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Original poster

I’ve made the mistake of giving in too soon

121 replies

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 15/06/2025 20:12

I went on a second date with a guy from my gym. We’ve seen each other a few times at the gym but nothing came of it till we matched on a dating app. We got to talking. Super respectful, booked dates promptly. Asked me out and followed through. I made the biggest mistake of going back to his after a few drinks and did the deed a few times. I would NEVER do this. But I have been celibate for a while. Just wanted to have sex when it was right and it all just felt right and I got swept up in the moment.

I had a great night. I really did. But I just don’t know if now that I’ve done it he’s lost all respect for me because he brought up the sex mid convo today. So I snapped and said “If you wanna see me and get to know me that’s absolutely fine and if sex happens again, fine. But absolutely no way am I being picked and dropped for sex. If that’s not something you’re interested in then fair enough you just gotta to say the words and I’ll respect that x“

It annoyed me because he was super gentlemanly and booking things and seemed keen to be respectful but that one comment he made about the sex and it being a fun night just made me think here we go again.

Idk what to do. I feel so sad and anxious and like I’ve lost all self respect. It just felt good at the time. I can’t help but think if I didn’t do it then maybe he may have been different with me. Help.

OP posts:
FrodoBiggins · 15/06/2025 21:33

Did you want him to pretend that you didn't have sex? Your reaction was OTT and it seems like you're ashamed of having sex which at the time you wanted and enjoyed. You're being very intense now after two dates (and a shag), don't hold your breath for a third.

Icanttakethisanymore · 15/06/2025 21:33

Jeez. Calm down. Your language around sex is odd- your title said you ‘gave in’ but the post doesn’t sound like that. Sex isn’t a weapon.

if you like him, see him again, if you don’t, don’t.

FrodoBiggins · 15/06/2025 21:36

Supersimkin7 · 15/06/2025 20:55

I agree with you OP. Dinner’s an appealing prospect, but sex being expected is boring & dismal.

Why did you lose self-respect? That bit I don’t get.

Someone saying that a night of sex was "fun" and some sort of comment that they wanted to do it again (OP keeps changing what he said) is "boring and dismal"? If I had sex willingly with a man I fancied and he told me he had enjoyed it and wanted to do it again, that is at least as nice as going for a meal imo!

YRGAM · 15/06/2025 21:37

Sex is not something women 'give' to men, it's (or it should be) a mutually enjoyable activity that happens when both people want it to happen. Framing sex like some sort of gift or favour doesn't help anybody

Omeara · 15/06/2025 21:38

What did he actually say? Could he not just have meant he enjoyed it and would like to repeat it?

MaryGreenhill · 15/06/2025 21:43

Honestly, what did you expect him to think ? You had a great night , you both had fun , he made a remark you didn't like and hearing that remark made you feel awful about yourself and you savaged him . The poor bloke probably doesn't know whether he's coming or going. .

Original poster
ThePerkyCoralPoet · 15/06/2025 21:43

Omeara · 15/06/2025 21:38

What did he actually say? Could he not just have meant he enjoyed it and would like to repeat it?

Alright I didn’t wanna put the exact words because it’s embarrassing and makes me realise I’m just a fuck for him now. He said “Just need to learn how to take my dick a few more practices and you might get worn in xx”

classic comment from a man who wants no strings and is an idiot.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePerkyCoralPoet · 15/06/2025 21:44

MaryGreenhill · 15/06/2025 21:43

Honestly, what did you expect him to think ? You had a great night , you both had fun , he made a remark you didn't like and hearing that remark made you feel awful about yourself and you savaged him . The poor bloke probably doesn't know whether he's coming or going. .

Have a look above what he actually said. I think I had to savage him.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePerkyCoralPoet · 15/06/2025 21:44

Omeara · 15/06/2025 21:38

What did he actually say? Could he not just have meant he enjoyed it and would like to repeat it?

Just need to learn how to take my dick a few more practices and you might get worn in xx

OP posts:
Gymbunny2025 · 15/06/2025 21:45

I think his comment made clear he’s just after sex from you and I’d be really offended to be invited round to ‘ride his dick again’. Yuck! I don’t think you’re overreacting at all

Original poster
ThePerkyCoralPoet · 15/06/2025 21:47

Gymbunny2025 · 15/06/2025 21:45

I think his comment made clear he’s just after sex from you and I’d be really offended to be invited round to ‘ride his dick again’. Yuck! I don’t think you’re overreacting at all

Exactly. Maybe it’s my fault and I messed up by doing it on date 2 but it’s too late for regrets now.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePerkyCoralPoet · 15/06/2025 21:48

Icanttakethisanymore · 15/06/2025 21:33

Jeez. Calm down. Your language around sex is odd- your title said you ‘gave in’ but the post doesn’t sound like that. Sex isn’t a weapon.

if you like him, see him again, if you don’t, don’t.

