I am not ashamed, but ...

[Beetleswings]

In the last two years, I've slept with 8 guys. The first of which I had a situationship with after being single and celibate for years - the rest were ONS. I had a sexless, abusive marriage which ended 5 years before the situationship.
How do I row myself back from this? It appears there are minority of individuals in the area I live who are aware of these ONS, at least three of which tell me I need to get some self-respect. I am 100% sure that nobody knows the count is 8 men in 2 years.
I am now thinking word has gone round and now I am thinking I should crawl under a rock... I just love sex, but have struggled to get into a relationship. I have male friends, but I don't find any of them attractive.
If I were in a relationship, sexual chemistry would be a very important factor for me to maintain one. Have I spoiled my chances of love and relationship by 'sleeping around' ?

Ive slept with more than 8 men in 2 year op but i dont do it in my own town im on holiday alot.
Look if you are having fun who cares.

Me to and still doing it.

Don't tell any future man or men about the 8 men. Simple.

I feel for you on that one. You're surrounded by small-minded gossips. That must suck.

It seems there is a troll on this thread, who seems over invested in shaming me. Why is it that people go out of their way to bring up others perceived wrong-doings? We all do things we regret, I don't regret having sex with these men, a few but most of them not.
Perhaps the men that are around will see me as tarnished, but why should I care? I don't want a relationship with anyone who can't look past this. I wouldn't judge a potential partner for having a history, I would judge them by how they treat me and others, their loyalty and kindness, etc. 🤷‍♀️

Who on this thread is shaming you?!

If that is how you feel then what was the point of this thread? You yourself asked in your OP if this would spoil your chances, now you’re saying you don’t care anyway?

You’ve done it, you enjoyed it (for the most part) so own it. Nothing to be ashamed of.

Imo yes, it's a lot. I wouldnt want 8 in my lifetime, never mind such a short space of 2 years!

I really don’t understand what you’re looking for from this thread op 🤷‍♀️

She'a just on the wind up. Sounds like she actually likes people talking about her sex life, which is the opposite of what she implied in her OP.

I care about double standards and sexual shaming.

Ah! This makes sense. I did wonder what was going on.

Where have I implied that I enjoy others talking about my sexlife and not minding their own business?

This is insane
The OP admits she lives in a tiny, insular and very peculiar community
but has absolutely no intention of moving

And this tiny, insular and peculiar community all seem to have a strange preoccupation with the OP’s sex life

I would love to know where this place is. So I can ensure I give it a wide berth!!

Quite apart from this being a sad state of affairs, of course it wouldn’t be end your dating game as,

1. many men would be more likely to see you as a potential sexual partner as the history would encourage them, not put them off;

2. there’s a whole world outside the small town where people won’t know you. Most people date well beyond their immediate social circle.

I know the OP (rightly) won’t tell us she lives, but intrigued as to what kind of place it is. I’m guessing it’s one of those small towns where there’s low social mobility with one high school that most of the people in the town went to, in which the OP and many others have lived and worked their entire lives, where even the neighbouring town is viewed as though it were Mars… so there’s a large cohort who know everyone else in that cohort… It’s a world where the politics of high school never ends… a bit like a real life Eastenders.

You don’t need to give a wide berth, as you’ll never be part of the community who’ve all known each other from at least the age 11 and who live in their incestous bubble.

Just Google it!

dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/situationship

And one where the people haven’t matured from being teenage high-schoolers either…

If a guy were to come into a pub in most places and loudly state to all who could hear that a woman on another table had slept around a bit, he’d just get strange looks and ignored for being a complete nob, and people would just get on with their drinks hoping this inappropriate weirdo would just leave.

What a bizarre thread. I'm in my 40s and single. If I go on a date or even if sleep with someone I don't ever discuss how many men I have slept with previously. If a man asked me it would completely put me off and I would walk out. Thankfully even my worse dates haven't been that bad.
I don't think you should feel ashamed but this post feels a bit braggy whilst complaining that it might also of put people off.

If you live in a small town, yes you are stuffed.

There’s never much going on in small towns, and everyone knows eachother, so yes you would definitely be gossip fodder.

Could you/would you want to move to a bigger town/city where you would be anonymous.

But there’ll still be thousands of people living in the community

unless it’s in the arse end of no where in the highlands!

I’m not sure there is a double standard though is there? I wouldn’t want to shag a man who’s sex life is the talk of the local pub so it’s not a double standard if a man says they wouldn’t want to shag a woman who’s sex life is the local gossip.

But there probably won’t be that many places to ‘pull’. And let’s face it once someone has a bit of a rep (however undeserved) every time she does go home with someone it will add fuel to the fire and the gossip will only increase.

If she’s happy with that then no problem. If not she probably needs to move. I would!!