Page 19 | Has anyone successfully recovered from infidelity with couple’s therapy?

TreadingTrepidatious · 2025-07-17T00:48:03+00:00

Infidelity was discovered within my marriage last night, and we have an appointment with a marriage counselor on the 24th (which feels like forever away!). Just wondering if it’s helped anyone to get their marriage back to a good place, and if you’d be willing to talk about the process. Thanks in advance

sandyhappypeople · 19/08/2025 14:52

TreadingTrepidatious · 19/08/2025 13:54

I met the affair partner and slowly, unexpectedly developed feelings for them. The conversations progressed from platonic to flirting and eventually to sexting, and it lasted for about 6 weeks. I attempted to make plans to meet with him in person to have sex (though I have doubts about whether that was actually going to come to fruition, and I was leaning towards ending it with AP at the time DH discovered the affair.) AP and I haven’t actually had any physical contact with one another other than a hug the last time we saw one another in the middle of July.

Nobody here asked about what DH was feeling prior to the affair and why we were disconnected.

He told me he desires me so much, but that he thought that an indifferent attitude about wanting sex with me made me more attracted to him (as in, it would have made him seem less desperate and like he is the one “in control” of how much sex we have… sounds toxic, I know, but it’s not an entirely inaccurate premise.)

He said he felt connected to me as long as we were physically present and spending time with one another, and didn’t know I needed conversation to feel connected. He said the way his mind works, he is often having several thoughts at once and has trouble grasping one of them and verbalizing it, and that he often doesn’t feel the need to do so. He often goes internal (is that a phrase that means something to other people ?) when he is thinking about work or something stressful, which results in him sitting in silence, thinking. He didn’t know I wanted him to share his thoughts with me, or why I kept asking him “what are you thinking?” and didn’t understand when I tried telling him I was craving conversation.

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He told me he desires me so much, but that he thought that an indifferent attitude about wanting sex with me made me more attracted to him (as in, it would have made him seem less desperate and like he is the one “in control” of how much sex we have… sounds toxic, I know, but it’s not an entirely inaccurate premise.)

Thank you for answering as to your husbands take on this, something is definitely fundamentally wrong in your relationship. If he desires you but has to pretend to not want sex in order for you to show attracted to him, and that works then that is a really odd dynamic at play, instead of both communicating with each other you are manipulating each other to get what you want.

Being honest, and a genuine observation, it sounds like you are very much in control of what happens and when (not just sex), it is clear from all your posts you very much only really think about things from your own point of view, your needs and wants, and when he isn't fulfilling them you have looked elsewhere to find it.

The problem was you didn't care to find out WHY he was acting indifferently about sex (because he felt it was the only way to get you to show interest in him), or why he sits there not talking (when he is going through something stressful), he sounds unhappy to be honest, and communication has obviously been lacking for a while but instead of trying to genuinely get to the bottom of the problems in the relationship, you have instead used it as a perfect excuse to cheat, you are still using it as an excuse as to why you were justified in doing so, and in fact you are now using it as a reason to get your DH to change into be the person you want him to be, without any real consideration as to what he may need in the relationship so you can both be happy together.

ThatCyanCat · 19/08/2025 14:58

TreadingTrepidatious · 19/08/2025 14:44

This is a moral question I’ve chewed on for a long time. I have ultimately decided that the partnered person in an affair has a greater duty to their partner to prevent the infidelity, but that the affair partner also bears at least some of the responsibility. The argument can be made that if no potential affair partner knowingly interacted in a way that violates boundaries with any potential cheater, then the cheaters would not be able to cheat and a large amount of infidelity would be prevented.

In my particular case, I did not go seeking an affair, and I did not go seeking the initial interactions with the affair partner. He knew I was married. He repeatedly sought me out and engaged me in conversation until we developed feelings for one another, and then reciprocated the flirting and sexting. Yes, I should have recognized when those feelings were developing sooner and elected to stop interacting with him. But I do not think he is entirely innocent here, either, and I was hoping that describing to him the effects of my cheating would discourage him from engaging with married women in the future.

