Can you tell me your thoughts on this guy please?

[DaisyDaisyDaisy3]

I have been seeing a guy a few months. He appears genuine and kind, says all the right things and appears emotionally available.
He is looking for his own place as had to move back with his mum after his relationship ended.
He doesn’t have any children and he doesn’t drive. He is very fit and cycles to work. I have teenagers and I drive.
I have been driving to his area as it’s on my way home from work and as I work in the community, it has worked out ok. He has used public transport to come to me and I have had to take him home a couple of times.
As he doesn’t have his own place yet (and probably won’t for another 6 to 12 months), he has come to mine to stay a few times (looks like that’s how it will be). I have cooked etc. we have gone out but it’s me driving. We take it in turns to buy drinks and food.
I have started to feel like it’s a little unequal and wanted to hear your thoughts.
He was nights last week so I cooked for him Sunday and took him home on my way to work Monday (I have to go slightly out of my way). He has been off for 3 days and asked if I was visiting on Wednesday (today). I had already told him I have a busy week and I’m tired (time of the month). I told him I didn’t have any appointments his way this week and feeling tired. He answered with, you have driven my way before to see me without having appointments. I agreed but said I was so tired this week. I suggested getting a bus to lighten the load. Anyway he said he would see me Friday. He finishes work at 5 and I finish 4.30 so I said I would hang about for him. He suggested eating out so I agreed. Then he said whilst waiting for him, go to the pub and phone him to see what he wants and order our food. So basically pay. Then he said on Saturday we can go for a walk near where he lives (so I’m driving him home). I’m wondering where the romance in that is? He is not really thinking about my time and energy in all of this.
Im not feeling things are equal. I don’t mind taking it in turns with buying drinks and meals, I prefer that as I feel comfortable but I’m driving so it’s fuel and time and energy.
if he had his own place it might be more fair too.
I have driven to pick him up and taken him to look at a flat and payed for the food that day. We went to a pub after and I went to the toilet and he said, oh I thought you would have got a drink whilst in there. He watched me fill my car with fuel and take him home (as well as being in work all day and it was his day off). Later he said, oh I should have got the food, you paid for fuel.
Is he not getting it because he doesn’t drive?
How can I make this more equal?

I just think you’ve reached the end of the road, doesn’t matter who did what I don’t think you’d be feeling like this if you really wanted to stay in the relationship. Best ending it before you waste any more time on him

Throw this one back OP. You say he has children with his ex?? How involved is he? He clearly
doeant understand doing his share and would rather argue and be dramatic than just say sorry

At the start of the thread I thought maybe he’s just not really aware but after your updates you need to either get rid or set some very strict boundaries. You pick him up/drop him off he pays your fuel and buys the food. He makes his way to you, you pay/cook etc (if you want to get petty of course!)

I think I’d be leaving him though personally.

@DaisyDaisyDaisy3 His response to this is appalling, tells you everything you need to know and more. The correct response would be to to apologise massively and get on his bike and cycle 20 miles to you - it's really not that far on a bike.
Like another poster said if he was really into you he'd cross oceans

It sounds from your update that he is confusing what your issue is- he thinks asking to see you is him putting in effort, making you feel wanted etc… except it’s no effort for him is it??

just because you have picked him up before doesn’t mean you have to carry on- he’s got the bus before, why is it now an issue for him?

OP has said he doesn’t have DC.

I used the rules and never travelled to men unless they’d been to me three times. Even then I pretty much always let them
come to me. Weeds out takers like your guy. Dump him. My husband made a 3 hour round trip twice a week and always paid for dates.

This 100%. Why is a grown man happy to move back to mummy? (Been there, done that, paid the price for dating a mummy's boy.)

He has no children. His ex's children were from her previous relationship.

OP "What am I getting out of the relationship. I suppose company. We laugh and he talks about anything and everything. Potentially, travel and weekends away."

You could grab ten random people off the street and you could probably find that with about half of them. You can travel on your own - my mum's in her 70s and she's been doing that since she retired - she's very sociable and always finds new pals, but she also is happy in her own company.

He doesn't seem to respect you and he doesn't seem to be interested in a true partnership - using language like "I can't win" about a general discussion on why you didn't want to drive to pick him up this week. Since when is a partnership about one person 'winning'?

I just can't get past the time when he told you to order his food for him... nothing to do with who paid - it's just horrible... it was only early evening and he doesn't want to relax over a drink with you, let you decompress from your day, chat with you, ask about your day... then think about ordering your evening meal... just horrible, it's a put-down.

As a pp said - 20 miles on a bike is not a big deal if he's into cycling - why can't he cycle to yours?

As another pp alluded to - some men just take advantage of women's caring/ maternal natures - they're takers - he probably thinks you're a soft touch - and it appears you might be coming to the same conclusion, wisely, yourself. I know it's hard, I always see the best in people but some people are just piss-takers and this guy is clearly one. Looks like he might have a preferred relationship strategy - piggy back on as an 'extra' child in a single mum's set up. Sounds like you've just added an extra teenager to your household. Don't sell yourself short, OP, take some time out for yourself - you've got a lot on your plate as it is - and he's just adding to it.

To be honest I think he’s fixated on THIS week and isn’t understanding that goes deeper than just yesterday …
I agree, it’s not about winning, it’s about wanting him to understand you’re not a fkn taxi service …and if you’re driving him about, cooking for him etc then it’s not unreasonable to expect him to say ‘as you’ve taxi’d me around and cooked for me I’ll get this meal and drinks!’

You're not particularly compatible and this relationship will take work and compromise if you pursue things. You're a single mum, you work, you drive, you run a home.

He wants to live his life very differently. He doesn't want to be put out, he doesn't want financial pressure. He is into his fitness, his dog and his nice life.

I don't think he's wrong. But he's possibly wrong for you.

I've met these types of people before. They have a different attitude to money, cars, responsibility. "You have more money than me, it makes sense for you to pay". "You have a car, I don't - it makes sense for you to travel."

Fwiw I would never even entertain getting involved with a person like this as I am so far at the other end of the spectrum that my head would blow off.

However I actually think YAB - a little - U as you want him to be different. Why should he?

He wants you to be crystal clear in your communications. I would be annoyed in his shoes too, the refusal then to talk it through after the huffy accusations and criticism would leave most people defensive. He likes things to be simple. This is fair imo.

I think you should leave this thread and either have a full and open chat about what you both want from this or walk away.

I wonder who this man would be compatible with though? Besides his mum?

I don’t think I know any women who are actively seeking a man who needs lifts everywhere and expects other people to pay for his food.

Hi Im Jack I’m 16 and a half and my girlfriend is pregnant with our child and I need some parenting advice

Absolutely.
And as he's not a mind reader, I'd spell out exactly why: his every petty inconsiderate action.

You need to start your own thread Jack.