Ending a relationship over an 8 year old and his mother.

[seahorseraven123]

Hi there. I know it sounds ridiculous but this story is exactly what that title says.

Ive been in this relationship for 7 years. And in that time all I've received is abuse from the child and his mother.

The child is rude , argumentative, has no respect for me and the language that comes from him is appalling. Now his mother is saying you don't have to listen to her , she's just your dad's girlfriend etc.

Im at my wits end. Im so relieved when he goes to hers on a Friday but by the Sunday, I dread it. The mood in the house changes and he brings his attitude back home with him.

Ive tried to have conversations with Dad , basically explaining how im feeling. I get the usual" I'll speak to him" "its going to take time ".

I don't know what else to say. We have a 2 year old together so im trying really hard to just keep it all to myself bit I'm suffering.

I let them move in instead of staying with partners mum , they have control over the house , Im just numb.

Any advice would be grateful.

Thank you

Kick them out. It’s clear your partner has no respect for you if he’s not trying to manage his child’s behaviour. I appreciate you may have come into the child’s life very quickly or not but this continued behaviour from both of them is not good. Your child deserves a happy mother.

Get rid. It's not their house so off they go. There have been too many threads lately about shit parents and their feral scroaty offspring. This is why l don't date men with children: l don't have the stomach for the freeloading and Disney dad behaviour

Obviously chuck them out!

What’s the alternative? Let a bloke who has absolutely no respect for you live with you in your house.

Have i tried enough though? Everytime I bring it up , I get told its not enough to break a couple up

Ive taken them both back so many times aswell.

I always get " she's just going to moan at me " - child's mother.

Thats his problem not yours.

Its draining on a person.

@seahorseraven123 time to get rid for sure

Kick them out and stop letting them back in. Let me guess, he doesn't pay his fair share either?

I guess it’s time to grow a backbone.

We are supposed to pay half and half but usually he says put everything together then split

I am trying ...

7yrs of trying is more than enough. This is not fair on you and it's not fair on your child OP. Time to put you and your toddler first.

I wouldn't even know how to approach the conversation

'It's not working out between us. I want you and <son's name> to move out'

That's your opener. Then do broken record. Keep repeating that it's not working and you want to end it.

'This is not working for me any longer. Send Little Johnny to his mother and you can pack your stuff. We're over. Where you go is not my problem - you are a grown up. I'll contact the CSA to get a proper assessment for maintenance for our joint child. Good luck for the future.;

Rinse and repeat. He knows what the problem is - he doesn't need to agree with you whether its 'enough to break up' over. It is for you. His opinion is irrelevant.

I think you’re looking for justification to end this relationship. You don’t need it. He’s (his circumstances anyway) are making you miserable. You don’t need to fix his problems. You don’t need to put up with his child’s rudeness. When the child goes next, ask him to leave. Have some peace in your own home without being on egg shells.

The bonus of throwing exh out was never having to deal with his ex or his dc....
Seriously op you only get 1 life. Tell him you expect your dd to have time with just him and his other dc also. And claim cms.

What do you mean?

Sounds like this child lives with you Mon-Fri? So your DH is the resident parent? And you’ve been with him since the child was 1?

Presumably a 1 year old wasn’t doing all this/ giving you attitude? Why do you think you haven’t built a more positive relationship between a child who was a baby when you came on the scene and presumably doesn’t remember a time before you were around? Have the custody arrangements changed more recently? Why does his mum only have him weekends? At what point did you ‘let them move in?”

Sorry for all the questions it just sounds very odd that you’ve been in this child’s life since they were tiny, living with you most of the time, had another child with his dad and yet it’s still all so acrimonious with the mum and nothing has been done (by DP) to organise something more stable and lasting for a child he has with him most of the time.

It does sound messy and you can of course end a relationship at any time for any reason, he doesn’t sound like a great partner (or dad to be honest).

@seahorseraven123 I let them move in instead of staying with partners mum , they have control over the house. does your dp have the child the majority of the time??? is the mother unable to look after her own child?

The great thing is you’re in control here, not your P or your DSC.

A simple “this isn’t working, the two of you need to move back to your mum’s” and voilá, all your problems disappear.

Congrats on doing the sensible thing and keeping the house in your name, it’s paying off now you’re about to get your freedom back.

"This isn't working for me. I'm continually disrespected in my own home and am not longer willing to put up with it. It's time for you both to leave".

That's it and stuck to it.

You have a grown man, his 8 year old and his ex all taking the pissout if you. Stop it now but standing up for yourself immediately.

And for what it's worth, you aren't ending a relationship over an 8 year old & his mother, you are ending it with a man who has so little respect for you that he allows this shit to continue".

I let them move in

It's always the same. Tell him to get the hell out of your house, OP. Go back to living without him and his child, and without the ex's poison. It's not worth it. He can go and stay with his ex.