I literally can’t believe I keep giving this a try

[TT250]

this is some of the things my “boyfriend” has just said to me
after we had a disagreement last night about him shouting Oi at our 1 year old because he thought she was being too hyper before bed and me saying shouting will more than liking scare her and her hurt herself by falling over ….

You’ll be jobless
See if we work better as a team not together you’ll see
You’ll have your daughter 2/3 days a week
You’re an ungrateful cunt
You work a part time job minimum hours so you can claim benefits
He said I’ll sign on and have her when you don’t
I’ll get a part time job work Saturday Sunday so I can claim benefits
This will only work if we’re a team
This house is a shit hole
It’s a shit hole all the time
You will be ok for a week
You don’t know what anxious is it’s a made up word in this house
I asked him to leave numerous times
you’re twisted

explain to me why I’m still “trying” to make this relationship work.

He just keeps saying I’m a bad mum if I take him to court I’m using her as a weapon against him and that’s not in her best interest ???
the anxiety I have today is hurrendous

Go to court and get this man's words out of your head. He really is a master manipulator. You have her interests at heart; it is he who wants to use her as a weapon against you and he is projecting his own self onto you.

No, you’re a good mum if you get a court ordered arrangement. It’s better for her and you, stops all
of this to and fro and he has set contact. It’s a long process but I don’t think you can avoid it. Your life will be miserable otherwise. It gives you power and removes it from him.

How do you think going to court makes you a 'bad mum'? You need to stop taking any notice of what this man says.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5355188-your-top-ten-red-flags-and-evergreen-advice-to-women

Read this thread and take notes, you'll need proper therapy & boundary setting before the next time you choose a man.

You need to do the freedom programme either im person or online to learn how to spot red flags in future relationships. You don't have good people reading skills & poor boundaries.

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

That’s what I feel like he’s just trying to control everything and when he’s not in control he explodes horrible hatred words and comments at me

This may sound harsh, and its really said in kindness - stop allowing him to make you feel like this.
Give him an inch and he will take a mile - that has to stop.
Set your boundaries, do not let him in your home, do not communicate other than about your child and even then do it on your terms.

Stop feeling sorry for him - he is a grown up that made his own choices.

He is feeling the loss of power and control over the situation and over you. He will get angry and manipulative as he feels that slipping away. This is when terrible things happen.

I would be reporting your concerns to the police, social services, women's aid and my GP. Get everyone mustered to help you - its too big to try and manage it alone.

These early days are the worst! Every emotion will flood you and you just want it to stop, have a normal and happy family life, to feel sane again, to stop questioning everything and wondering what happened.

It does get better but you need time and space away from this creature to actually start to see him for what he is. You need to build your strength up again, get some decent sleep, eat properly and do things that quieten your mind - you can't do that whilst he is still jabbing at you with his venomous pointy stick.

I think you need a court arrangement. He is not interested in the baby really, he is just using the baby as a weapon against you because he knows it hurts you when he sees her and its a way to continue to abuse and try to manipulate you.