His comment was Just need to learn how to take my dick a few more practices and you might get worn in xx

OP posts:
Gymbunny2025 · 15/06/2025 21:49

Nope not your fault at all! It’s meant you don’t waste any more time on him and you enjoyed the night so win win really!

Eagle2025 · 15/06/2025 21:49

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 15/06/2025 21:44

Just need to learn how to take my dick a few more practices and you might get worn in xx

Show quote history

Ok so he has read the situation wrong. You had sex, he thought you enjoyed it. It doesnt make him a bad person if he has got it wrong and thinks you might be up for a repeat. Lots of women are looking for casual fun and FWB so if you have sex so soon it's not unreasonable for him to get it wrong in your case.

BlueandPinkSwan · 15/06/2025 21:52

He sounds a complete dick anyway. You say you had fun, let it go and move on to someone who isn't so crass, and actually wants to be with you.

Gymbunny2025 · 15/06/2025 21:53

Eagle2025 · 15/06/2025 21:49

Ok so he has read the situation wrong. You had sex, he thought you enjoyed it. It doesnt make him a bad person if he has got it wrong and thinks you might be up for a repeat. Lots of women are looking for casual fun and FWB so if you have sex so soon it's not unreasonable for him to get it wrong in your case.

Show quote history

It’s not fair that he’s gone from being gentlemanly and respectful to suggesting casual sex though. If that’s what he wanted he should have been upfront

BlueandPinkSwan · 15/06/2025 21:55

Gymbunny2025 · 15/06/2025 21:45

I think his comment made clear he’s just after sex from you and I’d be really offended to be invited round to ‘ride his dick again’. Yuck! I don’t think you’re overreacting at all

!00% agree

Eagle2025 · 15/06/2025 21:57

Gymbunny2025 · 15/06/2025 21:53

It’s not fair that he’s gone from being gentlemanly and respectful to suggesting casual sex though. If that’s what he wanted he should have been upfront

Show quote history

It was a second date. I would behave a certain way with a man in that short space of time but after sex it can change things and you might feel you can be more suggestive, naughty etc.

Noiamnotalison · 15/06/2025 21:58

I get you OP. I would find that kind of talk a total turn off and would probably snap too. Or just turn icy polite and make sure it didn’t happen again. If that’s how someone speaks after two dates when you’d hope they’d be showing their most charming side, I wouldn’t want date 3.

FrodoBiggins · 15/06/2025 21:59

Gymbunny2025 · 15/06/2025 21:53

It’s not fair that he’s gone from being gentlemanly and respectful to suggesting casual sex though. If that’s what he wanted he should have been upfront

Show quote history

Didn't they both give quite a large indication to the other that they wanted causal sex when they had casual sex?

Fine if you don't want that now OP and have changed your mind but you can't really be upset at his response when you're giving very mixed messages.

Freeflight · 15/06/2025 22:01

The reality of dating is that very few men are open on their true intentions.
Having sex on date 2 or date 7 may have made no difference. If he got on with you, you presented some nice flirtation and ego boosting and he thought he'd get sex at some point then he'd probably have continued until he got it.

Best thing is to figure out what in your past has made you feel so awful about sleeping with him if it felt right. Like anything, it doesn't always pan out the way you hoped, but you shouldn't feel embarrassed about the situation. You had a nice time, he didn't turn out to be who you thought, you stood up to that and you move on.
It's rubbish, but you just have to move past it.

CastorWheels · 15/06/2025 22:02

He's a crude insulting man who thinks he is above you.

I don't think op has read this wrong at all.

Eagle2025 · 15/06/2025 22:04

CastorWheels · 15/06/2025 22:02

He's a crude insulting man who thinks he is above you.

I don't think op has read this wrong at all.

How do you know he thinks he is above her?

Y2ker · 15/06/2025 22:24

Saying it was fun/acknowledging it is fine. But yeah if he made it sound like that's all he's looking forward to now is a bit crap. And it soundsnlike youre both on very different wavelengths.

BeenThereBackThen · 15/06/2025 22:46

You had sex, he then commented on it in what seems like a positive way, e.g. it was fun. You only got together very recently so from what i’m reading (your op only) it looks like he is into you.

I think it was his clunky way of saying he likes you, it sounds like that to me.

Perhaps you’ve been used before and therefore expect the worst. That’s understandable. But i can’t read from that one comment that he is intending to use you.

Btw, i think that whether you jump into bed early or wait some time makes no difference. If they like you and are a good person, that will come through either way. Early sex tends to simply reveal their true colours, sooner. As all the ‘mating dance’ and putting up a front is bypassed. Which is not a bad thing.

So you had sex, see how he acts now and decide accordingly. If he’s disrespectful, you just took a shortcut to find that out sooner, before you get emotionally attached.