Am I in the wrong?

[TheCheeryGoose]

Hi everyone,

I just want to know if anyone can see both sides of this story from an unbiased stand point.

So this week I went to a concert in Manchester with a friend, my boyfriend doesn’t really like me spending one on one time with quite a few of my friends as he thinks they’re a bad influence on me and that I’m someone who just goes with the flow.

(side note: I don’t go on nights out anymore, I don’t drink anymore and I have never taken drugs in my life. He didn’t like when we met and I was going on nights out, I respected that and stopped them)

initially going to this concert was three of us, someone dropped out and I was afraid to tell him that there were now only two of us going. So I didn’t tell him. I’d paid a lot of money to go. I went and watched the show, didn’t go out afterwards and went back to the hotel. Our communication was great while I was there and everything seemed fine, we were messaging about dinner plans. He then called me when I got home and asked me why I’d lied about going just the two of us. I apologised and explained that I was afraid to tell him and to cause an argument when we’d been getting along so well. I was trying to explain that I didn’t feel trusted and that I’ve pulled back on going out with friends through not upsetting him, to which he responds, “if you want to live that life that’s fine, but that’s not for me” he made comments about my outfit to go in the first place which by the way was very reserved and when my friends do make plans that involve trips, I pull back because I know me going will cause big problems.

I know I was wrong for lying about it and I apologised a million times while still trying to explain why I did it. I get it because if the shoe was on the other foot, I’d also feel betrayed. One minute he’s understanding, the next minute he’s angry. Says he needs some time to come to terms with it.

am I wrong for feeling upset and what do I do next?

He's controlling, he has no right to tell you who you can and can't see
Dump him

Your boyfriend is a controlling twat. You just went to a concert and then straight back to your hotel. You have massively curtailed your social life and pretty much cut off friendships to accommodate his jealousy but it still isn't enough.

You should end the relationship.

Leave him. You deserve better.

Please for the love of everything, dump him.

He's trained you how to behave.

This isn't normal at all!

couldn't have put it better myself

OP, as soon as you met him, you changed yourself to suit him and dropped your friends. This is a very controlling man.

He cannot tell you what to do, what to wear, who you have nights out with.

This sort of abuse always gets worse, until he cuts you off from everyone and are too scared to move.

Maybe you should have told him there were only 2 going not 3, however the fact that you didn't because you knew he would get angry, says it all.

This is not a healthy relationship. Leave him and find somebody who accepts you for who you are.

Reach out to your friends for support and tell them what happened.

It'll get worse, it always gets worse. Please don't breed with him, you will regret it.

Tell him from now on he doesn't get a say in what you wear, which friends you see or go out with. When he says it's not for them, tell him that's fine then and wish him well.

Then you'll see what kind of person he's going to be in your future before you waste any more time on him.

I'm old though, you're going to waste so much time on this inferior bloke until you click on. Been there.

My ex was like this. Did not want me to go out or even have friends. He controlled everything about my life. He was abusive in every category. Imo you need to end the relationship plus further abuse will creep in. It usually does.

You are in an abusive relationship, OP. Things will only get worse,soon you won't be allowed to go out without him; you won't be allowed to contact your friends.

You need to get this piece of shit out of your life, for good. Once you have told him, you need to block him on everything.

This is batshit crazy OP. Your BF is scarily controlling, he should trust you whether you’re out on your own, in a 2, 3 or 10! You should be free to live your life without fear of reprisals. Ditch him and have fun finding someone that respects and accepts you for who you are

You bin him and run for the hills; he is exercising coercive control over you and you are losing your social circle and any sense of yourself for fear of upsetting the apple cart. Big red flag and you will be better off without him in your life

OP, I’ll admit I didn’t read til the end of the post.
even from the first few lines, it was clear that your bf is controlling and has toxic behaviours (don’t want to label him as toxic when I don’t know him.)
please speak to someone trusted in your life to see if they think his behaviour is normal. Keep safe

HUGE red flag there , he’s controlling or trying to at least . I’d bin him off before you get any deeper . Be careful

You are not in the wrong. Please get out of this before your world gets smaller and smaller. It will get worse. He was always going to be difficult about this after the fact, even if he hadn’t found a tiny chink in your story. Good luck and all strength to you x

This is controlling coercive behaviour, and the thin end of the wedge. I would get out of this relationship asap. It will only escalate, the more you tolerate it.

This

Needs some time to come to terms with it, oh purleeeze….!
There are many red flags here OP; he chooses your friends, monitors your outfits, you are afraid of him, he switches from nice to nasty in a matter of seconds. Need I go on….

a good piece of advice I’ve seen offered on here before, is read your OP again, but through the lens that it’s written by a close friend or relative of yours. What would your advice to them be?

finish with him now before it gets worse
Because it will get worse and you deserve so much better

Wow. You want to live like this? Get out of this controlling relationship as this is not normal.

I was in your situation and it was terrifying. It was a long time ago but I haven’t forgotten that feeling of constant dread, walking on eggshells round his fragile ego, scared that one of my friends would say something to set him off, not going out with friends because he’d lose his shit… the list goes on and on. When I left, the feeling of relief was enormous. Please finish with this man, you will never make him happy, no one can.

He's not a boyfriend or any sort of friend really, he's a controlling, manipulative person who will stop at nothing until he has stripped you of every last shred of self esteem and has you living like a hermit, afraid to leave the house.
Imagine this was a daughter of yours writing this, what would you say to her?🤔

He’s a walking red flag.

Run a mile.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Edit to say the red flags are for him, not you! Hope you're OK.

🚩
You are under his control so you need to make changes.

You ask what you do next? You leave him. It's so clear. I haven't read any of the other posts yet, but I'm betting they'll be saying the same thing. Run!

Yep, this. 100%