Not his type

[annonymous98]

Me and my partner have been together 3 years now, and we share a 1 year old together. When we first met he told me he “doesn’t mind” big girls but couldn’t name one that he found attractive. He said to me he likes them because they seem like better partners. However he’s always gone on about skinny girls our whole relationship. He stopped last September but the damage is done. Am I wrong for thinking he wanted to venture out to something that wasn’t his type and it’s gone right?

Well so much you can do now. You don't have to be in a relationship with him. Maybe you can't pack a bag and leave tonight but you can start getting your options ready. You deserve more than this.

Is your baby a boy or a girl?

I think he is not your ten out of ten, and perhaps you are not his either.

I would not tolerate treatment like this,.making me sad and down. There is a man who will double take you every time he sees you. Think carefully about wasting your life on someone who could easily be attracted elsewhere and then go off... it's not good enough.

I know this sounds pathetic but he really is my 10/10. I adore every part of him. And he is my type. I just wish I could’ve saw through everything and left earlier. But if I did I wouldn’t have my beautiful baby.

Thank you lovely. I have a little boy.

He always calls big women fat cnts*

Jesus Christ. I'm not sure how much clearer he needs to make himself here. Come on OP. Wake up!

It's not normal, nor is it a coincidence that he keeps brining up other women all the time! It's clear to me he went for you because he thought that you'd have lower standards, or that you'd work harder to keep him happy as he and others like him don't really find larger women attractive. Nasty red flags right there.

By mentioning these women again & again, he's hoping to make you feel so bad and insecure about yourself that you will get the hint and lose weight for him.

Everytime I’ve said I want to lose weight he says no. Sometimes he’s on board because he’s seen pictures of me skinny and says I look good. But most of the time he says no he doesn’t want a skinny girl. I just don’t feel good and it’s because of him. I fear if I leave him I will still suffer within myself because of this.

comments like this make me despair.
a man who speaks to you and about other women like this is your 10/10?
Where is your self respect? How is this good enough for anyone?
The man is an absolute dog.

Obviously that I would change about him. I mean he hasn’t done it for months and apologises but it won’t mean he has changed it will just mean he is silent about it. Which I can’t stand. But physically he is a 10 for me. Even a 20. I just wish this one thing would be different.

I like tall (over 6ft), dark haired, big built (think fitness/body builder) body types on a man! So yes, I have a type. However, my husband only ticks one of those boxes - dark haired! We can all have a 'type' but that doesn't mean we don't love our partner or find them attractive. It may be that your boyfriend realised his comments weren't helping your insecurities, and therefore stopped. Don't allow your insecurities to destroy your relationship. Do you work? Does your employer have an Employee Assistant Program? If so, they can offer therapy. You need help to increase your self-esteem and self-worth.

100%. He’s a wanker.

I understand your point. However do you like men that look like your husband. And is big built dark haired over 6ft men your only type? Because that’s the case for my partner with skinny girls. It just makes me feel like shit. I’ve never even done it back to him. I couldn’t.

apart from this one issue he’s perfect I wouldn’t want anyone else. He’s everything looks wise I want in a man. I actually felt privileged when he got with me that he was attracted to me in the first place. That’s quite sad really. I just feel like he’s tried something different and it’s worked out well. However it’s costed me my mental health, sex drive and confidence. He’s always had a type and I’m just over it.

OP - he’s not a 10 or perfect he’s a pathetic controlling manipulative abusive cunt who sees you as an object to bully, ridicule and dehumanise. He doesn’t love you, he doesn’t even like you - this is a disgusting piece of shit human. Please stop putting him on a pedestal and wake up before he totally destroys you

Ask him if he's happy to pay for all the yummy healthy fresh food you'd like to eat. Or a luxury gym membership with a creche. Or Mounjaro. Or therapy every week with someone very good and expensive to help you heal from his damage. Plus a new wardrobe with all the nice new clothes you'll be needing, oh and a nice new cut and colour at a great salon. Actually, why not all of the above.

That would be an interesting conversation, don't you think?
And if he agrees...why not go for it!
Then whatever you do after that is up to you...;-)

Ah, I've just seen you posted about this before. We can't keep saying the same thing OP. You said he made you suicidal, so you need to get out of there.

No partner should be talking about having a 'type' once they're in a relationship. It's immature and pointless. He's made you feel insecure and that's not right.

It is possible to find people of various different sizes attractive though. I mean in fantasy men might look at big butts, big boobs, really very unrealistic images because that's the kind of stuff available online. Some of them look like cartoons!?

But either way you shouldn't be with someone who makes you feel insecure about your appearance or size.

Just realised who the OP is. You’re the one who met him when he was a teenager and you had a child with a previous abusive partner right?

As the PP said, you keep ousting the sane thing and getting the same responses. Nothing is going to change if you disregard every piece of advice you’re given

He's far too immature to be in an adult relationship - your life won’t get better while you stay with him.

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Because of what's he's said so far, I would wager he doesn't want you to lose weight in case you start getting some self-esteem and attracting other men.

Thinking that too.

And OP he's hardly a 10 for you otherwise you wouldn't be feeling this way. Adonis or not he does not treat you how you deserve to be treated.

Can I ask if you ever got your daughter back after your ex husband kidnapped her?

You've been through a very tough time and every time you post about your boyfriend, he seems to get worse and worse.

Give yourself and your child(ren) the best possible chance and get rid of this twat.

But physically he is a 10 for me. Even a 20. Yet your libido rates him a big fat zero.

By your own admission he is a porn-addicted manchild who tell you that you look like his ‘fat 57-year-old mother’ and shows you porn stars who he think would make great girlfriends.

He’s an immature bully. Why are you still with him? Nobody is going to say anything different than on your many other (equally sad) threads. You don’t deserve this treatment.

Does he want to keep you bigger because he feels secure? Like you’ll be loyal to him and not attract more other men? Is it a control thing?
I ask this as if he typically likes very slim women then why would he be so anti you losing a little weight?

You are not a "big girl". But its not the issue, is it. Your partner is being a dick, he is showing active interest in other females, other than you - and he should not be doing that. What is they were similar looking to you? It doesn't matter, he should not be openly salivating over other women and "big them up" to you. Like, seriously, would it matter to you if another woman he decides to shag looks like you or completely different? its still another woman.