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It was your promise and commitment, not his. There's only one person who can cheat on your husband. And this is a complete waste of time and energy. You should be looking for ways to make amends to your husband and rebuild your marriage if you both want that, not endlessly considering and pontificating about how the other man is to blame for tempting you.

Original poster

TreadingTrepidatious · 19/08/2025 14:59

DoRayMeMeMe · 19/08/2025 11:50

I pity OP, to have so little foresight that you weren’t sure that having an affair would put a bomb in your marriage.

All the “you don’t know how painful a tattoo is” is just a deflection, because you haven’t brought your marriage for a more painful than expected tattoo, you’ve done GBH and put it in the hospital for the foreseeable. And that was completely foreseeable - getting divorced is a very very normal reaction to discovering infidelity. You are very lucky to have not already received your marching orders.

You seem to be positioning your actions as “A Cry for Help” affair, and I am at a loss to see how you can square that with your actions with your affair partner: did they know they were just filling a hole in your life, or were you lying there too?

The reason people are getting frustrated with you is because they see how much you are trying to be “A good person who did a bad thing”, and they really aren’t so sure.
I think what people find extra frustrating is that you seem to be saying “I as the betrayer just need to not cheat, whilst the betrayed person needs to pull her socks up and starting meeting my needs in the relationship.” Can you understand why that might come across very badly?
If she wasn’t good enough before the affair, why would she believe that you think she’s good enough now?

I’m going to skip over the parts where you completely ignore and everything I’ve been saying, but I wanted to respond to this:

> I am at a loss to see how you can square that with your actions with your affair partner: did they know they were just filling a hole in your life, or were you lying there too?

Honestly, I don’t know what AP believed about the nature our relationship. I don’t think that I ever indicated that I was unhappy in my marriage (other than possibly indirectly through being willing to engage with AP) or that I had any plans of ending my marriage. I had genuine feelings for him. We didn’t discuss it very much, but it seemed obvious to me that, given all of the evident factors in play, that ours was very much not going to be a functional, long term relationship. I also don’t know if I was just “filling a hole” in his life or not, either.

I am not sure what else I need to be doing besides “not cheating” anymore. I’ve taken responsibility for my own actions. I am trying to be supportive of DH as he processes this, and I’ve told him everything he wanted to know about the affair, as therapists say one should. I try to think about and do things that make DH feel more comfortable about trusting me again (sharing passwords and locations, communicating more when I might be home later than anticipated, encouraging him to FaceTime me if he’s worried, asking him if it’s okay if I go somewhere alone, etc.) I would genuinely like to know if there are other things that I should be doing.

OP posts:

OchreRaven · 19/08/2025 15:04

TreadingTrepidatious · 19/08/2025 14:18

Right, I behaved immorally and I shouldn’t have cheated. That’s what I’ve been saying this whole time, but people were insisting that I believe my cheating was justified because I had unmet needs, despite explaining repeatedly that I’m not justifying it and I do not believe that at all. Then they called me a narcissist and a manipulator because I didn’t agree with their assumptions about my own beliefs, because obviously they know me better than I know myself! (Is that not insane???)

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I think what people are actually saying — if you are open to listening rather than assuming you know everything, is that whilst you have said none of your reasons for cheating are justified and your behaviour was morally wrong your constant discussion of unmet needs and analogies of expected harm, sounds like justification. So you haven’t explicitly said it but the way you talk shows very little empathy. It reads as someone who is trying to reason with others to show how it was a ‘mistake’ but understandable in the circumstances and you won’t do it again because you didn’t realise your DH would be that upset about it and now you do you will follow a flow chart to make sure you don’t actively cheat on him again. Do you realise how that sounds to the average person?

The truth is your DH will likely hold this scar forever even if you stay in the marriage. He knows what you are capable of and whilst he may be trauma bonding now, it is likely he will never feel the same way about you and will have a lot of trauma from this experience. No amount of counselling erases this. You can move forward but only true accountability will help heal the hurt you caused.

