Age gap relationship

[Mumoftwojune]

Would you date a man 18 years your senior?
I am 39, he is 57.

Probably not but depends on your circumstances

If you fall in love with him, and it becomes serious, the gap will of course affect you hugely - you’ll be his carer in your mid sixties when he’s getting into his eighties. But on the other hand, you may find love, companionship and happiness… it depends if you feel like waiting, and meeting more men in hope of finding someone closer to your age. Are you very lonely?

No. When hes 70 you'll only be 52 and you will be with an old man. It might not be bad now but later down the line will be very noticable.

Yes, I have this same age gap. In theory it’s too much, I know he’ll be an old man when I’m still in late middle age, but it’s not like I can just switch him out for another younger model. I love him, I want to be in a relationship with him and nobody else, so I’ll deal with everything that comes with it.

I used to be that older man - similar gap to yours in my 50s. It became an issue when she thought about me becoming incapable before leaving her alone for the last 25 years of her life. So think about that now rather than later.

Not intentionally but got to know someone with a bigger age gap than that. Married with 2 children..... life is what it is!!

l couldnt but you can’t help who you fall in love with.

Speaking as an over-60, I can hardly believe the difference between me 18 years ago and me now.

Obviously, age happens. But I’ve always been fit and active. I feel now as if I’m wearing lead-weighted boots when I try to climb a hill! And everything takes much longer because I work so slowly. I would drive 18-years-younger me mad, if we were in harness together.

No. I have a job already, why would I want to be a home nurse after retirement.

Not a chance - I’m no old man’s nursemaid.

If I was single (I’m in a LTR), yes. Purely as I’ve never tried dating an older guy before. But based on my friends experiences with guys 15+ years older (I have friends of all ages) , it rarely works out long term. After the initial fun dating and sex phase has worn off, most either found it hard to find stuff in common, realised the guy was having a mid life crisis (if it was a younger Middle aged guy), or in your case if he was fifty plus ended up feeling old before their time/ the guy expected to be looked after/ cooked for and didn’t want to go out much.

im 30 but no way id go past 42/43, and even then I wouldn’t expect it to last. I realise you’re a bit older but my same thoughts still stand.

why is your guy still single at his age?

These threads always go the same way on Mumsnet.
im happily married with an 18 yr age gap. He’s just an amazing husband and father to our children.

What if it were a same sex relationship? Do you think that would make a difference?

I would feel the same. I think when the initial phase wore off you’d find it hard to find stuff in common.

I’ve got a 14 year age gap and no issues. My PIL had a 21 year age gap. They met when she was 26 and he was 47. They had 8 kids!

18 is too much. Especially if you have not been married before. Would you still like to have children? 10 yrs is fine 13 is the outer limit and I have an age gap relationship in this range. It will make you old before your time.

Nooooo! I don’t want to be a nurse with a purse. Working and supporting him in his retirement, then nursing him in his old age.

these men that go after younger women certainly know what they are doing. They get a young, hot woman, steal her best years then turn them into a free nurse. Not for me.

Personally i wouldn't especially if you want children in the future
But you can't help who you fall in love with the parents of my dd and ds friends have a huge age gap she is late 40s very early 50s and he's 83 they seem very happy and thankfully he seems quite fit and healthy unlike my dm who is only 2 years older than him

My dad did this in his 40s. Met a woman who he married and had kids with later on, but she was 16 years his junior. Ones dad started to loose his health, diabetes etc, she found another man while placing my dad into a care facility. He knew what was going on and the last years of his life were really sad in the manner how she treated him. Not everyone will be the same I get that, but in my opinion that is too big an age difference.

Big age gaps rarely work, occasionally but rarely, and there's a reason for this. You know what it is, you don't really need us to explain it to you.

Thanks all, seems very 50/50 on opinions.
i have 2 kids already and wouldn’t want anymore so thats not an issue.
I think it’s correct that for 10 years it might be good and then after that things would start to slide. It does worry me but on the other side of things, I like that his kids are grown up, he is stable and secure, brings no baggage or drama. Most blokes my own age would bring all of those things

OP - why would you do it? You are young and there are plenty of men closer to you age that you can date. You are going to be young for a while still, while he will start aging rather quickly very soon.

If you met when you were in your 20s - and had many years of active life together, raised a family, etc - then maybe it'd have been worth it that you'd become his carerer. But you didn't get those years - you'll have a few OKish years with him, and he'll start slowing down. While you'll still want to live a full life.

I would go for it if you want some fun but I wouldn’t be expecting it to last and would be keeping the kids well away.

I would also wonder why someone handsome, kind, with no ties that age is still single. Where did you meet him?

We have 27 years age gap. He's the best person I've ever met and everything I could ever wish for in a partner. We have so many shared interests we never run out of things to talk about. If it works it works.

How long have you been together? What are your ages?