tension is in the air. The commonality being I have called them out on a thing or two and they don't like it one little bit. In the past I would have kept quiet or bought into their version of events. Not so much now, I see a different perspective and am not afraid to express my differing opinion.
BUT I still feel 'rejected' ,as all 3 men are behaving more distant towards me now. This doesn't feel nice at all, yet I believe in and value my perspective and I WILL express it. What can I do?

What do you mean’ called them out’?

E.G. the other day my hubby and I agreed we would go somewhere together and 2 days later he told me he already went. I said I was hurt that he didnt stick with the agreement. He said I was criticising him

So just a normal conversation then. I don’t think he sounds threatened at all from that example

in another situation , the friend, hadn't replied to a number of my msgs. I mentioned it and they said they were busy etc , and a few more excuses, which I Calle out as 'excuses'. He didnt like that at all

but I wasn't criticising him, I said I was hurt that he didnt stick with our agreement

Why do you call your husband hubby if you are an assertive, confident woman?

I didnt want to type his name on here

I call him by his name

Sorry those examples don’t shout ‘threatened man’ to me!

another example , we have an arrangement here that I cook 1 week and him the next. But in terms of the drying up , he doesn't do it that much during his wk, and he doesn't do any when its my cooking wk. I brought this up and he scowled

why not just take accountability

Oh dear.

Your DH doesn't like "being criticised", which is what he calls you expressing your feelings. His previously nice, compliant wife appears to be malfunctioning. Let's hope he manages to adapt to the change.

crackofdoom

thats hit it on the nail. Thats what I think is happening

the commonality with these 3 men is that they dont like it when I express my 'feelings'

I was was too agreeable for way too long

now im kicking ass ( no ass kicking really , just expressing my opinion unapologetically) and its going down like a ton of bricks

well one noticeable change is im not asking 'him' for his opinion on matters, I already have mine...lol

but I still feel rejected b/c there is coldness towards me now

I wouldn't see any of those things as issues. Are you trying to pick for the sake of it? These aren't "mature woman ' issues, they are conversations.

well they require a mature conversation, which is hard to have with someone who perceives it as criticism

me: can you do the drying up when it's your cooking week pls too
him: err ok , if its that big a deal to you (scowly face)

no mention of the fact he hasn't been doing his washing up

Your examples are not standing out as much op

you don’t sound particularly ‘confident’ and where is an example of you kicking ass, I’m not seeing any!!

ok thx ppl for replies

These don't really sound like boundaries or confidence, just you picking him up for mundane stuff.

Perhaps you're struggling to let go of trivial stuff? If you want him to behave differently you can ask him before you criticise.

Do you always like to make such a drama out of things?