Age gap relationship

[Mumoftwojune]

Would you date a man 18 years your senior?
I am 39, he is 57.

It sounds like you are saying he suits your current phase of life.

Depends on whether you love each other and your attitudes towards all those relationship things like finances and chores. And that’s more about individual attitudes than age.

Yes, you might end up as a carer, but you might not. And it’ll be easier doing it at a younger age than as an older woman when you’re much less fit yourself. I can think of numerous couples where they’re aged within five years of each other, he has dementia, other health problems etc so there is a woman in her late 70s or 80s being a carer. It’s almost always the woman left behind without a partner to care for her - most residents of care homes are female - even if you were of similar ages.

I’m in a similar age gap relationship and it’s very positive and enriching with a great quality of life. Being at different career stages means we’re not both juggling the same pressures at work. He’s been able to take early retirement and does all the housework and childcare so I can concentrate on my career. So we don’t have the same pressures that are on other couples like that. That means we get more and better quality family time.

Mumsnet is so weird about age gaps. OP, if you like him, you like him. It’s fine.

No!

Why would you do that to yourself? do you want to be a nurse & a maid for a soon to be pensioner?

if you have/want kids you also should not be given them a much older father who is going to struggle to keep up with them.

I did. Married nearly 20 years now. No power imbalance whatsoever like Mumsnet likes to think there always is

No, the gap would be too wide, more of a generation.

What would you do when he retires or is he a bit of a sugar daddy?

I’m 30 and my OH is 44, been together 5 years now one DD and TTC no 2. We are happier than ever no power imbalance or any issues, you can’t help who you fall in love with

Why is it always older man younger woman 🙄.

Then there are often the posters who are married to Greek gods who despite being 68 do not age and go hill running etc and are physically 32. Apparently.

Not always the case, when I met my wife I was 31 and she was 47, we are now 63 and 79.

I wouldn't, no way. But some people would and be happy

It’s too much plus he would retire much earlier than you so how would that work out? By the time you could retire even if early at say 57 which will soon be the youngest age you can take your own works pension as rising from 55 he would be 75. I can assure you though people can be fit stuff is more likely to go wrong and it takes longer to recover, I could hike 20 miles at your age, now I’m comfortable doing 10 miles hiking max at 59. This is actual hiking in the Peak District not meandering along on the flat.

The gap is far less noticeable now but in a decade it will be very noticeable.

Personally no, I wouldn't. But I'm mid 50's so that would mean dating someone in their 70's. It's probably different if you've met younger and grown older together.
This is the age gap between my Dad and his 2nd wife and they seem happy enough.

I wouldn't because I've been alone and lonely for a long time now, so I wouldn't want a relationship where (on average) it's likely I'll be alone again after they're gone.

”Age is just a number” is broadly true in middle age but it rarely stays true when one partner is still middle aged and the other is elderly. I wouldn’t, because I’ve watched it and it has never worked out especially well.

My dad and his second wife also have this gap. They had a very happy 40 years together (ignoring his dc completely and acting like a childfree couple) but she's now nursing him through a terminal illness at 80, and is looking at a few more decades of life without him.

Hell no. I've watching it play out over the last 10 years with three wonderful women who lost their post-children years to being the carer of a much older husband. It's all fun and games until he reaches old age an she's still in h3r prime.

Even a friend whose husband is relatively healthy is driven crazy by how old in mindset her husband has become - he doesn't want to go out much, no curiosity about the world.

It’s too much plus he would retire much earlier than you so how would that work out?

My husband is older, although the gap isn’t as wide as the OP’s. I intend to retire at 50. We planned ahead to make this possible.

He will age you. Older men are hard work- lots of baggage, resentment towards women. Nothing wrong with that if you want to put yourself on an altar of relationship as a sacrifice.

I personally would not get involved with a man who is 10 years plus older than me.
I think that your at different life stages and as he gets older it will be more noticeable.
I often think these men get involved with a woman years younger because a woman close to their age can spot the red flags that some of these men have.

I have a friend in her early 60's and her husband is 10 years older than her. She had her last child in her 40's and had 3 older kids then. She is working in a job that she does not like to put her last child through college. Her husband is now in his early 70's and he just wants to stay at home. Her older kid's all live away from home.
I can see her retirement being hard because of this.

I know a lady who married a man about 13 - 15 years older than her and they had 2 kid's. She stayed working full time. Not long after she retired her husband's health declined. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and she ended up caring for him for several years. She had signs of not been well but put it down to being tired, moving him ect. She was diagnosed with a certain condition and has been in and out of hospital and appointments. She is now in poor health and can't do the things she planned like going abroad to see one of her adult kid's and grandkids.

I think that eventually an age gap will become more apparent and you will still be a young woman wanting to go places and do things and he won't want the same.
Then some men won't look after themselves regarding say there weight or ignore health issues. Eventually doing this leads to more problems and their younger partner ends up nursing them.

Why sign-up to being a nurse when your still a young woman and watch your friends retiring early or travelling ect when you doing 24/7 care?

14yr age gap here op. 14yrs together.
No, I won't leave him when he starts getting doddery or incontinent same as I wouldn't leave him if he had a car crash and became disabled.
Anything can happen to ANYONE at anytime.
Hope this helps

Even a friend whose husband is relatively healthy is driven crazy by how old in mindset her husband has become - he doesn't want to go out much, no curiosity about the world

There are young people with this mindset.

My husband is older and currently planning a camping 4x4 road trip across the Australian outback.

😂 I don't know what older men you know but this is bs

This isn’t my experience (first hand).

Are you one of them?