Your top ten red flags and evergreen advice to women?

[JFDIYOLO]

My top advice for women going through it at any stage of the old old story that plays out here so often:

1 No, you're not going mad.

2 If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck - it's a duck.

3 If his behaviour, dress, interests, appearance, conversation, habits, smell etc have suddenly changed - something is up.

4 If he has mentionitis - something is up.

5 If his stories don't make sense - something is up.

6 It wasn't your fault. 'If you hadn't (insert bullshit) I'd never have (insert more bullshit)...' Is just that. Bullshit. He chose to do it.

7 Keep records. Receipts, notes, journals, screenshots, copies.

8 Get professional advice - solicitor, financial advisor, Women's Aid. Don't believe what he may try to persuade you to believe about your rights, the finances, the property, the children. He is not your friend.

9 Have a life of your own outside the relationship, the family, the home - your network; old friends, relations, colleagues, interests, plus income and pension.

10 Always have a plan B.

What would you add?

If you break up seventeen times during the first six months, it's not a goer. Doesn't matter how wonderful the make-up sex is or how much you both promise to change - it's not a goer.

The red flags are there from the beginning. Take off your rose tinted spectacles and never lower your standards.

Agreed- also if either of you have to promise to change it’s not a goer

If his exes are all crazy - it’s him that’s the problem.

And a related matter, if his kids refuse to see him - it’s him too.

If a situation makes you feel uneasy and gives you that horrible churning feeling in the pit of your stomach, listen to it! It’s not just you being a crank. Don’t ignore it.

Red flags in the stages prior to your 10:

Sulking or silent treatment.

Keeps bringing the same thing up after you've said no.

Does not see his kids. There is no good reason not to, so don't accept one.

Doesn't like it when things don't revolve around him.

Becomes lazy with household chores once you've moved in together.

Equates earning more with not having to do as much at home.

The red flags you ignore in the beginning, are what will break you up in the end.

Trust your gut

A liar is always a liar.

You can end a relationship for any reason.

Be wary if they aren’t on good terms with ex’s, especially if they talk disrespectfully about them. There are two sides to every story.

The things they complain their ex’s said about them; there is usually truth in it!

When they show you who they are, believe them.

At the first sign of anger issues, addictions, violence, or anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, walk away. Don’t make excuses for them or give chances.

People rarely change, and cannot change who they fundamentally are.

Be careful who you have children with, genetics are powerful.

He should be excited to see you-and WANT to see you. He should be pleased to see you. NEVER wait by the phone for him to call you, or make excuses for him not calling you.

And ALWAYS use effective contraception until you’re both certain you want a baby. BOTH of you.

Showing you you’re not a priority. In the early stages that might mean not showing up when you need them, being unreliable, prioritising friends in a way that always means you are let down. That kind of mindset won’t change.

Love bombing is not a sign of love but actually a precursor to control.