Partner of 10 years still leaves and goes to his dads for days with no contact

[vicki2615]

My partner of 10 years on and off, leaves and goes back to his dads house after petty arguments with no contact, he has his own bedroom there at the age of 47 and still pays his dad £80 a week rent money saying it’s because all his things are there, even though he lives in my house which we moved into together in 2016, both families are fed up with our situation and he promised this time he would put full effort into the relationship and not run away to his dads house again, which he has broken again after only being back together for a few months, he has put effort into the relationship with doing more chores around the house but still doesn’t offer me any money for bills or food, I have 2 children from a previous relationship and my partner has been in their lives as a step dad figure for 10 years but still finds it easy to abandon us when he takes the huff, I have said several times if you leave again you are not coming back but he obviously doesn’t believe that anymore as he’s willing to risk it over nothing most of the time, he said we will fix the relationship and join our money together and move his things back to my house but this has not happened and a feel he’s just not ever going to commit , am I wasting my time ?

sounds like you have a flatmate with benefits .. not my idea of a relationship to be proud of.

Awww congrats on your 47 year old man child 😳😳

He pays his dad rent, he stays at yours free, you have spent so much money over the years on this nearly 50 year old man child, you could’ve took your kids on many holidays instead.
You were friends first with this emotionally stunted man before getting together with him and let me tell you he is no friend. He has took off you for years, ran back to his room he rents at his dad’s when life gets ‘too real’
You need to change your locks, pack his stuff up and put outside, block him and keep busy. He is just a child in his mind, living with his dad and having sleepovers at yours. Did he have a brain injury in his youth? He sounds like the character from a film Mel Gibson played in called Tim. Does he still get pocket money from his dad on a Saturday?

I bought a roll of black bin bags today, cost me £2.
It seems like a reasonable amount to pay to get rid of the waste of space in your life.
He has had 10 years to crap or get off the pot.
Someone has to be the grown up. Since he won't make up his mind, stop giving him options!
Look after yourself as number one priority from this minute on.

Since you can't sleep with all the thoughts whirling through your head, go around your place and toss his stuff in a black blag.
Change his name on your phone to 'knob head' or 'Peter Pan'
Some men don't grow up, they just get older.

Onward and upward @vicki2615 !! You are better than this. You deserve so much more. He is not worthy of your time or attention.

P.S. Start planning a little holiday for yourself. You will be amazed at how much money you have at the end of the month if you stop funding a adult.

Just get rid of this leech already ffs.

Do you really think after 10 years this wet blanket of a man is suddenly going to start acting right…. Is he F*

I do hope you’re ok @vicki2615

I’m sorry you’re going through this, it is difficult when partners don’t want to commit 100% but you just can’t make someone do something they clearly don’t want to do, he can’t have his cake and eat it too unless you both find an arrangement that works for you both like friends with benefits situation, only have him round on a weekend, that way you are in control of the situation and know what to expect without being heartbroken after expecting much more by putting all of your eggs in his basket by allowing him full access to you and your home 247. Just a thought.

Both families are fed up with the situation?

Yet Dad hasn't taken the keys off him
Dad still takes £80 a week off him instead of telling him to contribute that to your bills.

You havent changed the locks (if he's paying rent to his dad he can't exactly say he's resident at your house. Which is his legal residence? You might want to ensure you have proof he pays dad rent for your own legal protection.)
You haven't put the interests of the kids first and allow the relationship to continue when he can't commit to you for more than five seconds.

Both families ultimately don't want the situation to change. Otherwise they'd actively DO something to resolve the situation.

You have wasted enough time on this boy. Please gather up your self respect, and block him. It will be hard but not as hard as another 10 years of this inconsistent behaviour. Choose your hard. Put yourself & your kids first. He obviously loves creating drama & running to the safety of daddy house instead of dealing with relationship issues like an emotionally mature adult. He will not change. He has had plenty of opportunities to do so. You will be happier without him, richer & more content. Good luck

Dump his stuff outside his Dad’s house, change the locks on your house and block him. This is not fair on you or your children. Time to take control of your own life.

