Ex says she’s pregnant by DP but he had vasectomy

[HellPro]

Bit of a long one sorry. Me and DP have 3 kids together, he also has 2 from a previous relationship. We’re not married but been together nearly 7 years.

He had a vasectomy in Dec last year, we’d agreed no more babies and tbh 5 between us is more than enough. Everything seemed fine until past couple months when I started getting a weird gut feeling. He’s been spending more and more time at his ex’s when dropping the kids, like going in for coffee or just “having a chat” which wasn’t really a thing before. Then he randomly bought a new expensive aftershave which is v unlike him (he normally uses whatever’s on offer in Asda lol).

Anyway, I asked him outright if anything’s going on and he swore blind no. Fast forward to yesterday and I get a msg from his ex. She says she slept with him and she’s pregnant. She doesn’t know about the vasectomy, so I’m guessing she thinks he’s still fertile.

Idk what to think. Is she lying to stir things up? She’s always been a bit off with me, and I’ve always felt like she never really moved on from him. They split cos she cheated on him (he told me that early on) so it’s not like they were some perfect couple.

But now I’m second guessing everything. Would she really lie about being pregnant?? Or could he have cheated and not told her about the vasectomy? Is it even possible she’s pregnant by him if he had it done over 6 months ago?

could be possible that the vasectomy didnt work. Have you spoken to him about this? You really need too.

It's possible she's trying to escalate things by claiming to be pregnant, but it's very likely she has slept with him.

Is it the pregnancy you really want to focus on?

at the moment with so little information there’s lots of possibilities. You need to decide whether you want to ask the ex some questions first (how far along, when did this happen, how long has it been going on) before speaking to your DH.
Vasectomies can fail but the chances are very low.

He’s still a cheating toe rag, did he have the follow up samples to test the vasectomy worked? I believe it takes a few months before it’s safe.

Vasectomies aren't deemed to have worked until the production of a clear sperm sample six months later (or at least weren't).

If he's been ignoring advice to use contraception for six months, its possible. Its certainly not an instant proof that she's lying about any of it.

Vasectomies can fail

shame she ( and most probably him ) have fucked up the blended family situation

Did he go back for the spermstest after the procedure? When mine had his he had to ejaculate 21 times then go back for a sperm count test.

oh dear
vasectomies take a while to work dont they?
awful for you

Vascectomy doesn't work immediately, you need contraception until he's given the all clear. Even if the Ex isn't pregnant he's being pretty shady Op, you're suspicious and I don't blame you.

If she doesn’t know about the vasectomy then why was no contraception used?
Could it be he has slept with her and she planned to get pregnant? Possibly isn’t but after stirring things up she might say she’s miscarried.
It doesn’t look good and I would definitely be raising this with him asap.
But get your ducks in a row in case he has cheated and you kick him out.

When DH had a vasectomy (we're talking 30ish years ago) he had to give a sample to check that he was (in his words) 'firing blanks' before it was safe to stop other forms of contraception. Is OP certain that her DH is sterile.

We were told that we had to have sex at least 30 times before DH would be sterile - with 3 young children & 4 catering outlets we joked that I would be past menopause before we could manage that & the whole exercise would've been pointless. 😂

Well, obviously he’s sleeping with her, but I wouldn’t leave it there. You say she cheated on him? She’s probably sleeping around, so I would be telling her that you know it’s not his baby and why.

This.

@HellPro 2 things here!! did he send his specimen away post vasectomy to ensure there were no sperm there? has he genuinely had sex with her whether or not she is pregnant? both need investigating, but either way, the second question remains the biggest!

If he only had the vasectomy in December has he had the six month follow up yet to show whether successful or not? It is only early June so maybe not. I wouldn't assume she is lying on either count.

Most likely possibility is that she got pregnant from 1 night stand with random other bloke and then quickly turned on full seduction mode to lure your DP into bed because she knows he's a reliable babydaddy and wants him to take on this new one as a better bet than whoever her random ONS bloke was.

If you can forgive him the infidelity and you want to stay together, he should indist on paternity testing before he has any kind of contact with the new baby. If (as probable) that's negative then that's the end of it.

It is true that vasectomies can fail.

Obviously you may feel his infidelity is a dealbreaker.

It seems relatively unlikely that the whole thing is a lie and he hasn't shagged her, but I guess possible.

Has he had his check ups to make sure it's worked OP?

Either way, even if she's lying about pregnancy your Spidey senses are tingling over their relationship with each other. Focus on that for now.

My neighbour had their 4th child months after the husband had his vasectomy.
They had been told to use alternative contraception for x time.

It is your DP's baby she is pregnant with.

In the meantime, message the ex telling her youre confused as he's had the snip and ignore any other messages from her

He probably has cheated with his ex. She probably is pregnant. Although not necessarily by your DP. It is possible she got pregnant by a random and it’s just easier to blame your partner.

I really wouldn’t be confident it’s not his child, I know of two women just in my own circle who have ended up with whoops babies after husband’s had vasectomies!

Ask your partner to go in for testing to be certain that the vasectomy worked. Don't they normally do this?

If she cheated on him then she’s probably shagging someone else too…….has got pregnant by them and shagged her ex to explain the pregnancy whilst not knowing about his vasectomy.
Either way, he needs to account for what he’s been up to, why the posh aftershave, going in for coffee etc.
You might be best to kick him out if his brains and common sense are lodging in his under pants.

He hasn’t had the follow up yet no, was meant to get tested at 16 weeks but kept putting it off then just never booked it 🙄 I did keep reminding him but he said he couldn’t be bothered and we’ve still been using condoms anyway just in case so I didn’t push it.

Which is why I’m confused cos IF he did sleep with her why wouldn’t he use something?? Unless he didn’t think it mattered? None of it’s adding up and I’ve not actually spoken to him about the msg yet. Just feel sick tbh and trying to get my head straight before I do.

Unless he's had 2 clear specimens back (usually done at 3 months and 4 months) then yes it is possible if he's slept with her.