Suspicious of neighbours behaviour towards my DH

[Stace88]

The couple who lived next door to us when we moved in broke up a few months ago and the man has since moved out.

The woman who lives there rarely spoke with us before but since breaking up is always chatting to my DH when she sees him. I can be stood next to him and she doesn’t look at me and aims any conversation towards him. She also refers to him by his name but doesn’t ever say mine.

That alone isn’t what my post is for. In the last couple of weeks she has made comments to DH - she saw him get back from the gym and asked him if he’d be her personal trainer (note - DH isn’t in bad shape but is a once a week gym goer and certainly isn’t a PT!). DH politely replied and she said she hasn’t had any workouts since becoming single and added ‘if you know what I mean’ with a laugh - fairly obvious what she was insinuating.

Yesterday, I was out all afternoon for a friends’ baby shower so my car wasn’t on the drive. DH told me he was pottering in the garden when our neighbour called his name over the fence and asked if he could help her with moving something in her garden which was too heavy for her, DH said yes and she told him to go down the side gate.

When DH went round she was wearing a bikini and in his words had clearly not been doing any gardening. He moved a pot at her request and then she asked where I (“your missus”) was. DH said I was out for the afternoon and she then asked if he fancied having a drink with her in her garden. DH politely made his excuses and came home.

I trust DH completely but feel like our neighbour is starting to stray into CF territory and I worry what her intentions are. DH thinks I’m being silly. Do you see where I’m coming from?

I think your neighbour is in danger of embarrassing herself, and your DH, if he really is that dim.

Recommend her a good vibrator.

Edit, re-read.

yes, I’d keep my eye on that one OP.

I’m confused.

This woman:

1. Complimented him on his physique
2. Requested he work out with her
3. Insinuated she hadn’t had sex in a long time
4. Asked him over when she was in a bikini
5. Asked him to have drinks with her (in her bikini) while you were out.

And he thinks you’re “being silly” to think she’s chasing him?

I understand you trust him not to actually cheat but he’s absolutely aware of her intentions. I’m sure he’s a nice person and, as such, doesn’t want to insult/embarrass her but each time he doesn’t absolutely slam her down is embarrassing you. Allowing someone to believe he might cheat (even if that “allowing” is by just being passive) is unacceptable.

On the other hand, he is being sexually harassed by this woman. I think that he should pipe up next time with an “I’m sorry, I’m a happily married man and this is inappropriate and making me uncomfortable”. If he doesn’t feel comfort saying that, discuss why, but the answer is not that you’re being silly.

It's pretty obvious what her intentions are, I don't know why your DH is claiming to be so naive.

I'd be feeling sorry for the poor cow, embarrassing herself.

She'll give up when she realises she's making an arse of herself.

YANBU at all—you’re not being silly, you’re being perceptive. There’s a clear pattern here: ignoring you, flirting with your DH, conveniently appearing in a bikini to move one pot? That’s not gardening, it’s a rom-com audition.
You’re right to trust your husband, but it’s also fair to feel uncomfortable when someone is disrespecting your presence in your own space. A polite boundary—maybe you joining the next over-the-fence convo or DH being a bit cooler in his responses—wouldn’t go amiss. You don’t need drama, but you also don’t need to play dumb to her not-so-subtle games.

She is on the hunt and has spied her prey.

Yep!

Do you have her phone number/email address? Maybe start sending her recommendations for some local estate agents, hopefully she’ll take the hint!

Yep...she's after him it sounds

DH isn’t the type to bluntly (or even softly) tell her to stop it..it will have to be me if this continues I think.

I’d also be suspicious as to why your DH is minimising it.

Is your husband the type to be flattered by (her crap) sexual innuendo OP?

Sounds like she's been learning to flirt by watching re-runs of 70s sitcoms...firstly moving a pot in the garden, next it'll be because her washing machine won't empty the water & she thinks she might need a pump. Be vigilant.

My temper could not handle this

Personally, I’d go round and ask her to back off. I’d tell her your husband was mortified over the bikini incident and that he told you he was cringing. This should hopefully mortify her enough that she stops, avoids you both and maybe moves. Tell her she’s embarrassing herself and to go out and find herself a boyfriend because your husband isn’t available.

Visions of Barbara Windsor.

Having said that, although it’s right to trust him, by wary of his dismissive attitude. I’m sorry to say but this could be a prelude to him doing something stupid. This may not necessarily be cheating but putting himself in the position to accept all her BS simply because he’s getting a kick from the flattery.

Exactly.

No it most definitely has to be him. He’s a grown up

He says he isn’t, but I take that with a pinch of salt.

Same here.

I would pop round, politely ask her how she’s doing and then I would say actually there was a reason I popped round and it’s because whilst DH wouldn’t dream of saying this to your face, especially given that you must be feeling very vulnerable at the moment etc etc, but your advances are really starting to make him feel very uncomfortable and being the good guy that he is he didn’t want you getting the wrong idea, so he has asked me to pop round and have a chat. Then wish her well with a meaningful look and leave.

Hmm, let’s hope he shows you some respect and is as dismissive of her as she was of you.

I think your going to have to be blunt with her and make it clear your know what she's doing and to back off. She sounds shameless.

It needs to be him to speak to her. Anything OP says will be taken one of two ways:

1. ”ooohhh, she’s worried, I’m having an impact and I’m close, if I keep plugging away then I’ll get him”
2. ”I’m embarrassed, she embarrassed me and I am going to embarrass her back. I will lie, manipulate and scheme to destroy her marriage”.

She’s not some shy wallflower - this was only escalate unless he stops it.