Does gender matter to you in an age gap relationship?

[NewTiger]

I feel lot of people don't care if it's a 19 year old boy for example dating a 40 year old woman but lot of people care if it was a girl with a man.

I would feel the same for my boy or girl, but for boy especially because of how ignored they are, and how immature they are. Yes they can't get pregnant but there's power imbalance still.

I consider it an inappropriate power balance whatever the sexes involved.

I was in an age gap relationship, massive power imbalance and he was abusive. He was my boss when it started. Nobody batted an eyelid there than to congratulate him on "pulling" a teenager.

A guy I went to school with was 20, got together with a 30yo woman and everyone talked about her like she was a pervert and him like he was some sexual god.

My ds is gay an in an age gap relationship, I'm told it's very normal in gay relationships and nobody cares at all.

Make it make sense misogyny

Those are very different experiences from what we see on mumsnet, Internet and and in real life.

Well not really different from real life considering this was/is my real life.

I can think of a lot of age gap couples in the public eye where they don't get much, if any hate at all.

MN in general is very anti age gap relationships though.

It's weird, I always see guys hated for it, but women get away with it.

I don't agree with your premise, this is not my experience of MN and the internet. A boy of 19 with a woman of 40 will also get slayed online.
Maybe you mean a man of 30 with a 50 year old woman? that's different because he's old enough than a new adult. In some countries and states he's not even an adult yet!

Maybe because that what you're looking for, confirmation bias makes you remember and look out for the data that support your point of view. We all make this mistake.

I think most people would be uneasy about a 19yo boy with a 40 yo woman. The power imbalance with such an age gap at such ages is huge whichever genders are involved. As a PP said, 30/50 or 40/60 is a bit different because the younger partner has had a chance to acquire some life experience though the cross-generation nature of it may still being challenges.

Can you be more specific with what women get away with it? I cannot think of one relationship where that is the case. Even Sarah Paulson and Holland Taylor seem to get regular articles focused on their age gap.

No, I see threads here, reddit, everywhere, and lot of people are ok with it. Even in real life, people don't care. Then if it's a 40yo man with a girl, everyone goes apeshit.

Look at any thread on mumsnet where the man is older with a 18 to 20 year old and you'll see.

People don't mind older woman with teens for example, people just be like "oh live and let live, or she's weird" but nothing hateful like the older man gets.

We live in a patriarchal society, so there is definitely a power difference between men and women. There is also a power difference between young and older.

With young women/older man, society accepts it (patriarchy at work) but the power skews heavily towards the older man on both counts, so individuals often judge it. I certainly do.

With young man/older woman, society pillories her but the power is split more because she has some, being older and he has some, being male.

You should look at the abuse that Aaron Taylor-Johnson’s wife gets online - she is 27 years older than him

mowt Mumsnet threads I read with the older man having a young girlfriend does not read the same way you are reading them

How common are 40 year old women and 19 year old relationships? It’s a bit ick either way I would have thought

That's wrong, the younger guy has no power with an older woman, that's just ridiculous, unless you are talking about strength which makes no sense because then all relationships are wrong because men are stronger.

You also contradicted yourself with the older man x young women, most people will judge it harshly just because he is a MAN, not because of power difference, it's just because he is a man, there is prejudice attached to him.

Girls are more mature and develop faster mentally than boys, yet the older man is hated, and woman is not.

It might be due to a patriarchal society, but sexism and bias towards men is huge here.

His wife barely got any abuse and groomed him.

You must have ignored lot of the threads then.

Very common, that's what I am saying it's a bit ick if it's a 40yo woman, he is a disgusting pervert if its an 40 yo man.

The older woman is almost never pillored too. I never seen many people call her predator, pervert etc.

Why are male, gay age gap relationships seen as normal? Surely it's wrong for an older man to seek a much younger partner man or woman? Thinking Tom Daley and his partner who is at least 20 years older than Tom.

Yes that's very weird too but the older man is still hated.

Why are you just focused on the man though?

How do you mean, focused on the man? I'm focused on men in male gay relationships where it is viewed as entirely normal to a have huge age gap. It's not viewed as normal in any heterosexual relationship.

It's not viewed normal, lot of people hate on the older man just like if he was with a girl.

I am saying, older lesbian women date much younger girls too, yet never receive hate compared to gay men. Same as when they date young boys.

I agree with this poster who is saying that you haven't read the age gap threads in full.

I had cause to search and read a lot of them recently due to a family situation, and found yhe responses to be split.

Yes, lots of people accused yhe older man of being a predator or yhe relationship as being problematic.

However, there were also a lot of people who stated that as long as both parties are 18+ then it was nobody else's business (which would then also apply to older woman/younger man).

Then there were quite a number of MNers who came back with "I met DH when I was 18 and he was 35 and we've been together for 25 years, it's not weird".

I went essentially looking for confirmation that other people find it inappropriate, and I didn't find it to be as strong as I was expecting.

So perhaps OP it's you that's not read enough previous threads in enough detail?

And FWIW, I think that any age gap relationship where the younger partner has minimal life experience (so under 25/30 maybe) is questionable.

Teenagers and older adults just isn't right, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.