Partner of 10 years still leaves and goes to his dads for days with no contact

[vicki2615]

My partner of 10 years on and off, leaves and goes back to his dads house after petty arguments with no contact, he has his own bedroom there at the age of 47 and still pays his dad £80 a week rent money saying it’s because all his things are there, even though he lives in my house which we moved into together in 2016, both families are fed up with our situation and he promised this time he would put full effort into the relationship and not run away to his dads house again, which he has broken again after only being back together for a few months, he has put effort into the relationship with doing more chores around the house but still doesn’t offer me any money for bills or food, I have 2 children from a previous relationship and my partner has been in their lives as a step dad figure for 10 years but still finds it easy to abandon us when he takes the huff, I have said several times if you leave again you are not coming back but he obviously doesn’t believe that anymore as he’s willing to risk it over nothing most of the time, he said we will fix the relationship and join our money together and move his things back to my house but this has not happened and a feel he’s just not ever going to commit , am I wasting my time ?

Take back control and end things. Send him back to his dad’s permanently.You deserve better and he won’t change. You shouldn’t have to brow beat a man into cleaning up after himself or paying his own way. Jfc. This is not a role model for your children

He's a cock lodger. Why have you let him treat you so badly.

Wasting your time! Fucking hell OP, that's the understatement of the century. Is he fantastic in bed or something, because otherwise what are you getting out of this? You've also brought a lot of instability into your kids lives to keep this prick happy.

Yes, you're wasting your time. He's a man-child not a partner. Stop having him back. You deserve better.

Are you wasting your time? Yes, absolutely.

I would be mortified to be with someone who behaves like that. If you could magically go back to ten years ago would you have started a relationship with him? No, of course not.

Wow this one sounds like a keeper….

Hi Trevor,
Following our previous discussions, I’m texting to remind you to make arrangements to collect your belongings at your earliest convenience. I’m sure you wish to complete your move as soon as possible.
Best wishes
Vicki

Don't let him back in? Why on earth would he believe you if you never follow through.
Tell him you need to go to couples counselling to learn together how to communicate in conflicts.
If he won't agree to do this then dump him and just be friends if you like him
That much but don't have him as your primary love in relationship

Or just be single it's much more peaceful

You are wasting your time.

You're a mug and he's a cocklodger!
What example of a good equal partnership are you showing to your DC?

You can do better than this.

Doesn’t contribute to food and bills despite being part of family for 10yrs? Nope, don’t let him back in. Move on! He’s not going to change and clearly is not as invested in the relationship. Pack up his things and have it waiting by the door for him to pick up..

I wouldn’t even text him this to be honest, don’t invite him back to your house where he’ll make more empty promises and move back in…..
Just bag up his stuff and drop it at his dads when you know he’ll be at back… tell his dad to pass on the message that it’s over as he’s broken his promises not just to you but to the children - and you can’t waste another day of yours or their life on a man so fickle!

YES!!!
what is the obsession on here with finding another man?

He actually doesn’t have all that much things here to collect , over time with him leaving he took more things back to his dads or I dropped them off , I was supposed to be making space for him to move things back in so we could try make things work but after having a moan at each other a few days ago not even an argument he just got up and left and hasn’t come back, he has sent me a ❤️ today as let’s communicate to start the conversation off to come back but so far I have not opened it or replied, trying to keep busy today as my head is all over the place , I know what I should do it just seems so hard, I don’t have many friends to socialise with to keep my mind off things .

This is just repetitive behaviour because he knows from past experience that you’d rather have him back with all his emotional baggage than be without him…prove him wrong! Tell him you’re tired and you’re not playing this game anymore. Take his stuff and leave for good…do it or it’ll just be a regular occurrence! He’s manipulating you and making you miserable in the process. Lose the deadweight, if not for you than for your kids. Is that what you want to normalise for them so they might go on and repeat his mistakes in their own lives??

Honestly, next time he goes back to daddy, change the locks. Grab your backbone lady!

You’ve must know by now you’re backing a loser.

He’s a freeloading cock-lodger and he’s been doing it for 10 years!!

Why are you selling yourself so short??

Make the break and don’t ever contact him again.

You are so young (you really are although you probably don’t think so).

Take a complete break from men and give your head a very good shake and please start to value yourself 💐

That's good that you haven't replied @vicki2615 , as soon as you do that it gives him an 'in'. Grey rock if you need to communicate and stick to essentials only.

Concentrate on getting rid of his stuff and making small changes to your house, even if it's just cleaning the windows and rearranging the cushions. Put a different channel on the radio or TV, go to the shop in a different town to your usual, if you can, do something different with the children, just to make little changes that will help to fill your mind with out of your ordinary and take it off him.

You will get there, there will be ups and downs, but you'll get there

Please @vicki2615 do not let this man child yoyo his way back into your life… he’s wasted 10 years of you time, don’t let him waste a single day more.
You’ve said so yourself, he walks out over petty little things… doesn’t contribute… is unreliable …. Breaks promises to you and your children….
You can’t plan a future with a man like this - text back a simple ‘sorry this isn’t going to work for me and the children anymore, you yoyo-ing you way between my house and your dads is emotionally abusive to me and the children and I need you to collect your things out move out permanently …

Then you need to join some local groups and make some friends…. Why don’t you have friends?? Has he come between you and your friends over the years by chance? Please ask on local social media pages if there are any walking/craft/ any group you may find interesting where you can make some new girl friends.

You need to find your inner rage.

How is it that you don't see he is treating you with zero respect for a decade. Why on earth do you think it's going to change? He's proven again and again that he has no intention of it. Flouncing off to his own room at his parents at almost 50 years of age? FFS. Does he even hold down a job?

I'd respond to his heart with something along the lines of "I'm done. I don't want to see or hear from you again. I've had 10 years of this nonsense, with you flouncing off at a moments notice, not contributing financially or emotionally to this relationship and I am done with it. Do not disrespect me and upset my children further by coming to the house. I've changed the locks and I'm blocking you now on my phone [and the kids if relevant] so don't bother to respond".

Personally I'd be telling him to get to the far side of fuck and then fuck off some more for good measure.

Then make a plan. You're 40 years old - basically in your prime. How old are your kids? Where do you want to be by the time you are 50?

Find your anger! How dare he treat you like this? Show your dc what self respect looks like and dump his sorry ass. You can do better. Keep posting we are all right here cheering you on.

The guy is a complete prick who enjoys creating drama and then running away whilst you and your children suffer.

Let him go he brings absolutely nothing to yours or your children’s lives.

This isn’t fair to you, or your DC. He is showing you loud and clear that he is not going to change. Even though promises have been made to children. Please put your DC first and do not let him back into your home. He is taking the piss, and it’s become you have let him. Time to move on as this guy is never going to change.

This 💯
👏🏻great post @LivelyMintViper