Is OLD as hard for men as it is for women

[Beanfry]

I keep reading about how OLD is a cess pit for women, that there are no good men out there. But are men finding it the same in reverse, or are there really 100 women to every good man?

starting to think about dipping my toe back into the dating world, but the stories of how bad OLD is is putting me off. For context i turned 40 last week, so my dating age range would be 37 - 45

😱 I have naturally plump lips, why is that a no? Is it just the fake kind of big lips you take exception to? 😂

I would assume that want to be messaged via Instagram or something.

I see plenty of women saying they don't want any drama. Does that translate differently to when men say it?

Agree that some women are massively unrealistic ( though I’d say that men are definitely more delusional) They want someone to look like Hugh Jackman- even if they’re average looking themselves.

I’d say I’m an attractive woman.

I’m a sucker for a man who makes me laugh and is good company, so definitely willing to compromise on looks and don’t mind if they’re a bit tubby.

But I’ve worked with colleagues who’d never consider an average looking guy- even though they are average themselves. I went out with a guy who wasn’t conventionally handsome, but very sexy and we really clicked. Got so many bitchy comments about him!

Yes. Totally soul-destroying.

It all becomes a bit self fulfilling, but as a man if you’re getting an average response rate of 1% (feels about right) then if you only swiped 10 or 20 you’d get nothing back. They do as many as they can within their criteria and expect to have very few actual choices by the end.

I only see male profiles so I can’t comment on that.

As a female, it’s not something I would put on my own dating bio…

I know several colleagues that in their younger days used OLD to get free meals.

Well, we did when we were all dating the old-fashioned way, back in the Palaeolithic. Seems even more apt when selecting potential partners from an online catalogue.

I feel like going on a date with someone you're not interested in would be so much worse than just paying for dinner!

It's also because women can, and do, artificially inflate their looks on photos with heavy make up, filters etc. Men just tend to take photos as they are (and not always good ones). As all the make up and filters makes them look physically attractive, or inflates their attractiveness, they then demand an attractive man.

You would have thought so, but they were happy to go out to restaurants (sometimes really expensive ones) and then often joined up with friends to go out to pubs and clubs.

One problem is that men will tend to harp on that 'no woman swipes on me, I'm not one of the 10s, all women want tall, muscular good looking men'. But that's just not true, not ALL women want tall, muscular or good looking men. But women do tend to want well written bios without spelling mistakes. They want literacy, they want a man who will engage their brain. But when men are just writing 'cant do thes thing, jus arsk' - it could go some way to explaining why they aren't being swiped.

Depends what sort of person you are doesnt it.

I’ve tried OLD several times over the last decade and had zero messages or dates. So I’d say it’s definitely not easier for women.

while I think OLD is easiest for attractive, Intelligent men, I do think that the high failure rates for both sexes are down to the fact we don’t know what’s good for us!

everyone seems to trot out the same old crap - ‘looking for someone with good sense of humour for long walks on the beach’ totally forgetting that they go for one walk on the beach a year max. They may not be laugh a minute either.

my first marriage, I went for someone who was ‘fun and exciting’ …turns out i’d much rather have a sensible, kind level headed bloke. I enjoy his company and we are more compatible.

@MsDDxxEveryone knows what she means.

Hypothetically I think someone like Hugh Jackman would still see a lot of rejection on OLD or dating in general. Good looks, good job etc are not a guarantee. So for all other men (who obviously have less) don't expect much, people are being disingenuous when talking about success. Historically war killed off a lot of men and so there used to be a lot less disappointed men!

The numbers consistently back up that OLD is just not good for men. Perhaps it is an age thing and there does seem to be more demand for 45-55 year old men.

It’s exactly the same fir most women in that respect

Im in my 50’s and reasonably attractive. I got messaged from men at least a decade older and the oldest was actually 79!! Many of them get quite agressive when they got a polite no.

I was very realistic and didn’t swipe on anyone I thought was out of my league. I did get what seemed good matches but so many just sent the most dreadful sexual or cringey messages. I did try to instigate some decent conversations but found a lot of ones who appeared initially promising had no communication skills whatsoever.

I did go on a handful of dates. Most were nice enough guys but there was no attraction, there were 2 dates from hell and a couple that went on to second dates Of those one I felt was too big a drinker and the other there was a real physical attraction but after the second date he showed a controlling side telling me that ‘now we’re together’ I need to cut down seeing my friends and I shouldn’t go on holiday without him - after tel bloody dates.

I gave up and decided to stay single unless someone crosses my path randomly.

So funny. Like we can't take ourselves out for a nice meal if we wanted to and would prefer to sit a suffer some excruciatingly boring date, just to have a 'free meal' 😂

Yeh like how poor would u have to be? How much are noodles or beans on toast? Noones that hard up. I don’t buy it

The apps are still very visual though. Are all these tall hunks, that get all the matches from women, writing interesting profiles?

It won't matter what they write (to most women on there) if they don't look good or they're too short. Men just don't get many matches at all if they aren't physically attractive on their photos. They might get the odd one and they get lucky and it goes somewhere.

Women are swiping right on a small percentage of men. What those men will have more in common than well-written bios is they're tall and attractive.

I agree. I can’t imagine a worse way to spend an evening than sitting over 3 courses with a man you don’t fancy or find interesting rather than order a Deliveroo for yourself.

Women like that embarrass me with their grabby behaviour.

100% - I’d rather an average looking man with a good wit and an ability to communicate than a good looking bloke who messages ‘hi babe u look well sexy innit’

As yes I have had messages of that ilk before

To be honest I know a women who is late 50’s and will only go on dates with men who take her to high end restaurants for the first date plus she never takes her purse because she expects them to pay.

She is attractive but she’s got the personality of a wet lettuce so rarely gets a second date.