Ex says she’s pregnant by DP but he had vasectomy

[HellPro]

Bit of a long one sorry. Me and DP have 3 kids together, he also has 2 from a previous relationship. We’re not married but been together nearly 7 years.

He had a vasectomy in Dec last year, we’d agreed no more babies and tbh 5 between us is more than enough. Everything seemed fine until past couple months when I started getting a weird gut feeling. He’s been spending more and more time at his ex’s when dropping the kids, like going in for coffee or just “having a chat” which wasn’t really a thing before. Then he randomly bought a new expensive aftershave which is v unlike him (he normally uses whatever’s on offer in Asda lol).

Anyway, I asked him outright if anything’s going on and he swore blind no. Fast forward to yesterday and I get a msg from his ex. She says she slept with him and she’s pregnant. She doesn’t know about the vasectomy, so I’m guessing she thinks he’s still fertile.

Idk what to think. Is she lying to stir things up? She’s always been a bit off with me, and I’ve always felt like she never really moved on from him. They split cos she cheated on him (he told me that early on) so it’s not like they were some perfect couple.

But now I’m second guessing everything. Would she really lie about being pregnant?? Or could he have cheated and not told her about the vasectomy? Is it even possible she’s pregnant by him if he had it done over 6 months ago?

Oh dear. Are you completely sure he had the vasectomy?

Did you get confirmation of a clear sample following the vasectomy? It took quite a while and multiple samples for my ex-h.

edit: just seen your update, definitely possible if he hasn’t had any follow up samples taken

You need to speak to him and find out what’s going on. Are you absolutely sure he went through with vasectomy? Even if ex isn’t pregnant there are a lot of red flags here. Bite the bullet and find out so you can plan what to do about it.

If he hasn’t had the follow up then there is every chance he has got her pregnant

If he's just seeing her when he drops the kids off has he actually had an opportunity to sleep with her?

There appear to be holes in his story.

Are you sure his ex cheated? Could he have been the cheater? Or perhaps both of them?
Are you sure he had a vasectomy? If he has been lying about one thing, he could be lying about a hole host of things.

You said she has been off with you. Do you have any idea what he has told her about you?

If the relationship is shaky you should focus on your financial security, who owns the house? Have you reduced your hours to raise the three kids?

Men are bastards. He's shagging her. Ducks in a row, please.

He's been having sex with her. That's all you need to know. The baby could be his. My H had 2 clear sperm tests before we started having unprotected sex. It migh5 not be his but it doesn't matter because you can't trust him anyway. Your relationship is done.

Leaving the vasectomy aside, if this was true why wouldn’t she tell him first? Unless it’s to screw you over. Or is she saying he already knows. What a mess? Do you trust him? That she has decided to tell you and not let him tell you indicates to me that she can’t be trusted. Unless she is far along and has been telling your DP to inform you.

You need to speak to him.

Forward him the message with a dozen ? added. You don't sound very concerned about him having sex with his ex, which seems to be pretty certain. The paternity of the baby less so.

Regardless of the pregnancy, it does seem that he's been shagging his ex. So all you can do really is show him the message and take it from there. It sounds like she's decided to drop that grenade into your relationship and wants him back - if I was you, I'd say she was welcome to him, but appreciate it's not that straightforward with three kids. What a mess! Good luck.

I would take the vasectomy out of the equation.

you’ve had your doubts, and now she’s saying this. I’d be more inclined to believe her.

how old are the kids?

where are they when they are messing around, if he’s dropping them off?

IF he did sleep with her why wouldn’t he use something??

Because she told him she was on the pill, but wasn't because she wanted to get pregnant. Or simply because they got carried away and he didn't care that much what happened. The way he acted about not getting the follow-up test from the vasectomy doesn't speak to a vigilant man. He's been fishy AF all round so I would assume the worst unfortunately. I'm hoping that you chose not to get married because you are fully financially independent so it won't be too hard to support yourself and DC without him, if he goes back to her or even if he doesn't but still has 6 kids to fund.

It's a bit odd that she's telling her ex's partner before the ex . Because ,surely if she'd told him, he would've said that he's had a vasectomy .

Sorry to say it does sound very much like he has cheated with her.

Whether she is pregnant is less certain.
Whether she is pregnant by him is less certain still.
If he has cheated, it is a possibility at this stage though.

Tackle the cheating allegation first.

Poor you, totally shit of him. And with the ex, how lazy and unoriginal!

You seem remarkably calm about this. I wouldn't be.

Always trust your gut, you suspected they were shagging and now pregnancy aside, she's just confirmed it.

What a mess

i don’t know how likely it is to get live sperm on the sperm tests, but it could be possible that she wants him back and that’s why she’s telling you or making it up

Yes, that is strange.

I don't think your issue here should be if she's pregnant, but rather... has he been sleeping with his ex? are you not concerned about this?

Maybe she has told him, he’s burying his head in the sand, and she’s the one left taking the bull by the horns?

You need to speak to him.

Cover the have they shagged thing first then, whether he denies it or not, drop the pregnancy bomb.

She's telling you they had sex. I'm really sorry. I hope you're coping ok. Decide what you want to do before talking to him. Good luck.

Does it really matter though ? I mean isn't it enough that he's cheating on you with ex? What a sorry excuse for a man he is. Don't know how you can stand being in the same room as him.

Its 30 goes now rather than a time frame