Thai massage stag do trip

[Seekingsue]

Hello all
so my OH just retuned from a Portuguese stag do weekend . I was worried in the usual sense - too much booze sun etc but he is a very trustworthy man ( I hope I think ) However 10 mins of his return back to uk he told me how after a 10 hour day drinking sesh he ended up having a Thai massage ( legs only in his boxer shorts ) I was abit taken aback really as think massage parlour happy ending etc . I didn’t really push anymore details but then spent ages with wild thoughts In my head - why was he so quick to say it ? Maybe scared I’d hear he went somewhere like that from someone else ? Why go drunk when I know he can’t remember what he does sometimes in that state ? Plus he looked a wee but sheepish .
i don’t want this to be a huge issue ( he goes away loads on lads trips and I’ve worked so hard on my anxiety / insecurity and trust issue from past ) but also don’t want this to eat away at me
any similar experiences or what I could do - I don’t want any details pics of the weekend as don’t want to feel like the noisy partner
x

Trust your gut , you know your man

It’s the idea he went 10 hours of stag do level drinking into his day, to a massage place and just had his legs massaged. In his boxer shorts. Nothing else was massaged. No neck, back shoulders feet, nothing. He just took his kegs off and had his legs massaged. 🤣

Yeah, I’m not buying it.

He’s creating a cover story for when it comes out some of them did something they know they absolutely should not have been “I already told you I had a LEG massage” because he knows if this comes out at the next meet up or on the grapevine and that’s the first your hearing of ‘Thai massage’ you’ll likely be very wtf is that about?? He’s softening the impact.

What if the masseur name was Dave

Ask him what kind of massage it was . Calmly. Watch his response

So when you say your whole family, what do you mean? Your mum, dad, aunty, sister? That ain't the same ball park as being on a stag do is it? Secondly did this whole family of yours suddenly decide to go for a massage late at night and after a ten hour solid drinking session? If the OP's husband had been for a massage, sober and with his middle aged mum and aunty Gladys then she wouldn't have started a fucking thread about it would she. Your experience bears no relation to the discussion so stop being daft.

He got in there early because he knew you were going to meet up socially with some of the other stags and partners at the weekend and he wanted to lay the groundwork in case anything came out.

I've never had a massage, of any variety, that has involved someone rubbing just my legs, after a ten hour drinking session. It's really unlikely that is what happened, but what you decide to do about it/feel about it is up to you.

It’s not a generic term for that type of massage, evidenced by the fact he wasn’t dressed appropriately for Thai massage.

Your experience, or family trip out, which quite frankly sounds nothing like a stag do, is not really comparable is it? Or did you also go on a 10 hour bender before hand ?

Lots of allegedly legit places (including well-known health clubs) offer "extra" on their massages. Just look at UK punting. It's grim reading.

I caught my ex-p out. He tried to convince me it was all ok and above board. If they are advertising on viva-street or adult works, it's not.

My ex had a bunch of numbers written down. I messaged them as a client. All were prepared to offer "extras" for a fee.

Mulling over this still . He’s been away with work so I’m really torn as to leave it as hate drama or confront him ( not sure in what way )
there’s still a few red flags leaving me questioning the innocence. I have a history of being insecure which I’ve worked hard on but it has nearly jeopardised us before !
red flags are
a) I know him after 3 hours drinking - they go hard and he’s usually a state so how did he pull himself together after all day sesh to walk into the place ( either legit or not kinda place )
b) said he went whilst his mate he was sharing with went back to room to get a shower ( This mate obviously knows innocent or not , I know his wife but she’s unlikely to know anything )
c) him and same mate both got taxi back from airport next day , for some reason they both came back to ours ( briefly ) looked sheepish ( could be hangover ) and OH drive him home ? Odd why uber didn’t drop him on route ( again maybe overthinking details now )
d) the way in which he immediately needed me after coming back in from dropping mate ?
Im accusing myself of over thinking the little details
I do trust him he goes away a lot / golf holidays abroad etc so I have to but this all seems out of character
I’m really hoping the massage was totally innocent in place he has said , and that he’s told me in case I hear from someone this weekend ?

Part of me just thinks leave the topic alone with him ( I didn’t really push for details at or or question it ) clearly he saw my brain ticking ) and just wait for the weekend when we are all out - check his reaction around any other hubbies / wives that was there ?

Honestly I had one glass of wine and a massage and never felt so ill. If he was pissed there is no way he would have had a flipping vigorous Thai massage.

Im pretty cynical about men travelling alone overseas as I’m 50 and have seen too much.

