Oh Bananabeau you will be missed.

[Rainbows41]

I'm so sorry to see your post has been removed. You will be missed.
I refreshed my app daily in the hopes of seeing positive updates from you, and I'm sad you felt you needed to remove your post altogether.
I wish you well in your future and I sincerely hope you can fulfill your dreams.

You deserve to be happy.
💗

Please try not to think like that. You can get through this, and you will. Don't let the bastard win.

Apologies I dont remember from previous threads... have you sought legal advise? Many lawyers offer a 30 min free session. Do that, as well as contact the police and women's aid as PP said.

Are you able to speak to your employer, see if you can get a small advance on your salary to see you through the next fortnight?

You need to find that rage again banana. I think you need to see your GP if you are feeling so low. You sound depressed, you could get something prescribed to help you.
there is so much help out there please reach out to police, women’s aid, your GP, boss, colleague.

Can you leave the house? Is there a relative who can help? Can you get out to make a call to the police? What I’d hope is that they will remove him and give you some time to get out.

Work might be a good idea. Speak to your boss and ask them to help. A good company with strong pastoral care will have systems in place for situations like this. Reaching out to somebody, anybody in your life is a start.

Financial abuse is ABUSE.

Please contact Women's Aid

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/what-we-do/supporting-survivors/flexible-fund/

And the police

https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/family-and-care/talk-money/financial-abuse-spotting-the-signs-and-leaving-safely

My heart goes out to you, what a complete bastard.
Cant add any more helpthan already advised, but please reach out to womans aid/ police/ your employer. x

It's ok to feel like you don't want to go on any more.

Remember to be really kind to yourself in your mind. The steps you have taken to date have been huge. There are steps forward & steps back. This is the way of things & all things are temporary including emotions. This will pass.

It might be time to retreat into yourself & just do the bare minimum.

Samaritans are there for you day or night & it's ok to call or email them about anything - they will just listen.

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

Oh gosh @bananabeau just know that although I am a stranger I am thinking of you and wishing you all the strength in the world. Please please leave the house now, go to the nearest public place with a phone, even if its the local corner shop and ask to borrow their phone to call the police.

If you can get to a pharmacy in one of the supermarkets they have support there to help in domestic abuse situations. I know that right now it all feels so impossible but it isn't, you were so strong and determined and angry. Please find your anger again, you are worth so much more than this.

The whole of Mumsnet is holding you in our thoughts.

Oh, Bananabeau, I am so sorry to hear about your current situation. In the time since we last heard from you I was quietly hoping that you were moving forward to the wonderful new future you deserve. Well, it hasn't happened yet but it WILL.

Your husband's behaviour is brazen bare-faced COERCIVE CONTROL. It may sound melodramatic but you are in a hostage situation if you have no access to funds despite being a working woman.

I hope you feel able to phone the police today and get the wheels moving.

There is a whole regiment of people from your previous threads wishing you well and ready to cheer when you leave this nightmare behind. Good luck!

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/how-we-can-support-you/

here’s the link from the woman’s aid site for a phone number or online support.

it is financial abuse what he is doing so if you feel up to it you can call the police.

However, are you married? I think you were try and get all the paperwork that you can together to help you in the future.

If you can find somewhere to stay for a couple of weeks this is the start of a new life for you. You can do this. Things where you are are untenable but you can find.

good luck

@bananabeau

Do you have any allergies to cats / dogs, and Do you drive / have access to your own car ?

Could work give you emergency leave for x time ? or could / will your GP sign you off work for x time ?

As

I have a spare bed for about 3 weeks, you would be safe.

@bananabeau as others have said, you should call the police & tell them exactly what you have written here - & let your boss know what is happening.

It must feel like the world is caving in around you, but the police/refuge/your boss will help.

Please don’t despair. There are so many people here willing you on.

@bananabeau Sorry to hear he's behaving so badly. You do not deserve this. Please don't give up.

