Not his type

[annonymous98]

Me and my partner have been together 3 years now, and we share a 1 year old together. When we first met he told me he “doesn’t mind” big girls but couldn’t name one that he found attractive. He said to me he likes them because they seem like better partners. However he’s always gone on about skinny girls our whole relationship. He stopped last September but the damage is done. Am I wrong for thinking he wanted to venture out to something that wasn’t his type and it’s gone right?

Are you a " big girl" (whatever that is). Maybe he's actually realised that it's not a very nice thing to say to you.

UK size L/14. I mean I stopped being intimate because I got so insecure that he realised it’s so hurtful. Hundreds of girls he’s talked about to me and 1 was big, and that was trisha paytas. Im not even white. Also trisha paytas also gets lipo suction and bbls.

Also I can clearly see his type. It’s skinny girls. He says he likes big girls but ive never seen it on his phone and hes never spoke about them to me. But skinny girls he will show me time and time again bigging them up. I feel like he wanted a partner that resembled his mum. And I was some some of experiment that turned out well. Whatever it is I know I’m not his type. He always calls big women fat c*nts.

Look @annonymous98 you aren’t even a “big” girl. That’s a separate issue really. The real problem here is him going on about other women. That’s so disrespectful. You deserve far better. 💐

Why is he talking with you about people he's attracted to? I assume he's clueless and trying to leave you feeling unsettled and insecure. That's not a good relationship.

And it's working because you're on here worrying about whether he's attracted to you. Why on earth are you attracted to him?

What age are you both? Sounds like you spend far too much time on social media which is in no way, shape or form representative of the average woman. Size 14 isn't big, especially if it's in proportion to your height.

Have a sit down and a conversation with him and don't obsess about your size.

Urgh - soon as he started going on about women’s bodies and other people he found attractive, I’d be off. You’re perfect just as you are, don’t let this man hold ruin your confidence!

Jeez, what a charmer, the more I read the less I'm impressed.

I have a type too, which George Clooney combined with Brad Pitt with the body of Liam Hemsworth
And the bank balance of Jeff Bezos
On planet reality I’m dating somebody who is none of those things and I’m really happy.
It’s called being an adult

You’re an average sized woman but that’s not the issue here. He’s a disrespectful wanker continually talking to you about women that he finds attractive. As for calling women fat cunts - he’s a misogynistic prick who only sees women as wank fodder.

It’s deliberate to put you down - tell him enough is enough. Good men don’t behave like this. He’s repulsive

It's not acceptable...for him to talk about women he finds attractive or for him to show you pictures of women he finds attractive or for him to give attention to other women if he's doing that.
Calling women fat cunts is disgusting.
No wonder your self esteem is on the floor. Do you really want to be with someone as unpleasant as this?

Right?! If a BF suddenly started telling me about other women he found attractive or started pointing them out in real life (even I was his type and they looked similar to me) AND WORSE called other women fat c*nts. Nah ah - he would be gone immediately. No way in the world I’d ever entertain a relationship like that. Which is why I just don’t get it when OPs start threads complaining about such partners when as soon as they knew their true feelings they should have just ditched them then! Like what’s the point of coming to MN once as a grown adult you’ve made that free decision? 🤦🏻‍♀️

Can you see how utterly dysfunctional this dynamic is? He’s an absolute bellend. Why does he have ANY pictures of women on his phone? Why does he show you? Why does he “big them up” to you? He absolutely knows what he’s doing when he compares you to other women. He’s a creep. I really hope you find the self respect to keep your dignity and leave him. I promise you’ll be so glad you did.

Why would you see pictures of other women on his phone, big or "skinny"?

I’m 26 and he’s 22.

Do you do anything together?

I was manipulated and gaslighted into believing he would change and he doesn’t mean it and I’m “perfect” unfortunately I found out it was all a lie when I was 7 months pregnant. Sticky situation.

Bedroom wise. My labido has gone and I’ve got body dysmorphia. So I don’t have the urge nor want to do anything because I feel so damaged.

Well I was going to say it’s not a crime to acknowledge someone is attractive even if they don’t look like your partner. I think Idris Elba is gorgeous, he doesn’t look like my husband but I also think my husband is absolutely gorgeous.

But I certainly wouldn’t stay with someone who would call anyone a fat c.

Followings, likes etc. it’s just all skinny women. His phone has been clear since September and he’s refrained from saying hurtful things. But I feel like he’s just the same person just not vocalising it to me.

But you would also find men that look like your partner attractive right? Where as mine doesn’t. You wouldn’t only find men that look nothing like your husband attractive right? Where as he does. It’s only 1 type of girl he likes and it’s my polar opposite. It’s like I’m the black sheep.

i can see this. But I didn’t know if it was just me or if I was being reasonable.

He said I’m a big chunky woman. I want to feel good and womanly. But I can’t feel like that with him. Unfortunately I was lied to until my 7th month of pregnancy. So not much I could have done.

It’s DEFINITELY not you I promise 💕💕