So lonely

[applejuiceisthebest]

Is anyone else just so lonely? Every time I go out I see happy couples which gets me down, I know not everything is as it seems sometimes but there are plenty of genuinely happy couples, I’m so lonely and don’t see that ever happening for me again. How do you combat loneliness? Friends have their own lives / partners so that doesn’t help me, not aimed at people that are happy on their own, I’m genuinely glad some people are but I just can’t relate.

Hi OP what stops you being happy in your own? It is a belief you “should” be with someone?

no lots of reasons, companionship, intimacy (not sexual) kissing cuddling etc, having someone to share life with those off the top of my head

Dating apps? Going out with friends? Lots of men out there!

@YesThatsATurdOnTheRug have you seen 95% of the men you encounter on dating apps. There's plenty there but not necessarily pleasant experiences haha.
I'd advise that you need to have a strong mindset for online dating and very thick skin.

I am hugely lonely, but it comes in waves. I don't really have advice other than trying to find things that you enjoy doing, making plans when you can so you have something to look forward to.
I'm a hugely social type in that I love company. So when you then spend most of your time alone it does pile on top of you and feel relentless.
There are lots of people like you though, it's not all happy couples.

If only it was that easy to meet someone

Get a pet if u can, seriously can give you love and companionship x

I have 3 cats but they don’t make me feel any less lonely (I don’t like dogs sorry 🫣)

Don’t want to be a crazy cat lady which sounds like I am 🤣

OP, do you live alone? It might help to consider living with someone or in a house share with like minded people. It could help having regular chats and just discussing your day. You may develop further friendships where you do things together like watch a movie or grab a meal.

My marriage was far lonelier than when I was single but my firm friendships were wonderful.

I have children

@applejuiceisthebest every couple have their own issues so dont assume everyone is super happy. I think if you really want to date, you have to have a thick skin and look for it ie via apps or making yourself more available when out and about (i eternally look too casual when doing the school run). I also think invest in friendships especially females because these are far less likely to disappoint. Ive been through a recent breakup and my friendships have been what have helped me.

No it’s not easy meeting people, but they won’t come to you. Widen your social circle, that might lead to naturally meeting someone. Get some hobbies, childcare permitting. I have been single 15yrs, i’m never lonely, I have a lot of friends and since kids got older, got some hobbies. I am kind of casually seeing someone, but it’s complicated and not serious. I didn’t date anyone for 12yrs, as my DC was my priority.

I’m glad you are not lonely but as I said this isn’t aimed at people that are happily single.

Friendships is not what I’m missing

No advice sorry, just solidarity. I feel the same, never been in a relationship and can’t imagine how comforting it must feel to have someone to constantly confide in and share your life with

I try and keep myself as busy as possible, always say yes to social invitations. Sadly I still feel that loneliness, platonic relationships just aren’t the same.

Oh I hear you OP. I was single right into my mid 20s, never had a boyfriend that lasted more than 3-4 dates, (and only had 3 of them!) and I got to my mid 20s and all 5 of my cousins, (4 female) were married, (all with kids after the first year or two.) Many of my friends were too.

I felt like there was something wrong with me, because no-one wanted to be with me/have me as their girlfriend. Then I met a man (my DH) in my mid 20s and got married after a couple of years, and quite honestly I love being married. I wouldn't want to ever be single again. We have been married over 30 years with 2 adult DC, and have had some bad times and good times, some average times and some amazing times. We have had a couple of times where we nearly broke up. It's been a wild ride! But for the past 10-12 years it's been great (as we've got older and don't really fight or argue now.)

Sorry, I know you didn't want the 'happily marrieds' on here, but I just want to say I GET how you feel and how lonely it feels and how you wonder wft is wrong with you? (Nothing by the way!!!) And the feeling of isolation and loneliness when you see other happy couples out together. As has been said though, things are not always what they seem, and whilst some couples present as happy, they are not necessarily having the best time! I have seen many a couple all over Facebook gushing over one another, and full of 'hunz,' and 'I wubz U,' and 'having the best life with this one!' And within 2 years they're divorced.

People who are very happy with their partner, and in love don't need to shout it all over Facebook. But you're right, whilst some couples are not as happy as they are presenting, some couples are pretty much happy most of the time. DH and I are. I would rather be in good/happy relationship than be single. But I would rather be single than in a shitty, toxic relationship.

You have children though @applejuiceisthebest so you were in a relationship once yes? What happened there?

People have given advice on how to get out more/join hobby groups etc, and try to make more friends and meet more people, but you say you've already done all that. It's hard to know what else to suggest sorry. I hope you meet your person soon.

With all due respect, and I’m genuinely not trying to be horrible here. You can’t possibly understand how OP feels. You met and married your husband in your mid TWENTIES and have been married for 30 years. You can’t possibly understand the difference between feeling lonely in your twenties to feeling lonely while watching your children getting ready to fly the nest. It is on a totally different level of loneliness and isolation.

he left me, I don’t think I’ve ever really got over it tbh, feel robbed of the life I could have had.

It sounds like you feel lonely for someone to understand you and your experience - totally valid and normal need. But it’s not necessarily going to be met in a romantic relationship or by living with your children or by joining hobby groups. Have you got any friendships where you can talk about you and how life feels for you? If not, could you try journalling or a few sessions of therapy?

I have single parent friends I don’t relate to them at all. Definitely a partner I miss, someone to share life with.

I agree @NapsAndSnacks! Those posts are like @zovare really crass in these situations.
‘look at me, I love being married, never want to be single again, I was single in my 20s then met the love of my life’ and but I understand . No You Do Not. Which is why you could even conceive of writing that post.

i don’t know i find it more crass when the happily single people come along to tell me how much they love being single and have never felt lonely and obviously i am not happy on my own if i don’t feel the same!

I've been single for most of my life, and I don't think there is a way to deal with the loneliness. Over the last year or so I have come to realise that I will probably never kiss anyone again, never hold hands again, and it's devastating. There is such pressure to do the whole "I love single life" thing, but I wish just occasionally someone would be friend enough to acknowledge how damn difficult it is to face everything on your own - every bill, every car problem, every social event, every family do.

I get it, OP. I really get it. Sometimes life doesn't turn out to have a happy ending. Be fully who you are. Give yourself huge credit for running your life without the support and help that most people have and take for granted. There will be days when it seems so unfair. Accept it, hold your head up, and go on.

How old are you OP?
Not that it matters because if you want something, you need to make a plan and go after it.

Join dating groups, walking groups, Church (if that floats your boat) sailing (RYA is predominantly male) golf club? Season ticket for the rugby? Or start to go on singles holidays.
Smile at men, be nice to them. Flirt a bit, they absolutely love it. Some woman was flirting with DH the other day in a bakery and it made his day, month and year 😁

Mr Right won't come Knocking on your door if he doesn't know that you are there. I'm a firm believer that there is someone for everyone.
You don't have to be the best looking or have the most fabulous sense of dress, you just need a bit of confidence.

There really isn't