Not his type

[annonymous98]

Me and my partner have been together 3 years now, and we share a 1 year old together. When we first met he told me he “doesn’t mind” big girls but couldn’t name one that he found attractive. He said to me he likes them because they seem like better partners. However he’s always gone on about skinny girls our whole relationship. He stopped last September but the damage is done. Am I wrong for thinking he wanted to venture out to something that wasn’t his type and it’s gone right?

Your 10/10 is a man who spends his time on social media like a 16 year old and calls other women "fat cunts"? OK hun, crack on.

.....not everything that is good to look at is good to eat.....

I can't even believe why you are in a relationship with someone who talks about other women all the time.

As soon as he started talking about other women and what " types " he fancies that would have been the end for me.

Why sit there and allow a man to put you down?

He disrespects you, he doesl't love you and he enjoys destroying your self esteem.

How can you " adore" a man who enjoys making you feel bad about yourself?

Its the 21st century for heavens sake OP. Why are you listening to this appalling man's opinion on women?

You need to reframe this 10/10 nonsense.
Deduct a point for every unattractive thing that comes out of his filthy mouth.
Deduct more points for how many times he's made you feel less than.
Add them all up, and you'll see he's not worth shit.

I remind myself that 26 is very young.

Honestly, the man could be physically hotter than Hades - but his misogyny and debasing language make him repellant.
Looks fade, poor behaviour like this usually goes one way with age - and it’s not for the better. You’re giving the best years of your life to an unkind, arrogant and vain man who is probably only going to get worse. What is he going to teach your children about respect?
You and your kids deserve so much better than this man-child, OP.

Why do I actually love this response 😂

If you took the time to read through you’d see I’ve said I would change that about him if I could and putting aside that part of him everything else is a 10. Stop being a bitch Gina and read stuff first.

I have read your stuff and I'm not being a bitch, I'm just being real. So he looks at other women a lot, talks about other women a lot, makes you feel like shit a lot and calls other women "fat cunts", but apart from that he's perfect. I mean, really?

Yes because his other actions are contradicting. He’ll let me sleep in every morning, cook breakfast, wake up with cups of teas, massages my feet and he’s all over me constantly, tells his friends how he’s got the perfect partner. But then his words have been so opposite it’s a constant yo-yo. It’s confusing and I don’t know how to feel. Do I put it in the past or do I still acknowledge it? I have no idea what to do.

You have such a point I have no words.

I completely understand your point. And you have made a very valid point. But I should have included in my post that he was telling me he alot of things that were lies to distract me from what was going on and to make me think it wasn’t bad. Sounds ridiculous even saying that to be honest. But I was gaslit. And unfortunately I fell for it. Confronted him and realised it was all a lie when I was 2 months away from giving birth. It’s just been a bad situation but I think at least I’ve got a beautiful boy out of it.

😂😂😂😂😂 big eye opener for me there.

Unfortunately not. My narcissistic mentally ill mother has convinced my whole family to help me ex husband. They are all very cultural and believe me divorcing was wrong. However I didn’t want my child to grow up and realise the severity of what her father was putting me through.

Well he has said “I just think if you get skinny you will have more options” I just said I have options now and that’s men who actually like my body type. But it did hit me hard I can’t lie.

Why have you allowed your boundaries to be so low that you are prepared to accept this monumental level of negging?

Never mind whether you are 'his type'.

You need to start asking yourself why crass, insensitive, immature, insulting dickheads are your type.

When I mention this “I don’t need it” but when other girls get it done he says they look amazing. He likes cosmetic surgery and weed smokers. He got with a natural big girl who doesn’t smoke and had a body count of 1. I just feel like I should’ve woke up and smelt the roses before having a baby. But if I did I wouldn’t have this little angel of a child right now. I guess everything happens for a reason. And the reason for this was to learn how to not tolerate disrespect by the looks of it.

All I’ve really known is abuse since a child. When someone shows me kindness I think they’re amazing. Hard cycle to get out of even as a grown adult sadly.

What's the point in being with a "10/10" if you don't want to shag him (because, I assume, he's such a childish shallow prick)

Girl 😂😂😂 you’re brutal. Well since I don’t have a sex drive I don’t really care about sex at all. Not important. If I had somewhat of a sex drive it probably would matter to me. Apparently my asking him to change is too much to ask for. I’m convinced all men are the same at this point.

I also think it’s my body’s way of dealing with the hurt by protecting me.

They're really not. Some men are lovely. Yours sounds like a prick. Sorry!

Sounds like you have been through a lot in your 26 years. Please be kind to yourself and step away from this toxic and damaging relationship.

You cannot recover your wellbeing etc whilst still in relationship with the person who has been the one who caused you immense harm.

Enjoy your baby.

But make definite plans to end this damaging association.

I'm so sorry you have had such a difficult time.

But what you need to maybe consider is that he hasn't always been kind, has he? He's been really unpleasant and has wrecked your self-esteem. He wasn't kind when he was constantly telling you that his 'type' was the complete opposite of you. That was downright cruel of him to say that. And he didn't just do it a few times, did he?

Abusers aren't abusive all the time. If they were, then their partners would never stay with them at all. They alternate the abuse with being 'nice' and what often happens is that their victim blames themselves when the nastiness happens. So they stay in the hope that their abuser will start being nice to them again.

You sound like a kind person, and the number one person you need to be kind to is yourself. When other people show you a lack of kindness, then you need to realise that they do not have your best interests at heart. Vulnerable people attract abusers, because they see an easy target.

Jeez, is a size 14 "big"??

He's a 10/10 when he sits there ogling other women on Instagram. He's a sleazy fuck. Get him in the bin.