Ending a relationship over an 8 year old and his mother.

[seahorseraven123]

Hi there. I know it sounds ridiculous but this story is exactly what that title says.

Ive been in this relationship for 7 years. And in that time all I've received is abuse from the child and his mother.

The child is rude , argumentative, has no respect for me and the language that comes from him is appalling. Now his mother is saying you don't have to listen to her , she's just your dad's girlfriend etc.

Im at my wits end. Im so relieved when he goes to hers on a Friday but by the Sunday, I dread it. The mood in the house changes and he brings his attitude back home with him.

Ive tried to have conversations with Dad , basically explaining how im feeling. I get the usual" I'll speak to him" "its going to take time ".

I don't know what else to say. We have a 2 year old together so im trying really hard to just keep it all to myself bit I'm suffering.

I let them move in instead of staying with partners mum , they have control over the house , Im just numb.

Any advice would be grateful.

Thank you

You don’t particularly need to break up surely? He has every weekend free so you can just see each other then. Plenty of couples don’t live together.

I mean to be fair, you should never have gotten yourself involved with a man with a months old baby at the time. However my advice would be to kick him (your partner) out. You'll have a much more peaceful life.

Do you rent or own?
If rent, whose name is the lease in? If yours only, when does it end?

Which suggests more than him just disrespecting you. There is clearly a larger issue which his dad needs to be looking into, for his son’s sake.

Wow.

He really is a lazy fecker.

Can you have a relationship without living together.

It will either break up the relationship or it will break you!
choose yourself!

So this is your flat? He has no ownership?

You have rather created this situation. And yes, the first step to dealing with it is acknowledging that.

Then acknowledging that the only person who can change it is you.

He won't change anything. Why would he. He's got a free place to stay, a woman who provides it and I'd bet you do a lot of the childcare for his son.

This is the man who either walked out on his very young dependent kid, or she got them away from him.

I hope you have cast iron contraceptive in place.

Time to make your statement about respect - that you have the right to respect from him, and his child. His ex is irrelevant. He needs to step up and father. Keep making your statements, calmly and consistently.

Start researching parenting and assertiveness courses. They're skills, like driving and French. And learning assertive parenting skills will help you when your own child starts issuing challenges.

Plan consequences for this kid. It's not like his family was suddenly ripped apart by you, he's known you a long time.

You are not considering breaking up over a child and his mother. It's about your freeloading, disrespectful, clueless as a father, wet lettuce lump of a (current) partner, his personality, his behaviour, his attitudes, his dismissal of your feelings, persistent exploitation of your meekness and bulldozing over your wishes and opinions. What a prize.

And you are not just his father's girlfriend. You're his father's partner, the mother of his sibling, and their landlady.

Get angry and get active.

Hi @seahorseraven123 whats your situation now? Any updates

You don't need his permission OP. Of course he's going to say that. It's not in his interests to be kicked out!

Your child will start to copy this very shortly. You already sound really ground down. Please get rid before this impacts you and your DC even more.

Unpopular opinion, but you got together with this man when his child was just a baby. Did you not think that it was odd that with a child that young, he was looking to get into a relationship rather than bonding with his baby?

That poor child.
Seen his Mum have two younger siblings and he is moved out of the nest… to his Dad’s where again, Dad has new baby that he lives with all the time.

Blended families are so rarely blended and so hard for kids.

And you can’t let your 2 year old grow up watching a resident half sibling behave like this.

Your priority has to be your child, and then you.

But now your kid loses a live-in Dad.

No perfect solution, but unless your DP steps up, you all get a bigger place to live, maybe some parenting support to help sort out the 8 year olds distress and behaviour, there isn’t really anything better on offer.

Told by who? You can make your own mind up. If you're being made to feel this way then you can break up. You can break up for any reason at all.

I think that was advice. I didn't see it as criticism. What are you looking for here?

So the child was a baby when you got with his father? Might explain why you're getting agro from the mum. Why were you getting yourself involved with a man who hadn't long had a baby to someone?

Because why shouldn't I? She cheated and literally abandoned them both. So im not allowed to find love ?

So because he had a baby , his life should be on hold?

We aren't together

That's not what I said, was it? However, his infant child should certainly have taken priority over seeking a new relationship at that age. Its not exactly healthy to jump straight from one relationship into another either. Rebounds never work out well.

It's a difficult situation. I have a two year old with my partner and he has an 8 year old from a previous relationship too, me and the child get on she is just very loud etc but she is not disrespectful to me. So you knew the child since they were one? How has the relationship became so bad between you? Does the child feel unwanted? Jealous that his parents are no longer together? That he has a new sibling? You need to work out why the childs behaviour is so bad as you hav e known him a long time. I can understand this being a huge strain on your relationship and in your own home and I'd hate it. I hope it can be rectified without the relationship ending.

The rebound that has lasted 7 years and we now have our own child. Not much of a rebound then.

The rebound that has lasted 7 years and we now have our own child. Not much of a rebound then.

Unfortunately relationship has ended. But he just wanted his dad all to himself. Thats what he said in his own words.

Sometimes rebounds can last longer than usual and sometimes they do result in children. However, what's done is done, all you can do is focus on the future.

He was with her for about 3 years. She has got 2 other kids and we waited years to have a baby. I came here for advice but I feel so judged by you all