It was all I've ever wanted.... Until now

[DrearyFriday]

Just over six years ago my life as I knew it came to end. My partner (Fiance) of 8 years died suddenly and I found myself at 32 losing everything. We had our dream wedding planned for 8 weeks after and it honestly took me years to process and accept what had happened.

Fast forward to February last year I met my current partner. He was amazing from the start and the more I told him from my past the more caring he became. We spoke about the future and it was pretty obvious we both wanted something long term. We spend a lot of time together and miss each other when we are apart. Still very much in the honey moon stage of the relationship. It is so nice to finally have someone for me again, someone to go away for the weekend with, watch a series together, book a holiday for the summer. All the things I took for granted before but now realise It could be taken away in a blink of an eye.

So to my current dilemma... I am 5 weeks pregnant. All I have ever wanted to be is a mum. I am 38, this could be my last chance at fulfilling a dream. We took the test together on Tuesday and initially he seemed really happy but since then he has changed. He is worried about our holiday in August, worried that it isn't the right time financially ( I recently moved jobs so wouldn't be able to claim full maternity pay) I really don't know how I feel about it. It is the wrong time but will there ever be a right time?

If I proceed with this pregnancy I can see me having to do it on my own. This week I have seen a different side of him. He does not want this baby now.

Would I be a really horrible person to do this on my own? I'm tired, boobs are sore and I don't know if i'm thinking straight. Do I risk this relationship or end the pregnancy and hope I get another chance when the time is better?

All advice welcome. Thank you!

You say you have always wanted to be a mum. If that’s the case and you have the means to raise a child alone I would say don’t terminate. I conceived first try in my mid 30s for my first dc and needed ivf in my late 30s to get pregnant again. For some people fertility declines very quickly in your 30s, I was one of those people unfortunately.
you may end up going it alone but I think there is a massive possibility of regret if you don’t go ahead with the pregnancy.

Well frankly his dc will have to accept their dad has a baby whether he steps up to parent or not.

Would they prefer their father to be an active and responsible man or someone who buggered off and left a pregnant woman and future baby?

Plenty of of MN threads where women admit to this. Not remotely uncommon.

You seem to have decided already and will regret it if you don't follow your heart.

But you should want this baby so you can enjoy your children nort because you want somebody to look after you when you're old.

Must we ritually take pops at OP for expressing a commonly recognized bit of cultural wisdom which is that families matter as you get older? That we have children for lots of reasons aside from the purely altruistic squirt of life into the universe?

I would have the baby, 100%, no doubt. You’re 38 and this may well be your only chance. And you’ve already seen a side to him that you don’t like. There’s no way I’d terminate what was probably my only chance of a baby, for the sake of a man I’d known for 4 months, and who had already shown some negative behaviours. If he’s a good man and he genuinely loves you, he’ll realise that time is against you, and you need to keep this pregnancy. If he can’t see that, then he’s not the man for you, and certainly not worth giving up your chance of motherhood for.

Only through the maternal line and only fraternal twins.

OP, don’t abort if it isn’t what you want. You will regret it.

Have the baby and dump the man. The baby is a blessing and you may never have another chance.

If you want this baby everything will sort itself out, your family will be right behind you and your baby will be loved .
Plan to be a single mom and if things work out with him -and he is going to have to bloody well grovel and prove himself big time- then that's great but don't hold your breath.
Whatever you do let it be your choice only ,no one else ,your body and your baby.
I wish you well ,i don't think you will ever regret having this baby.

I actually think that you should do what you want to do, but be prepared to raise the baby alone, if that's what you decide to do.

31 years ago, I got pregnant accidentally. I was using contraception, but was 'caught'. I decided to have the baby. The then man cleared off for a few weeks and then came back apologetic. I said if we're getting back together, I'm having this baby, and he was fine with it - seemed excited. Like your previous partner, mine passed away suddenly, but I had my son and never regretted it. Sadly, he has now passed away too and my advice to you is if you know you want the babs and can do it on your own (finances etc have a way of working themselves out!) then go ahead. Be happy 🤗

I can understand why he’s worried about his son’s reaction. But i’d be telling him this baby is coming regardless. Keep the baby OP, i’ve raised 3 kids, mainly single handedly and they are all amazing, smart and kind people. You can do it.

I’m so sorry

So sorry for your losses. How awful.