Thank you all who have posted advice.
I am sorry for the drip feed now but I was very upset yesterday about the whole insisting my DM pay him rent/interest for the renovation, when he was the one who insisted I don't sell an asset to pay for it, but instead that we use his money - his whole theory is 'spend one salary, save one salary' and the savings in theory is both ours. I do understand its his redundancy pay money, the way he speaks about it now, and it is not a small amount but I did offer to 'pay' him the 300 he wanted from my mother every month.
Yes, I am strangely very protective of my DS, I do baby him a lot. As a teen it does annoy him and sometimes he finds it hilarious. Yes you are all right, that this 50/50 is rather moot, as an almost 16 yo, most of the time hes talking to his friends on the phone, or meeting up with them. I do worry a lot about him getting back on time,not staying out after dark. Yes he had mentioned last summer liking a girl his age in the local community and that she liked him back too.
The drip feed is in 2013 when I was in my early thirties, I went through a year of wanting to leave the marriage - because I was unhappy. And I felt an attraction to a colleague that I didnt act on , just stayed friends. But I explained how I felt almost immediately as soon as I knew I wanted out - to H, this magnificiently backfired - for a while he tried for the first time to be actually everything I had dreamed of - offering great holidays, not nagging about expenses, doing a lot around the house - but then he got angry and told me (he also called my DM , in laws etc) and said if I still wanted to leave him despite him making an effort to change, he would fight really dirty with kick ass lawyers (that he was willing to spend?) to make sure I would get my 3 year old every EOW only or even less.
He then took my son away for 10 days- turns out he went to his mum's and then he did send me short messages and pictures of my son showing my son having fun with his cousins having fun. But he also made it clear that would be my life not seeing my son most of the week, not being able to stop my son from climbing the monkey bars too high, not being there 24/7 to protect my son from scapes and falls (and what if that grand uncle of my Hs who H has spoken out about, was still hanging around his mum's ??? It didnt bear thinking about !!!!). H would never have kept a constant protective eye the way I did back then.
I completely backtracked and made nice and never spoke of leaving again. The accounts were joint accounts till 2016 but hes always been mean with the money that he insists is just being prudent and sensible.
Yes I know .....Im not one of the braving amazing women on here ......I am trying though