Oh banana this is terrible! Surely what he is doing is illegal? You need legal advice asap!! Ask a family member if your can borrow some money until you have legal advice. Explain what has happened. You poor thing!

He is virtually holding you hostage @bananabeau .

Thoughts with you. I believe you are entitled to half of what he has?

As I recall this began with a post about a graduation… and look where things are now. Hopefully the worst will soon be behind you… but be careful, if you are finding out that he is capable of worse than you thought.

Bon courage.

Hang in there Banana. Pull yourself in tight, dig deep into your soul, and just keep breathing.

You need help urgently. I've read all your threads, and I think work might a good place to get the help you need right now. Of course you don't want to bring your personal problems into your professional life, but the situation is critical.

Talk to your manager, or someone you know in HR. Is your performance at work starting to suffer? Are you worried it might? Maybe that could be a way to open the conversation... Explain what your current situation is at home, tell them you want to leave but he's cut off all access to money and he's monitoring your phone. They may be able to advance you some of next month's salary, or provide some actual real-life support while your plan how to leave - the best way might be giving you the time and space to sit alone in a meeting room while you make phone calls... to solicitors, Women's Aid, family / old friends, the police... whoever.

I'm suggesting this because I seem to recall you have been with your employer a long time and like your job? So I assume they're generally supportive and care about employee welfare?

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Massive hugs. You're in my prayers xx

This is a truly brilliant resource:
https://www.flows.org.uk/

@bananabeau I am so sorry. He is an abusive, coercive shit. Keep posting here for support. You need to speak to someone irl and flag up what you are experiencing. Please go back to your GP, and get it on record what is happening to your health because of this man. As pp have suggested, please speak to the police and/or women’s aid and/or speak to your employer about getting an advance so you have some financial autonomy. These are the hard yards you are having to wade through for a better life in the end. But you are strong and a survivor and you can do this. Don’t let him break your spirit, lovely, you are worth a thousand times this abusive, sick fuck of an excuse for a human being. You can do this.

@bananabeau going to your gp as prev poster suggested is a very good idea.I went through similar to you with my ExH and this helped. Would it be possible for you to do this? Also the police, call 111 which is the non emergency number ( if you are not in immediate danger). To be honest, they take this very seriously and from experience they willl come and arrest him or put him under caution. Please continue to post for support here, we are all rooting for you. Xx

Hang on in there @bananabeau. You will get through this. Please call some of the helplines/police when you are at work. Thinking of you.

Yes, legal advice. We (not in the UK, so probably different) do not offer any free sessions.

But most women's shelters, women's legal aid centers etc. will pay for 3 hours with us (albeit at a reduced rate, so it's partially funded by us...). Are there similar schemes in the UK?

Don't give up banana. You can get through this.

I know the quote has been done to death (and is a bit trite). But if you're going through hell, keep going. Do you want to get stuck? No. So keep going until you get out at the other side.

There are also women’s refuges - you don’t need any money for this and it’s a safe place to stay. The link below may be a good starting point for you. They may be able to help you find a refuge. Feel free to pm me if you need help refuge.org.uk

I would go into a police station and report the abuse before or after work, reach out to someone at work telling them what’s happening and get a GP’s appointment. Let GP know what’s happening and get in touch with Woman’s Aid, they might help you to move out, be on the council list as priority and you will have the abuse logged.
I can see why his ex has mental health issues, he puts on a mask pretending to be a good guy who’s a little thoughtless but the mask has fallen and revealed he’s an abusive man. He’s been moulding you for years, he thought you being younger meant you were naive and compliant.
You might feel emotional and financial abuse isn’t enough reason to go for help but it definitely is! It could also escalate as he knows you want to leave and this is a dangerous situation whilst living with an abuser.

Morning Banana. Some great advice here.

Please keep posting even if you don't yet feel able to tell anyone IRL. We're all here to support you, not pressure you.