You didn’t respond when I asked previously — if you had found messages to a woman from your DH telling her how amazing she is and actively trying to have sex with her would you really be ok with it? Would it not destroy your perception of him and cause immense pain? Would you not question yourself, your reality and your entire relationship?

You came to this forum to see whether you can save your relationship. But you don’t seem to want advice or a different perspective and you seem to imply that you are not concerned that your DH will leave and you are closer than ever. If this is the case I’m not sure what you are getting from this anymore?

Original poster

TreadingTrepidatious · 19/08/2025 15:11

BustyLaRoux · 19/08/2025 12:31

All you seem capable of doing is talking about YOUR experience.

You have explained YOUR reasons for cheating (your needs were not being met).

You have explained how YOU feel about your cheating. (You didn’t realise how it would feel and how catastrophic it could be).

You have explained how YOU love your spouse.

You’ve give us YOUR definition of love.

You have talked about YOUR needs.

You have talked about YOUR reasons for not going on this holiday with your family.

You have made a flowchart showing YOUR experience or rather what someone in YOUR position is faced with.

I do hope you can do better than this in real life.

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If you want to know about anyone else’s experiences, reasons for cheating, their feelings about their cheating, whether or not they love their spouse, how they define love, and what their needs are, their reasons for not going on holiday with their family…why don’t you ask them?

I am giving you the information that you are asking for, and responding to what other people are saying. That is generally how conversation works.

OP posts:

Anonusername1234 · 19/08/2025 15:13

@TreadingTrepidatious i absolutely get that you feel you are sorry, you understand, you see the context, you’re trying to make amends etc etc

But you still WILL NOT look at the actual personality flaws that led you, @TreadingTrepidatious into this affair. We all feel emotional disconnect in our marriages from time to time. We all feel pain or anguish or hurt about something going on in our lives but it does take certain INDIVIDUAL based flaws to engage in cheating on our primary partner.

I have tried as others have tried to make you see that there is something about you and you alone that led to self soothing whatever you were going through with another man.

I process my pain, my hurt, my anguish, I do not pass it on to the people I say I love, you did not. And affairs pass pain on. That ultimately is all they do. That is something for you to do some deep introspection about but you are determined not to listen to those trying to point this out. And this is where you are stuck.

Jom222 · 19/08/2025 15:22

I generally avoid joining in pile on's but OP has written novel length replies that leave the reader more confused every time. This is clearly deceptive and manipulative he uses irl and thinks he can weasel out of his problems by lying to mn now. We're not as stupid or easily tricked OP (tho I'm sure your wife isn't stupid, she's probably sick to hell of this bullshit)

OP you're clearly a man

you thought you'd get support here and are shocked to find it lacking

and continue to obfuscate the reality of the situation

However do enjoy your free time while wife and kids go away w/o and you have time to 'reflect' (ie cheat in peace)

Now please write me a novel in reply telling me how wrong I am and all your unmet needs and be sure to further hide that you're a man cheating on his wife and sorry to see that you'll have to pay real money to get out of this mess. Divorce is costly, sorry buddy.

Bloozie · 19/08/2025 15:26

I actually think you might stand a chance. Obviously it’s down to your husband ultimately. What he can sit with and move past. But you seem to have a methodical brain and half of the battle is being able to talk through the issues methodically.

What you did was wrong. And your flow chart is weird. But I understand entirely how it feels to be ignored and overlooked by your partner. It doesn’t justify an affair. But you know that. And your husband’s rejection of your requests for more connection and counselling just underlines that feeling of not mattering.

So while I do judge you for having an affair, given that I have been cheated on and it absolutely destroys you, I do think you and your husband stand a chance of rebuilding if you keep working through it the way you are. I have a female friend who had an affair and actually separated from the father of her children, left the family home, to pursue the affair. She and her husband managed to reconcile and seem stronger than ever before. It took brutal honesty and self-reflection and full ownership of the hurt she had caused.

