Dating man who rents in 50s

[Starlightstarbeight]

So I’ve met a guy who seems nice. We’re both in our 50s. Been out a few times but.. unlike all men I’ve dated before (and me) doesn’t own his own property. He did own a house years ago but left it to his wife when he divorced years and has been renting since.
He has a reasonably well paid job. I’m quite financially secure and I’m not looking for someone to “support “ me financially but not sure if this is worth pursuing as our finances are so different…

Be honest you think he’s beneath you because he rents. You don’t know what his financial position is so why so judgy

Would you check if he had a mortgage though, a lot of people don't own houses, just have a mortgage so share it with the bank.

I don't think the responses here have gone the way you thought they might.

Nobody is sneering at anyone who rents I don't think. I just don't want to be responsible for someone else financially at this stage of my life. I've been there and done that and it gets very stressful.

Do you actually own a home, OP, or do you own a gargantuan pile of debt? Paying rent means you pay your own way every single month, instead of being in debt to the bank for decades, and paying a huge idiot tax in interest, uncertainty and financial duress for the privilege. Leave him be, he deserves better than you.

Wow - I’m in my 50’s and rent. I’ve got a 6 figure sum in the bank after my ex bought me out and I didn’t want to get saddled with a mortgage that I only had 10 years to pay off.

Ill probably buy abroad when I retire but good to know before then I’d get judged as a potential scrounger - despite never wanting to cohabit or expect someone rise to subsidise me!

I don’t see what the issue is. He had a house, he got divorced and then probably found a nice rental, got comfortable and never really got round to buying. Personally I’d want to buy just so I wouldn’t have the worry of it being sold and having to move but everyone is different.

My parents never owned a house and live in a HA property. It’s not a big deal and in no way tells you anything about who he is as a person.

Ok, so renting a house or living in a house share?
Renting often costs more than a mortgage would be. As a single bloke, no help for housing so its buy or private rent. Renting gives more freedom to move on ( providing he can afford deposits etc), freedom from maintenance costs.
It's not a red flag in itself, financially illiteracy would be.

Come off it. Rent is overpaying someone else's mortgage with nothing to show for it at the end. Congratulations you've died buying someone else a house and don't have any money left for your own funeral.
DS rented for years, shitty flat cost £1000 a month. Now he's bought a house, pays £800 a month for three beds and a massive garden which he will own outright by the time he retires. He will be mortgage free and you will still be paying a vast amount of rent to someone else out of your pension.
How is that better?
I've paid off my mortgage and everything I own is mine after I've paid bills and council tax. How am I worse off?

I rent , but have a substantial amount of cash if I wanted to buy a house. I’ve don’t tell people that.
But if someone had a problem with me renting, I’d run a mile , there will be reasons as to why people are renting.
I have mine atm, should I have to explain ? No
Nevet been short of dates and don’t judge people for there lifestyle I’m in it for a good relationship and values not money as I have my own and can more that support myself.

DS rents because he lives in a large city centre and no one of sound mind would buy a flat as you only own the bit you live in, as they are all leasehold, he would have to live outside the city if he was to buy a house but can easily afford to if he wanted.

Exactly so there isn't a solid future with you, you're not grounded anywhere like a homeowner is. It's all temporary and in the air. Not many will want to move countries specially if they are settled with a home already.
So even though the homeowner renter thing is more when the man is the renter, your example shows not just financial imbalance and potential exploitation it's also different attitude to life and long term plans.

Absolutely this I'm afraid, your in your 50's and the time for making money & buying houses has probably passed him by. What you should be doing is not measuring him by his assets but by how he makes you feel and how you enjoy your time together with him. Love is not about money, my partner hasn't got a pot to piss in but we have lovely times together. When relationships split they often cut up the assets and leave both parties depleted of financially worse off. Your the wrong woman with the right man.

My god, no wonder dating is virtually impossible these days. Women are just too hard to please.

Plenty of women aren’t hard to please. They’re nowhere near fussy enough which is one reason so many women end up with crap men. I’m usually shocked at how low women’s standards are and how they settle for things they don’t want.

I dated a guy in his 50 s who stayed with his Mum, divorcee. Although he was earning over £400k a year when i checked his accounts online and his ex wife still got spousal maintenance even though the kids were in their 20s. I dated plenty men who had homes in my 20s who wanted to move into mine as I had the larger, fancier house in a better area. These men are just as bad and men will and do take advantage if they can. I've had my son and now i will stay single as i dont want to be responsible for a mans housing needs. I can see where they're coming from I'm mortgage free in a big lovely well maintained property in a central area. Theres is a pokey flat or out off town so it makes sense in their head. There is a lot to be said for not dating down saves a great deal of problems.

I think he could find someone better than you tbh.

This. You can see it by the number of threads on here from women bemoaning the uselessness of the man in their life.

Also by their 50s most home owners have paid off their mortgage, so all those going on about how buying is sharing with the bank so renting is better etc are barking up the wrong tree.

Exactly more than 50% of home are owned outright. In your 50s I’d expect that of a man but I remember dating some of these now 50 year olds in my 20s, they’d remortgage or tell you no one puts more than 10% into a property. Needless to say with that financial acumen they’re still paying mortgages on cheaper houses than they had whilst dating me. They basically were like children that couldn’t knuckle down and put in the work they just got jealous of others who did.

Wow. So judgemental.

The same guy I know who is mega wealthy has dated women and they had no idea on his level of wealth at all. OP’s guy might have money or might not and OP is correct to protect her assets and wealth, but to judge to not date strictly on someone renting is a little shallow but also considerably short sighted. Get to know the person, protect your assets and see how it goes. Some of the most awful men Ive known owned property, the most awful, my ex, owned many properties! This should not really be an indicator other than to protect your wealth.

I rent i guess i better not date anymore.
I thought when dating you look at a person as a person learning about them getting to know them not look at them like as a financial gain.
Personally etc not a personal atm.
Op let this one go fgs he deserves better.
Gold digger and perl clutcher is what it says about you.
I wouldn't be telling anyone about my financial business or whats in my bank after a few dates.

Who cares about this sort of thing? Is he a good human? Do you like him? My best mate rents, she enjoys the flexibility it gives her to relocate if she needs to, and the fact that she’s not responsible for upkeep and maintenance. Should I look for another friend on the basis of what you say?
If you’re not looking for someone else to fund your lifestyle, and he’s not subbing off you, enjoy him and see where it leads.

Because its a superficial premise based upon a monetary value to a relationship.

Snob or what

just do him a favour and forget the relationship, he deserves so much better than you