Feeling anxious — regret about sharing private photos/videos

[KellyR1]

Hi everyone,
I’m posting here because I’ve been feeling really anxious and I don’t know who else to talk to.

I’m currently seeing a guy, and I shared some private/intimate photos with him. He told me that it really turns him on, and he’s been sending me things as well. We were together last night, and he filmed us — and now I can’t stop thinking about the fact that he has all these photos and videos.

With my ex, I was comfortable with that kind of thing, but I realise now I don’t know this new guy well enough, and I should have said no. I feel like I crossed a boundary that didn’t feel right for me.

He hasn’t threatened me or done anything with the content, but just knowing it exists — and that he could share it one day — is making me feel sick with worry. I barely slept last night thinking about it. I texted him and told him I was feeling really anxious and asked him to delete the ones where my face is visible… but I haven’t had a reply yet.

I just want my peace of mind back.

Has anyone been through something like this? How did you handle it? I’d really appreciate any advice, thoughts, or just someone to listen.

Thank you!

I think it’s a bad idea to share this kind of video or image with anyone, hopefully he will agree to delete it (and delete it from backup/cloud/deleter folder). Unfortunately it is now completely outside of your control and you will have to rely on him respecting your request and following it.

See how he responds

either way…. Do not EVER do this again

do you have children?

I don’t have children, but I work with them.

Oh. Dear.

That’s not helpful. OP is obviously stressed about this. It’s not her fault if the videos are shared outside of the way they were intended. In fact, she’d be a victim of a crime.

Not sure why working with children is an “oh dear” in this situation.

If he makes that choice to share them with anyone he will commit a criminal offence as won’t have OP permission.

I’d script it down to lesson learnt OP and just don’t send / allow him to film again

https://www.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/online-safety/online-safety/intimate-image-abuse-revenge-porn/

For information. If he doesn't respond to your request to delete it I would just make sure that he is aware that it is a crime to share it.

Agree. It’s a terrible idea unless you’re in an LTR where you absolutely trust each other implicitly- and even then proceed with caution.

I feel like I’m in complete danger right now. I’m honestly spiraling with anxiety. He hasn’t replied yet. Just yesterday he was saying he wanted to hang out again soon

If the photos and video are ever leaked you could always claim they’re fake (AI).

Unfortunately it is now completely outside of your control and you will have to rely on him respecting your request and following it.

This!!!!!!

He replied to my message with:
“There is nothing to worry about. I have told you. I have promised you there won’t be a problem. Don’t worry and don’t think about it.”

He didn’t acknowledge how anxious I’ve been. It felt like he was just brushing it off and trying to control how I feel, instead of actually listening or showing that he deleted anything.

So now I’m left thinking… do I just say nothing more? What if something happens one day? I know I’ll feel vulnerable, but would it even be my fault?

Do I even deserve to date again? I’m 27. What if all of this causes a bad image of me somehow, and I can never be happy or have peace — and no partner would ever accept this past?

I think you’re letting what if-ary run away with you a bit. Just step back and breathe. He’s assured you he has no nefarious intentions. Just hold that for a moment. Wait until later or your next contact and just explain calmly that you feel anxious and would prefer not to have your face visible or if you want them deleted altogether, but learn from this. You’ve created a whole railroad of anxiety for yourself out of one momentary decision here.

I’d be really ‘boring’ from now on, just say I don’t feel like sending photos/videos, don’t sex chat, keep it light and breezy so he then goes off so fast and you won’t provoke him to get revenge of any kind.
If he really likes you he won’t pressure you if he’s just a sex pest then that will be clear immediately.

Also I’d say if you’re feeling pressured by him, is this really the type of guy you’d want anyway

Well his response is a red flag. To put you at ease he should be deleting everything.

To avoid any chance of revenge, should I reply to him now or just leave him on read?

I would like my photos and videos deleted - this is a hard boundary. Please delete them all from every device and text me to confirm you have done so. You no longer have my consent for these images to be stored. Please confirm that you have deleted them all. Thanks

Rather than texting him to delete the films you need to have the conversation face to face so he can delete the films there and then in front of you.

You’ve learned the hard way that this isn’t something you’ll do again. Get him to delete the images and films you’re not comfortable with and never ever do it again.

He should’ve responded and deleted them as you asked, this is a red flag for me, if he respected you he should delete them as soon as you requested. If he ever did share them, it’s a crime and he could be convicted. Also, try not to spiral, there is so much content out there that it’s unlikely to be found. He sounds like a bit of a creep that enjoys collecting videos/pictures of women.

Maybe keep the messages quite breezy but if you meet again in person, tell him strongly you want the videos etc deleted, if he cares for you he will delete them.

There's some good advice here.

You've done nothing wrong. If he won't delete them, he's a twat. If he shares, he's a sex criminal.

OF COURSE you deserve to date again - You've done nothing wrong. Any future partner who had a problem is revealing themselves as a sexist fool.

Can you talk to someone you trust? An older female?

I wouldn't get into text wars about it. If you're intending to see him again and have something arranged, I'd wait until you see him in person. Then ask him to delete it all in front of you.

If you're not planning to see him again, then remind him about the law and that you do not give permission to share any of it.

Try not worry, hopefully he's a decent guy.

Look, you live and you learn. Ask him in a message that you dont feel comfortable with the photos/videos shared. Please can he delete them. If he comes back with- yes i will. Keep copies of all texts. You might need those in the future.

its awful, the anxiety will be eating you up but never do this again. Personally, maybe im a prude, but the thought of sending photos of my flaps/knockers or even filming us having sex/whatever is a turn off for me. I dont understand why/how people get pleasure from this. You also cant control where they may end up. Plenty of pictures on the internet. If some bloke sends me a dick pic its a no

Even if it is unintentional it could get out, if it is exists it can be online