Disappointed in DD

[princesspadam]

She is home for the weekend with her boyf to attend an event.
yesterday we were going out with DPs parents and whilst DP wasn’t here she was moaning about going and said that DPs stepfather was ‘feeble minded’ and had no confidence in his own opinions.

i thought this was such a mean thing to say, i don’t think ive ever described anyone as ‘feeble minded’

they ended up not coming thankfully but i just feel so disappointed in her

Teenagers are self-opinionated, rude and thoughtless. None of which are attractive and all make you wonder at your parenting.

Usually, it doesn’t last. You just have to suffer it for now. However, you are always her mum and you can pull them up for it, though, and tell her, well, whatever you want, really.

She’s late 20s 😱

Then I would be pulling the Mum card big time.

Sometimes, softly softly isn’t enough.

Is it true though? Does he have no confidence in his own opinions? She didn’t say it him, nor did she it in front of your DP so I’m not entirely sure it can be described as ‘mean’.

Is she a teenager though? It was mean thing to say regardless.

Perhaps a response of "Not every one has the confidence you have" or "Some people try and see both sides of a situation, which can make them appear indecisive" would have been appropriate?

I understand your disappointment.

What did you say to her at the time?

She’s allowed to have an opinion on someone even if it’s not a kind one , she said it to you in privacy so not as though she was being rude to him or even insulting him in front of your partner .

I would have asked her just who the fuck she thinks she is. Nasty.
Presumably she's one of those 'who says it like it is' no matter how rude or offensive.

I said nothing, I was so shocked
he he wasn’t there and neither was DP

Her boyfriend said nothing either

i think if I had spoken about someone like that then my DP would have said something

She’s allowed to have a negative opinion of someone. He’s not even a relative and he wasn’t there. Not sure why you are reaching for the smelling salts.

“Not even a relative”?

Nice.

Are you actively suggesting her boyfriend should police her opinions?

There's a difference between policing opinions and challenging them.

Is you DP her father? If not, this is just her mum’s partners stepdad. Hardly the crime of the century to call him feeble minded. There are lots of men for whom that description would be pretty apt.

Is she wrong though?

She’s a grown woman - she’s allowed to have her own opinions of people.

Yeah she's bloody rude and I'd be dissapointed in her, and questioning her moral compass one of mine also in her 20s went through a "boomer" obsession I was so annoyed and dissapointed in her, I actually had a few words and it was tense between us for a while.

She's allowed not to like someone - does he just parrot other people's opinions? Maybe he gets them from TikTok 😂. I'd have just said 'that's a bit rude!' and left it to that. No need to over think it and declare yourself 'disappointed'. Do you really never think or say anything negative about anyone?

It sounds as if she was talking about the OP’s boyfriend’s dad, so yes, not a relative, unlike, say, a loving grandfather who is getting a bit doddery. Women are allowed negative opinions and they certainly don’t have to get permission from their boyfriend to state them. That’s crazy! EDITED TO SAY - mum’s boyfriend’s stepdad.

Maybe he agrees?

It's hard for any of us to say OP. Yes in isolation it could sound like a mean opinion but none of us know this man. It could be accurate for all we know.

I’m with you, I’ve said much worse about relatives and acquaintances I don’t like and don’t feel any type of way about it. Your partner and your mum are supposed to be, my mother is not, the people you can be unfiltered.

Is this really worthy of getting upset over? She voiced an opinion about someone who wasn’t even there. I’m sure we’ve all done that and had a moan about someone!

"And I didn't bring you up to be a rude, opinionated twat, but we all have our crosses to bear".

I think if she kept her opinion of the man between you and her (with her BF as onlooker) rather than saying it to a big family group, then it could be seen as just her being a bit frustrated with the situation (that it sounds like she didn't want to be involved in). I'm not sure that everyone keeping their opinions of everyone else to themselves is completely helpful and everyone needs to sound off now and again. I think I'd have got more annoyed about her moaning about going on a family trip out with an 'either stay or go but don't whinge'.