So lonely

[applejuiceisthebest]

Is anyone else just so lonely? Every time I go out I see happy couples which gets me down, I know not everything is as it seems sometimes but there are plenty of genuinely happy couples, I’m so lonely and don’t see that ever happening for me again. How do you combat loneliness? Friends have their own lives / partners so that doesn’t help me, not aimed at people that are happy on their own, I’m genuinely glad some people are but I just can’t relate.

Another helpful post

there isn't someone for everyone. Saying there is is really, really upsetting.

OP. I feel you and totally empathise. I have nothing to offer as you have done all the things we are meant to do

sometime we just have to accept our lot. I k ow it's hard. I pretend I love the single life because I have to convince e myself.

Being single can be challenging. I have no useful advice, but want to acknowledge it can get lonely. I hope you meet your person and enjoy the life you desire 💐.

I’m where you are Maudie and it is devastating.Really relate to your points about doing life alone - A colleague had to pick me up from day surgery recently and I felt so sad and humiliated that I had no one.

Are you out there being proactive about dating op? Why do you think you’ll never meet anyone? There’s clearly stuff standing in your way of seeking male company is there anything you can do about that? I’ve kind of accepted I can’t really date for another year or so because I have no support with my teens. It does suck not having someone and I AM happy on my own. Doesn’t mean I don’t wish I had someone to share life with. I also have almost untenable standards so that doesn’t help either but I won’t accept shit again, I would rather be alone than that. Ho hum

Yes, that's a tough one. Well done for getting through it.

Thank you for emphasising this point.

As a similarly single lonely person, I have nothing but empathy to offer. I work mainly from home, no friends or family (other than my narcissistic elderly mom who can’t talk English and her personality has alienated all her friends). It’s pretty shameful but even my ‘next of kin’ are made up as I’m too embarrassed to say I have no one. I even have delayed some surgery as you’re told you need someone as home to help and there is no one.

I walked out of a 2 year relationship a while back due to emerging red flags and wonder if that was the last time I’ll ever be held, hugged, asked how my day was, told I’m beautiful or silly. I refuse to do OLD as I think that would just make me feel worse.

What’s also frustrating is how people on real life will never acknowledge the difficulties like even practical things around the house and garden or the anxiety
thats comes with big bills or trying to figure out car or home repairs and best way forward all alone. Those with partners (virtually ever acquaintance) will say things like ‘oh men are overrated anyway, wish I was single’. I hate that I will empathise and counsel them when they’re having partner issues but if I complain anything related to being single, it just falls on deaf ears or they’ll say something like ‘trust me I live in a house full of men and a DD and I also have to do the garden alone’ or some such. Urgh it’s like my feelings and struggles are never validated!

Hopefully, once I regain my strength and confidence back I can figure out a way forward though what that could possibly look like remains uncertain so I guess I’ll just follow along threads like this for any possible words of wisdom from single people who aren't happy alone ♥️

i have my children full time so dating isn’t an option

thanks to those that understand rather than telling me how great being single is

@applejuiceisthebest I also miss being in a relationship hugely. Im also a single parent here where im with my children 99% of the time however im lucky enough to have childcare so when i did date in the past, it was possible. My earlier post meant that having strong friendships really helps because otherwise it's so easy to feel despondent. I forced myself to nurture these friendships more.

You mention your ex, where is he and does he never see the children? They must go to school, could you do coffee dates? Do you try and get out there and meet people? Or are you just feeling depressed on the whole.

This sounds like the issue tbh. I know everyone says ‘therapy’, and it can help, but in any case I think it’s going to be hard with or without a partner until you lose that feeling of being robbed. And I know it’s not easy. But it is something you can do in a way that suits you alongside dating apps/singles nights/new clubs/whatever is accessible to you.

Locally fun running/fitness clubs seems to be the place a lot of people go to meet others.

Oh just saw that dating isn’t an option.

Online? Somewhere you can meet men with the kids? Kids clubs I mean? I’d still try and do something about the feeling robbed or that will get in the way of everything.

if they are ever at school/nursery then fitness does seem to be a thing locally at all times of day.

I understand, OP.

It's so disingenuous when people spout all that, isnt it? I'm happy being single most of the time, but I do miss having a partner at times and those tines make me really sad. I have a busy life, work full time in a demanding role, have lots of friends ranging from colleagues I have a laugh with to my solid, long standing and absolutely wonderful friends, supoirtive family. That doesn't stop me missing having someone.

Like you, I don't have the opportunity - my DC is my priority and most deserving of my free time, followed by family and friends. I wonder whether it's the lack of choice that makes me miss it more.

Some people are saying 95% of men on dating apps are unsuitable. If you immediately discount 19 out of 20 men based upon profile photos, etc, then you're clearly not going to have much success.

With regards to the OP, three cats is a lot... I doubt many men would wish to cohabit with that many cats. You're definitely placing yourself into a niche.

There really aren't lots of men out there. Not decent ones.

No he does not have contact with the children, I’ve thought about all the ways I could date but meeting men for coffee at lunch time is just not going to progress on to anything now is it let’s be honest

Thankfully I would never move a man into my house anyway

Thank you yes that is it, it feels like the choice has been taken away from me.

I wouldn’t personally meet men when I had my children with me.

God if only it were that easy. I’ve been married years but even when I was single, I was attractive, good job, plenty of cash, well rounded person with solid up bringing but fuck me it was impossible to meet nice men. I thought it was never going to happen.

I had a fulfilled life Monday-Friday, loads of work and socialising. Saturdays I’d go shopping and relax and my own company but the loneliness would get to me on Sundays.

I feel you OP, it’s not easy at all to find someone.

Solidarity op…

something that works for me a bit is a sort of meditation where I think of everything and everyone as atoms and how we are connected at that level… it’s a help in the evening… not so much when your car fails it’s mot and you have no one to come and get you…

I think also radical acceptance works a bit… ie really leaning into it and acknowledging how lonely you are and that’s it’s shit but it what it is, once I do this my brain sort of moves on to something else to think about…

Nice men are going to be hard to find as they're the ones who listen to any government campaigns about harassment etc, so they're not going to randomly chat you up.

Dating apps require both parties to make an effort, you can't just sit back and expect Mr. Perfect to come along and make all the effort, ask all the questions in the messages etc.

OP I’m married and have never been so lonely in my life. No intimacy or companionship although my husband thinks we are a power couple 🤯 you’re not alone in this.

I get it, OP. I’m a single parent too. And sometimes you don’t want advice, you just want to vent and that’s fine!

People with partners forget that singles don’t have that person on tap to just talk things through with or get something off their chest. So it’s important to have a place to do that, without judgement.

Sorry to hear this. Being in a relationship doesn’t automatically = happiness and fulfilment.

The next of kin thing resonates. To sign up to a weekly sailing course I have to give an emergency contact. I made one up.