My sister moved house without telling us

[OliveIsMad]

I got a text from my sister today to say that she’s moved house and here’s her new address. Hadn’t told any of us that she was moving house or even that she was thinking about it.

She does this all the time. She didn’t tell any of us that she was pregnant until she was about six months along — she just turned up one day with a bump and was like, Oh yeah, we’re having a baby lol. And when she had the baby, she didn’t tell us until the next day when she got home from the hospital. None of us even knew that she was in labour. She literally had a whole baby and then told us that she had given birth THE NEXT DAY once she was home. And we barely see the child (now 2) and my own mother has only held her granddaughter a handful of times. Bear in mind that my sister lives about ten minutes away. (The new house is also ten minutes away but in the opposite direction. I only know this because I had to Google the address.)

You know how I found out that she ran the London Marathon? I found her participation medal in her car. Turns out, she’d trained to run a 5k, then trained to run a 10k, then a half marathon, then a marathon. Took her two years. None of us even knew that she could run. Hadn’t thought to mention it.

She gets promoted or changes jobs, buys a new car, goes on holiday and we only hear about it weeks, months or even years later. She mentioned in passing once that she’d been to Australia. It was YEARS ago. She went to fucking Australia for like two weeks and literally none of us knew.

I tell my parents everything. We’re extremely close. We’re doing up our kitchen at the moment and I’ve run every single decision by my mum, she’s seen every paint sample, every fabric. I told her that I was pregnant the day that I found out. My other sister is also like this, although she still lives at home so partly it’s because of proximity. But my big sister acts as if she doesn’t give a toss about any of us.

I’m so sick of her gatekeeping absolutely everything in her life and not including any of us. I get that she’s big on independence, but there’s being independent and then there’s just being a bitch. If she thinks of us at all, it’s as an after thought.

Gah. Rant over.

Got to admire Olive's restraint in not giving us OP's real name - she SO deserves it.

I can't get over the OP actually messaging her sister about this thread. It's bad enough that her posts had such a nasty tone, but then after getting her arse handed to her she selectively picked out the few that agreed with her and sent them to her sister. That is so nasty and manipulative, and really shows her true colours.

Do you want to know everytime she farts as well? Your sis sounds pretty normal to me.

Consistent, though - totally in line with the general theme of "Olive should live her life according to what other people think". I mean, look Olive - we took a vote! Now you HAVE to fall into line. People think You Are Wrong. I mean, not just your sisters, but some internet strangers! Now you'll have to change your ways!

You're outvoted, OP. Does that mean (by your own Rules Of Life) that actually, you will now have to change yours?

Team Olive!!
I wonder if @OliveIsMad will take a good hard look at herself. Probably not.

I’m so sick of her gatekeeping absolutely everything in her life and not including any of us

This attitude is weird. She's a private sounding person. So what?

This really broke my heart to read 💔

Op hasn’t been back. I wonder if this thread has opened her eyes to the reality of the situation or at least sowed some seeds of doubt that her family relationships are healthy. Something good may come out of this yet

@OliveIsMad - if this is genuine - do you think your frustration might stem from your mum raising you to think wider family have a right to have a say in how family members live their lives, so the example of the house move, by not being clear she was planning to move until it had happened, you’ve been denied your opportunity to have a say in eg what she sold for, which estate agent she used, where she moved too, what she offered on her new house, which company she used for the survey etc.?

Your wanting to know is actually wanting to have a say. By denying you information in advance you are forced into a position of not getting involved in the decision making.

I think it will take years for OP to realise - if she ever does.

I have come across people like OP, they lack the intelligence/insight/empathy to look at situations from different perspectives: they believe they are always right.

While this lack of self awareness is infuriating for others - people like OP are every content in their little bubble, looking down on others!

In a way it must be a great way to live, no self doubt, no regrets for your own behaviour. Everyone else is wrong and you are right!

YABU

Unfortunately I think it’s far more likely that she didn’t get the responses she wanted, so has flounced.

But do you actually call your sister and ask about her life?

Or do you expect a round robin newsletter or announcement sheet every week of everything she’s done so far?

@YouPutMyRealNameInYourUsername congratulations on living your life away from @OliveIsMad .
All the very best to you. And congratulations on the house move, baby and marathon.

You sound a bit like a control freak OP, or would like to be but are not given the opportunity and that bothers you. Your relationship with your mum sounds suffocating to a large extent and you come across as very dependent on her approval. You have absolutely no right to dictate how your sister should feel about incidents in her childhood. To be honest, i don't blame her for keeping her distance, you seem very judgy..

I guess she just wants to keep her life more private than you do yours....I don't see anything wrong with either, but it seems like you're both at either extreme and that's probably why it feels so alien to you that she's the way she is. Personally, I'm closer to my family than she is to hers/yours, but I also wouldn't be running home improvement choices past my parents as an adult either.
I wonder if your anger/frustration is actually more sadness as you'd like to be closer to her? Sounds like the rest of your family is fairly tight knit.

#team sister here
You did NOT have the same childhood and she has every right to view things as traumatic if she feels they were.
Just because you are enmeshed with your parents she doesn't have to be and the only "problem" she causes is that her perfectly normal behaviour shines a light on things the rest of you are more comfortable hiding