Why ever promise your children anything from this man, except that he treats them with respect?

He should also treat you with respect.
Set an amount which he will pay towards his own food and lodging each month in advance.
Set down daily chores that he will do cheerfully - to conribute to his household. And other chores he will regularly do like keeping the yard in check and cleaning the bathroom.
Have chores for the kids too.

If partner doesn't meet those he is not a great lodger, or friend.
So evict him.
At best you will have a better house mate.
At worst you will have no partner.

Oh OP, "I've told him several times if he goes he can't come back but he doesn't believe me" well yes, because you've said it but then let him back. You know what you need to do, because you're saying it out loud, you just need to follow through with this consequence. If he can't commit to your relationship, he can't be in it.
You can do it! Stay strong!

Do you really need us to tell you? What a sad excuse of a person. He’s had more than enough time. Time for him to live with dad full time. Your children do not have a stepdad. They have a manchild who pops by now and then. Tell him he’s not a partner or stepdad and call time. Should have just remained friends. There’s no shame in ending a relationship. There’s more shame in pretending you’re in one.

You know the answer a big fat YES. Not only that your teaching your children its OK to be treated like that. Would you be happy if someone treated one of your children like that. The chaos will also be havung a negative effect on them. Please get some self confidence, back bone abd self respect for the sake of your children if nothing else. You deserve so much more - I split with 8 month old baby born blind and disabled and 6 year old x2 years of independence b4 I let a man in 18 years later he's still here, never raised his voice or had a strop. Decent men exist. Look too the future.

Are you wasting your time? Ten years down the line and he's still behaving like a stroppy teen do you need to ask?

Give him the boot for your children's sake if not your own.

It was our 10 year anniversary on the 5th and I have definitely decided I won’t do another 10 years of this , like you all say he won’t ever change his ways, there has been numerous family holidays he has ruined with my family by being booked on , unbooked and then re-booked again, times he has huffed at my family Xmas dinners and sat in the car all night in the cold as we lived over 200miles away huffing , I’m gutted I have let it go on so long, just always held on to the glimmer of hope he would stick to his false promises, I have him blocked and will be a week tomorrow since I last seen or heard from him , I have passed a message on through my mum as he owes me money for buying his sisters birthday presents last week not that he usually buys her anything but I wanted to make an effort for her 50th as we were invited to her garden party and didn’t want to show up empty handed, even though I know he has made a lot of money recently and I’m running out of money until my next pay date he still has not transferred me the money yet, I’m keeping busy decluttering the house and going to buy paint today, I’m hoping I stay strong and positive and carry this through as to be honest I have become weak before in the past even after a few months and taken him back and it’s always when I get myself to a good place so I can’t do that this time, I’m 37 and have wasted 23 years of my life so far on 2 dead beat men, thank you for all the encouragement everyone 🫶🏼

Try not to think too much about the money he owes you. If it costs you the price of a present to get him out your life it is worth every penny. Congratulations on almost one week no contact. Keep counting the weeks that will turn into months. You were probably addicted to the chaos he brought into your life so get used to a few hard weeks of withdrawal. I promise you in a few months you will be so happy you stuck to no contact !

You were useful to him. He used you - free accommodation, free food, plus sex. Classic Cocklodger.

He won't pay back what he owes you. He doesn't care that it leaves you broke and that your kids are impacted by that. He doesn't give a damn about your children or you.

He always was, is, and always will be, a class A Utter Cunt And A Waste Of Space.

It's a shame that you've wasted so many years on this Twat, but don't waste a single second more.

Teach your children their - and your - Value, and that sometimes you meet people who will abuse your trust if you let them so be on your guard for these Users.

You've been truly suckered. Stop it NOW.

He set out to deliberately ruin family celebrations, he has booked to come on away on holiday, then unbooked and booked again, was crazy making, to keep you anxious before going away. Everything was done to ensure he got all the attention and he feels threatened when your family are with you because he feels jealous of the attention you give them. I bet he plays up if you have friends round or if the kids are ill and you’re fussing round them.

Stay strong and well done 👏 🤩

Bloody hell, get rid