An ex in HK had a friendship group of “nice” middle class professional men who had an annual golfing trip. Only they actually went to a brothel. None of the wives had a clue. To be fair my ex was friends with the wives and didn’t go so he got to hear the lying phone calls and wives fretting about their dhs getting sunburn on the golf course 🙄

Sorry you’ve been left feeling shit. Sounds like you’re really trusting. This won’t be helping your anxiety will it? I must admit, it doesn’t sound good. For him to mention it of the bat like that feels like he’s trying to offload. I’d ask him about it with genuine curiosity. It could be that the boys were all hoping for more but just got a massage or the alternative. Who knows. I’d be pissed off. Hope you’re ok and get some answers. If the shoe was on the other foot imagine what he’d say.x

I also know of the ones that go to brothels on the annual golf trip - one wife apparently knows 🤔
I went to Benidorm with girls April as a non drinker am fully aware of what’s going on around me was shocked at the amount of men on streets offering us massage and happy endings ! I was kinda smug that what’s good for the guys could also be both ways ( but shocked - and does make me feel ick )

Since quitting booze my anxiety has really eased about lads trips away etc
stag do abroad are always more unnerving though I think for some reason
but cheats do it anywhere and everywhere I guess
I really do not think he would - but I also think he is scared I’ll hear it grapevine
I fear pushing more details as he will think oh her she is again

In my old office the majority of senior men were decent family men and did all they could to avoid overseas travel they sent us junior lawyers. The small minority of senior men that frequently traveled were all serial shaggers.

It 100% wasn’t innocent, OP.

You just need to decide what you do with that.

im sorry you’re going through this

The ‘needing you’ as soon as they got back could be nothing or it could be

1. he visited a massage parlour with intent for the extras but due to the level of drinking couldn’t perform so had excess sexual energy fuelled by touching being touched by some other woman.
2. an attempt to throw you off the scent. He wants you to be thinking “he missed me so much and couldn’t wait to shag me therefore nothing weird happened whilst away”

the first sign I had once that a partner had been gluttonously using porn whilst I was away was their high sexual energy when I got home. There was something about it totally off, I later found the evidence of the porn spree (it really was obsessive/addictive levels of use whilst I was away).

Most guys, if they are still standing upright after an all-day drinking session, are looking for a kebab or pie and chips. Not a "leg massage". And no respectable and legitimate place would be willing to massage a drunk individual.

Sorry, OP. This is suspicious as fuck.

I honestly don’t know how to approach this tonight when he’s back without coming across as accusing him
wish I’d pressed more details at time like how the fuck did you even stagger in there after all the shots etc you had during the full day session
think I was just surprised as he’s never confessed to anything like that before ?

Ask him to describe the massage to you. Most first timers to a Thai massage can be surprised by it as it's quite different to a regular massage. I'm a therapist btw and when I speak to clients after their first Thai massage; they're able to recount it in some detail.
Things I ask my clients are:-
What was the pressure like?
Which stretches were done?
How long was the treatment for?
Was it on a massage table or on a mat?
Clients are able to answer these questions very clearly and with no vagueness.

I hope its not OP but unfortunately this does sound like someone getting their side of the story in before you hear about it from someone else…

I know people are all saying "it's just a massage" and a Thai massage is a form of massage. However who spends 10 hours drink then thinks "ooo my backs been a bit achy, I'll go get a massage on my legs, wearing my boxers?".

I would leave it when he gets home. He’s not going to admit anything and there really might not be anything to admit.

You could instead bring it up when you see his friends. ‘Was anyone else stupid enough to get a massage when drunk? You must have felt terrible after.’ Watch for his reaction and the reaction of his friends/ wives. It’s hard to keep something untoward a secret on a lads trip and if some off the men have behaved themselves they often tell their wives to show off how they didn’t partake. So if anything happened it’s possible that one of them will know.

See how it lands and if you still feel off about it then raise it after the meet up by highlighting the reaction of others.

He’s covering his arse in case either you see a payment or you hear about it from another wife or girlfriend.

Yes Thai massage is legitimate but you don’t get that type of massage at night as pissed up walk-in. I live near Vilamoura and it’s been a real eye-opener seeing the number of prostitutes, “gentlemen’s clubs” and Thai and Brazilian massage places servicing the golfers. It’s really depressing as I wouldn’t have thought anything of groups of men going to such well know golfing centre on a golf trip. Presumably not all the men on these things avail themselves of this but loads clearly must.

I know a sports masseuse here. She only works by day and by appointment. She doesn’t pay a sky high rent to be visible to passing trade in the bar zone 🙄

He was drunk? How will he remember all these details….Ultimately if anything untoward happened he’s not going to confess. He’s set the lie and that’s that.