Jom222 · 19/08/2025 15:27

TreadingTrepidatious · 18/08/2025 19:33

I made a flow chart

jesus christ

anytipswelcome · 19/08/2025 15:31

Have you blocked your affair partner on everything OP? Curious how they managed to contact you last week as surely blocking them is the least you could do?

Original poster

TreadingTrepidatious · 19/08/2025 15:34

BreatheAndFocus · 19/08/2025 12:45

No need to explain again because I’ve read your previous posts, OP, but I really don’t understand how you couldn’t have predicted how infidelity would affect your DH.

I can understand not thinking about how it would affect him and pushing any guilt down, but the lack of understanding and empathy is something strange. Have you never worried about your DH? I mean worrying about him getting ill, etc? Worrying about losing your relationship somehow? When he ‘didn’t meet your needs’ or maybe stayed late at work or whatever, did you never have a moment’s pang of fear that he might leave you or have someone else? I don’t mean a pang of jealousy, but a pang of fear for the potential loss of your loving relationship?

The whole way you write sounds arrogant. You say your DH wasn’t meeting your needs, but could it maybe also be that you were taking him for granted? That you’d assumed he’d always be there, like a loyal worshipper? Perhaps it’s just the way you wrote to try to hide who the betrayer was, but you sound like you see him as beneath you somehow.

I don’t know whether the counselling will work as that depends on you and your DH, but I don’t think you should assume anything about your DH. Will he ever look at you the same way again? Will he trust you? Is he secretly making his own plans for the future? You see him taking the DC away as him doing it in consideration of you, but perhaps the main reason he’s staying in the marriage and working on it is because he’s afraid he might lose his children and they might suffer if the relationship broke down. I think you’re maybe over-estimating how much you are part of his motivation.

In marriage, it can be easy to get stuck in a rut a bit and neglect each other’s needs. The key to that is to kindly but clearly communicate them very early on as soon as there starts to be a problem. The difficulty is in doing this without the other person being put on the defensive. If nothing else, I hope the counselling helps you both to find a way to do this.

I felt a lot of guilt while the affair was going on. I don’t think I pushed it down. Honestly I went online to speak with strangers about what I was doing with the hopes that respondents would increase that guilt and give me the strength to quit, or possibly some way to get through to my husband about what it was I needed and how get those things from him… I just couldn’t bring myself to give up AP and go back to feeling undesired and lonely in the silence.

> mean worrying about him getting ill, etc? Worrying about losing your relationship somehow?

Yes, I have.

> When he ‘didn’t meet your needs’ or maybe stayed late at work or whatever, did you never have a moment’s pang of fear that he might leave you or have someone else? I don’t mean a pang of jealousy, but a pang of fear for the potential loss of your loving relationship?

I don’t worry about him leaving me specifically for someone else. Like I said, I expected that if he found out, that he would be “hurt,” but I didn’t think that it would be such an offense that would cause him to leave me… At one point, I came home absolutely sobbing my eyes out after wondering why he didn’t want to talk and connect with me, why doesn’t he find me sexually exciting anymore, and I came to believe that our marriage was dead, even if it wasn’t going to end. That I was just going to be consigned to silence forever with this man I loved and wanted so desperately to feel close to and desired by again… I’m starting to cry again just remembering that feeling.

I definitely don’t see him as beneath me.

> Is he secretly making his own plans for the future?

I am keeping an eye out for signs of that, but honestly I think he is scared of me leaving as well. He told me a few weeks ago he was terrified I was “quietly getting my ducks in a row” and preparing to leave. (I was like, “Honey, I have no ducks, and I’m not fucking going anywhere.)

>You see him taking the DC away as him doing it in consideration of you, but perhaps the main reason he’s staying in the marriage and working on it is because he’s afraid he might lose his children and they might suffer if the relationship broke down. I think you’re maybe over-estimating how much you are part of his motivation.

