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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not his type

82 replies

annonymous98 · 29/06/2025 09:52

Me and my partner have been together 3 years now, and we share a 1 year old together. When we first met he told me he “doesn’t mind” big girls but couldn’t name one that he found attractive. He said to me he likes them because they seem like better partners. However he’s always gone on about skinny girls our whole relationship. He stopped last September but the damage is done. Am I wrong for thinking he wanted to venture out to something that wasn’t his type and it’s gone right?

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annonymous98 · 30/06/2025 21:35

TheGrimSmile · 30/06/2025 21:28

Jeez, is a size 14 "big"??

According to him. I’ve asked him to change since 2022 and I’ve just been gaslit. I’m really tired of it, I’m depressed with no sex drive, no confidence, hate mirror, hate leaving the house, hate buying clothes, hate social media. I just hate myself so much it’s unfair all I’ve ever done is love him with every bit of me. But he can’t stop having this type it’s literally destroyed me.

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annonymous98 · 30/06/2025 21:36

blacksax · 30/06/2025 21:20

I'm so sorry you have had such a difficult time.

But what you need to maybe consider is that he hasn't always been kind, has he? He's been really unpleasant and has wrecked your self-esteem. He wasn't kind when he was constantly telling you that his 'type' was the complete opposite of you. That was downright cruel of him to say that. And he didn't just do it a few times, did he?

Abusers aren't abusive all the time. If they were, then their partners would never stay with them at all. They alternate the abuse with being 'nice' and what often happens is that their victim blames themselves when the nastiness happens. So they stay in the hope that their abuser will start being nice to them again.

You sound like a kind person, and the number one person you need to be kind to is yourself. When other people show you a lack of kindness, then you need to realise that they do not have your best interests at heart. Vulnerable people attract abusers, because they see an easy target.

You’re so kind it made me cry. Thank you so much and may god bless you ✨

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partyboat356 · 30/06/2025 22:04

You are definitely not his type. You're far too good for him. He doesn't deserve you or your love.

blacksax · 01/07/2025 15:58

annonymous98 · 30/06/2025 21:36

You’re so kind it made me cry. Thank you so much and may god bless you ✨

Thank you and you too.

Something else you need to remember is this - when someone is unpleasant towards you, it does not mean you aren't worthy of their kindness, it means they aren't a nice person.

annonymous98 · 30/10/2025 13:43

yakkity · 29/06/2025 12:47

Does he want to keep you bigger because he feels secure? Like you’ll be loyal to him and not attract more other men? Is it a control thing?
I ask this as if he typically likes very slim women then why would he be so anti you losing a little weight?

I’m not sure but if it is then it hasn’t worked since his friends like bigger women 😂

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annonymous98 · 30/10/2025 13:44

blacksax · 01/07/2025 15:58

Thank you and you too.

Something else you need to remember is this - when someone is unpleasant towards you, it does not mean you aren't worthy of their kindness, it means they aren't a nice person.

I’ll always remember this. It might be minor for you but these words I’ll never forget and will bring me out of my dark times in the future. May god bless you

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annonymous98 · 30/10/2025 13:45

TheGrimSmile · 30/06/2025 21:30

He's a 10/10 when he sits there ogling other women on Instagram. He's a sleazy fuck. Get him in the bin.

Omg 😂😂😂 no cutting corners at all are you.

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