Dating man who rents in 50s

[Starlightstarbeight]

So I’ve met a guy who seems nice. We’re both in our 50s. Been out a few times but.. unlike all men I’ve dated before (and me) doesn’t own his own property. He did own a house years ago but left it to his wife when he divorced years and has been renting since.
He has a reasonably well paid job. I’m quite financially secure and I’m not looking for someone to “support “ me financially but not sure if this is worth pursuing as our finances are so different…

You can do a declaration of trust etc of course you can. I won’t want to date anyone who sneered at me for renting- I’m a home owner. But my ex husband took everything from us and it took a long time to claw it back

@Starlightstarbeight There is nothing wrong with your concerns about this. If it’s been 10 years since he split from his wife and is still renting then I would question if we were financially compatible. If he has a good job and it’s been so long since his divorce then I would wonder what’s stopped him buying a house especially with rent being higher than mortgages these days. It really depends on the reason. If he’s just really bad with money and can’t save and has no desire to “plant roots” then that would put me off. It doesn’t really matter if you’re just casually dating but It’s defo an issue if you move in together / get married.

Agree with this. I think OP is getting a hard time on this thread. You have to be careful. I have seen friends get burned when they have become an attractive prospect to men with no money.

I see where you're coming from OP. If you're wondering if the relationship has legs, maybe one day grow old together, then of course you should be worried about the imbalance in financial stability. Any imbalance in financial matters for that matter.

Are you renting too OP? Some confusion in your OP. If you are both renting then what’s the beef? If it’s just him renting then I’m sure you can gauge the situation after a few more dates.

It may be he is waiting to meet someone and maybe pool resources? You’re unsure at this stage, but I can see why you’d be cautious.

A friend of mine is dating a man in his 60s. He is renting a room in an HMO. Absolutely no intention of renting somewhere else, cannot accommodate her in his very cramped room, so spends most of his time at her (mortgage free) home. I think she needs to be v v cautious!!

See how it goes OP, just enjoy it casually for now.

Am I correct in thinking you don't own your own home either, OP? If so, why the hypocrisy?!!

I've been a sole home owner since 30. I'm 40 now. I don't think I've ever been out with a man except 1 who owned his own house.

However, all the guys I've seen in the past 3-4 years have all wanted me for my financial situation, nothing else. They've just wanted to use, use and use me.

So I do understand OP's concerns.

These are all men who are older than me, too.

lol. Why are people taking this so personally? OP possibly doesn’t want to date someone who rents. How does that translate to your friend being barred from finding a happy future. 🤪😂

Same. I've been renting since my husband and I split, well over 10 years ago - I didn't realise it made me an outcast.

Thank goodness I didn't base my hubby on this or we wouldn't have been happily married with kids for years. I would much rather be renting, have a hubby who works and looks after us, loves us all l, does more than half his share at home and makes sure we are always financially stable bills paid cars paid holidays etc than have turned him down because he didn't own a house. Wow I hope this guy finds happiness elsewhere as life is way to short

Really? How would she know - I wouldn't be telling someone I had only been out with a few times the details of my finances.

It's not that unusual. Does it matter ? He's not asking you to pay his rent and presumably not planning to move in with you so what difference does it make whether he owns or rents. If you enjoy each other's company and he can afford to pay his share, that's all that matters.

This. If finances are not a consideration then why are you judging him?

I know quite a few men this age who rent, after divorce, selling house, etc. Prefering to be near their kids, not wanting to put down roots until next step, etc.

I also rent at 51 and the deciding factor in my 30's was due to not having children. I have lived all over the UK in some lovely places over the years, as was able to WFH.

I can think of many home owning men who I wouldn't touch with a bargepole!

Some very odd and outdated views on MN recently, or perhaps I never noticed it before

I might be put off by a man who had few social interests or connections, with little interest outside of himself. I might be put off by a man with excessive personal baggage. But his status as the owner of a pile of bricks doesn't really come into it.

My close friend recently stalled on a 6 month old relationship with a fairly affluent homeowner with a property portfolio because he was drinking himself into oblivion behind closed doors.

Unless you want stakes in their home or to capitalise on their assets, why should it matter to you?

Renting what? A room in an HMO or a decent and clean flat?

It does matter. Is he equal to you in terms of being able to host you? Or is he expecting you to host all the time?

You have to work out your priorities and if they are very different from his. When I met my husband at 30 he was about the same age and had given little thought to his career or financial security. I was put off by that but now at 58 we have a secure financial situation, have both got sound careers and he’s been a very caring family man.

if money is your only goal then maybe it’s not right for you or him.

Speechless

Can he afford to pay half of things you want to together, meals out, concerts, holidays etc. If so, whilst dating it might not be an issue.

If things get serious, make sure you protect your house and any other assets.

You can get rid of him for any reason though. If you don’t want to date him because he doesn’t own a house, you don’t have to. In your position, I’d probably prefer to date someone with their own house or who could afford to. Maybe he can and chooses not to? If he can’t, I’d probably bin him.

Throw him back. So he can date someone not so materialistic and who might value his actual qualities rather than his bank balance/status.

No one needs "a legitimate reason" to rent a house other than having a roof over their heads. 🙄

@StarlightstarbeightDo you think there may be a reason you're single in your 50s?

I’m in my 50’s and own 4 properties. I wouldn’t see me I’m an emotional disaster.

If you like him see him. Just don’t move him into your house/marry him.

I divorced 12 years ago and am still renting, and will probably always be. It is actually really hard to save a deposit whilst also paying for somewhere to live and even if you do manage it getting a mortgage on one salary is difficult. And some people don’t want to own a house anyway and prioritise other things.

Surely it’s more important how he treats you, his values, character, etc.

It may come as a shock but not everyone wants to own a house. I love renting, all the expensive repairs done for free, no stress of sorting out workers to do it, can move whenever we want no huge stress of trying to sell etc.