I don’t see him taking the DC on holiday as something he’s doing “for me.” I think he wanted to go on holiday to this specific place, and I didn’t, and so he went without me, and of course it’s only fair to the DC to bring them along… I have explicitly told him I do not want to split up our family and that even if he did want to divorce, I would never try to alienate the DC from him. He is a damned good father and those children deserve him in their lives, plus it wasn’t him who did anything wrong here.

Thanks.

OP posts:

Original poster

TreadingTrepidatious · 19/08/2025 15:46

BlankBlankBlank14 · 19/08/2025 12:51

4 weeks, a whole 4 weeks!

Wow! Must deffo be over then….

You knew so little about your wife husband, you didn’t know the affect it would have? Really?

And you’re writing the script by the way, nothing physical, no way in six weeks was it not physical.

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It’s not like I can make time go any faster.

It has nothing to do with how well I know my husband, but the fact that I had no experience with the consequences of cheating off of which I could base empathy.

The first two weeks of interacting with AP, we were in a professional setting, and the feelings were just developing. I wasn’t even sure if he felt the same way, or if I was just being conceited and imagining things. So it was very strictly platonic. The next four weeks, we were separated by a very large physical distance, so we were texting, sexting, and calling one another. He said he would come to meet me on a particular weekend when I was out of town, though as that weekend was approaching, it was kind of apparent that he hadn’t made the arrangements to do so, so I had doubts he was actually going to meet up with me and was leaning towards breaking it off with him. Then DH found out a few days before that weekend, and I did break it off with AP. Like I said, I haven’t been in contact with him.

OP posts:

harriethoyle · 19/08/2025 15:48

So... roughly (and forgive me for not being arsed to count them) 375 posts before OP FINALLY admits what was skull crushingly apparent from the get go. They're the cheater.

Outstanding. Must be some kind of MN record!

Original poster

TreadingTrepidatious · 19/08/2025 15:54

Allthegoodonesareg0ne · 19/08/2025 12:57

The problem to recognise when weighing an affair against a long term relationship is that you're measuring apples against oranges.
You need to measure the start of your relationship with your dh against the affair.
Your ap is dealing with your grumpy morning moods, cleaning up after you, having to run around after kids with you. You see the worst of your spouse at times when you live together - especially when parenting. You and your ap are carefully curating interactions to show each other the best of yourselves.
Likewise, your spouse has loved you despite knowing all your flaws and bad habits.
It's simply not a reasonable comparison.

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That’s true. And that’s part of it, that it was fun to escape into this little fantasy world with AP where both of us were the versions of ourselves we presented and we didn’t have kids and finances and a household to worry about. Often times our conversations would veer off into some very unlikely fantasy scenarios as well.

OP posts:

ThatCyanCat · 19/08/2025 15:55

I am not sure what else I need to be doing besides “not cheating” anymore.

Ask your husband, in therapy.

BlankBlankBlank14 · 19/08/2025 15:56

TreadingTrepidatious · 19/08/2025 15:46

It’s not like I can make time go any faster.

It has nothing to do with how well I know my husband, but the fact that I had no experience with the consequences of cheating off of which I could base empathy.

The first two weeks of interacting with AP, we were in a professional setting, and the feelings were just developing. I wasn’t even sure if he felt the same way, or if I was just being conceited and imagining things. So it was very strictly platonic. The next four weeks, we were separated by a very large physical distance, so we were texting, sexting, and calling one another. He said he would come to meet me on a particular weekend when I was out of town, though as that weekend was approaching, it was kind of apparent that he hadn’t made the arrangements to do so, so I had doubts he was actually going to meet up with me and was leaning towards breaking it off with him. Then DH found out a few days before that weekend, and I did break it off with AP. Like I said, I haven’t been in contact with him.

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You had no experience? Never read a MN thread? Which you’ve said you have, whilst insulting MN posters for having opinions you want to ignore,

So you were sexting….. 🤮

I presume your DH must’ve seen them or you’ve showed for transparency. Honestly, the messages will haunt him.

Subwaystop · 19/08/2025 15:57

How does he feel about being away with the kids while you don’t join?

CoughCoughLaugh · 19/08/2025 16:03

TreadingTrepidatious · 19/08/2025 14:44

This is a moral question I’ve chewed on for a long time. I have ultimately decided that the partnered person in an affair has a greater duty to their partner to prevent the infidelity, but that the affair partner also bears at least some of the responsibility. The argument can be made that if no potential affair partner knowingly interacted in a way that violates boundaries with any potential cheater, then the cheaters would not be able to cheat and a large amount of infidelity would be prevented.

In my particular case, I did not go seeking an affair, and I did not go seeking the initial interactions with the affair partner. He knew I was married. He repeatedly sought me out and engaged me in conversation until we developed feelings for one another, and then reciprocated the flirting and sexting. Yes, I should have recognized when those feelings were developing sooner and elected to stop interacting with him. But I do not think he is entirely innocent here, either, and I was hoping that describing to him the effects of my cheating would discourage him from engaging with married women in the future.

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The argument can be made that if no potential affair partner knowingly interacted in a way that violates boundaries with any potential cheater, then the cheaters would not be able to cheat and a large amount of infidelity would be prevented.

You have got to be kidding me? I personally would not touch a married person with a barge pole but that's irrelevant. The affair partner has absolutely NO obligation to prevent YOU from breaking YOUR marriage vows. It's up to YOU to walk away, to tell them to stop. You keep saying you are taking full responsibility for the damage you have caused but this just proves that you actually are NOT. You've hinted it was your spouse's fault for not giving you the conversation you craved and now it's your AP's fault for not staying away. I'm sorry but that takes the biscuit. You actually need to admit it is 100% YOUR fault for breaking your marriage vows.

Original poster

TreadingTrepidatious · 19/08/2025 16:04

Robin67 · 19/08/2025 13:14

If you found out you were cheated on last night, you would be devastated and/ or angry. That is not the tone of your messages. So you have known about the cheating for a while are not upset=you are the cheater.

If you truly were the innocent person who was cheated on, you are so sanguine and accepting, you clearly don't need therapy.

If you are, as I suspect, the cheater, your attempts to deflect blame and try and calm everyone who is judging you make me feel confident that your wife doesn't need therapy, she just needs to leave you.

Accept the blame. Accept her anger. Or set her free. She can do better

>If you found out you were cheated on last night, you would be devastated and/ or angry.

I really don’t think that’s the case, especially after all of this. I think I would want to understand if there was some need of DH’s that I wasn’t meeting and whether I could meet those needs for him. I genuinely want him to be happy, and if there’s something I I can’t do or be for him, I would not be bothered by him getting it from someone else, just as long as it didn’t endanger the quality or longevity of our marriage. I don’t even think I would be that upset if he concealed it from me, if the concealment came at least partially from wanting to spare me from any possible pain resulting from the infidelity.

I have accepted the responsibility for the affair. I have actively discouraged DH from blaming himself when he was tending to do so.

OP posts:

Allthegoodonesareg0ne · 19/08/2025 16:05

TreadingTrepidatious · 19/08/2025 15:54

That’s true. And that’s part of it, that it was fun to escape into this little fantasy world with AP where both of us were the versions of ourselves we presented and we didn’t have kids and finances and a household to worry about. Often times our conversations would veer off into some very unlikely fantasy scenarios as well.

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Do you feel like you were giving your dh the same version of yourself, the same care and attention that you were giving your ap? Not necessarily during the affair but in the preceeding months?
A lot of the literature on affairs suggests that the enjoyment of them has much more to do with testing out a new and improved version of you - and having that validated- than it does about the ap themselves.
Perhaps invest some time in becoming that person for your spouse.

BlankBlankBlank14 · 19/08/2025 16:16

TreadingTrepidatious · 19/08/2025 16:04

>If you found out you were cheated on last night, you would be devastated and/ or angry.

I really don’t think that’s the case, especially after all of this. I think I would want to understand if there was some need of DH’s that I wasn’t meeting and whether I could meet those needs for him. I genuinely want him to be happy, and if there’s something I I can’t do or be for him, I would not be bothered by him getting it from someone else, just as long as it didn’t endanger the quality or longevity of our marriage. I don’t even think I would be that upset if he concealed it from me, if the concealment came at least partially from wanting to spare me from any possible pain resulting from the infidelity.

I have accepted the responsibility for the affair. I have actively discouraged DH from blaming himself when he was tending to do so.

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I wouldn’t tho k about the “needs” of yours that weren’t met, I’d kick you out and obtain custody of the children.

No amount of flow charts would stop me.

Honestly, it’s not your needs that even need thinking about, they’re totally irrelevant.

But you’re not listening.

sandyhappypeople · 19/08/2025 16:19

TreadingTrepidatious · 19/08/2025 16:04

>If you found out you were cheated on last night, you would be devastated and/ or angry.

I really don’t think that’s the case, especially after all of this. I think I would want to understand if there was some need of DH’s that I wasn’t meeting and whether I could meet those needs for him. I genuinely want him to be happy, and if there’s something I I can’t do or be for him, I would not be bothered by him getting it from someone else, just as long as it didn’t endanger the quality or longevity of our marriage. I don’t even think I would be that upset if he concealed it from me, if the concealment came at least partially from wanting to spare me from any possible pain resulting from the infidelity.

I have accepted the responsibility for the affair. I have actively discouraged DH from blaming himself when he was tending to do so.

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I really don’t think that’s the case, especially after all of this. I think I would want to understand if there was some need of DH’s that I wasn’t meeting and whether I could meet those needs for him.

What utter, utter bullshit.

Original poster

TreadingTrepidatious · 19/08/2025 16:21

Subwaystop · 19/08/2025 13:15

What a ride this has been!

Didn’t see the reveal coming, OP the cheater, a woman, home alone with the kids. I’m here till the end 🙃

OP why are you arguing with people over the color of the sky where you are? Why are you taking the bait on debates that are totally besides the point? I know from personal experience posting on MN that people will state facts about your OP that are objectifiably provably false. Like they will make assumptions that are very simply wrong and tell the OP they are right. Why argue? I’m also a very experienced based learner so I don’t find your comments about how experiencing cheating schooled you on its effects outrageous. You seem super reactive and you’re just letting pps lead you around on debates instead of sticking on topic and ignoring stuff that’s totally besides the point.

You’re totally right. You think I would have learned by now. I get suckered in every damn time

OP posts:

Original poster

TreadingTrepidatious · 19/08/2025 16:30

OchreRaven · 19/08/2025 13:18

You genuinely wouldn’t be upset if your DH was telling some other woman how wonderful they were and making plans behind your back to have sex — sex that he is very excited about having. You didn’t think that would bother you much?? I find that hard to believe since you have said all you want is to feel desired. But to know he desired someone else wouldn’t actually break you inside?

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Some other women are wonderful and desirable and deserve to be told 🤷🏻‍♀️

I genuinely don’t feel bothered at all by the thought of DH having sex with someone else as long as my needs are met, and he knows I don’t require sexual monogamy from him. So I would hope that DH would feel comfortable telling me if he’s having sex with someone else. I think how upset I would be if he did it behind my back would be dependent on why he concealed it.

OP posts:

BlankBlankBlank14 · 19/08/2025 16:36

TreadingTrepidatious · 19/08/2025 16:30

Some other women are wonderful and desirable and deserve to be told 🤷🏻‍♀️

I genuinely don’t feel bothered at all by the thought of DH having sex with someone else as long as my needs are met, and he knows I don’t require sexual monogamy from him. So I would hope that DH would feel comfortable telling me if he’s having sex with someone else. I think how upset I would be if he did it behind my back would be dependent on why he concealed it.

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Now that’s taken a turn……..