Disappointed in DD

[princesspadam]

She is home for the weekend with her boyf to attend an event.
yesterday we were going out with DPs parents and whilst DP wasn’t here she was moaning about going and said that DPs stepfather was ‘feeble minded’ and had no confidence in his own opinions.

i thought this was such a mean thing to say, i don’t think ive ever described anyone as ‘feeble minded’

they ended up not coming thankfully but i just feel so disappointed in her

’we brought you up to be someone who isn’t allowed to express opinion in private, to be a ‘if you can’t say anything kind, don’t say anything’ robot….’

No she is being a dick and if family don’t call her out on it then who will.

Strange that it’s fine for you to call her a dick but she’s out of order for saying someone is feeble minded!

I see you have no problem being extremely insulting about someone (the OP’s daughter) behind her back. The OP also feels entitled to insult her own daughter. It’s just the daughter who isn’t allowed to hold or express a negative opinion of someone?

Jesus Christ, some of these replies. She’s a grown woman and allowed to form her own opinions. It sounds like she was privately venting to you and no one’s feelings were hurt; probably because she trusts you and feels she can speak without being judged! But I suppose everyone here has never said or done anything they’re not proud of, hey?

I think it’s reasonable to say “I don’t think that was very kind” but suggesting comments like “I didn’t raise you to be like XYZ” are ridiculous for a one off incident.

Why all the hand wringing? She made a fairly innocuous comment about an acquaintance. It was more of an observation than an insult and wasn't to his face.

I can’t believe that you were so shocked that you couldn’t say anything. If you can’t call out your child what you consider to be so terrible then that’s on you.
You could have at least asked for an example, she might have a point.

There's really not enough information here. Is he feeble minded? Does she have her own reasons for disliking him?

Even with family I don't think there's any obligation to think someone is great as long as you are polite and civil to them in company. You sound like you've never heard her say anything bad about someone, nor ever had any bad thoughts about someone yourself, which seems unrealistic at best. It isn't unreasonable to dislike someone...

That wasn't expressing an opinion. It was a cruel and ableist thing to say about someone. There is a vast difference between expressing an opinion and calling someone "feeble-minded".
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feeble-minded

She's late 20's she's allowed opinions. HER opinions,

'pull the mum card' get real.

the most you can do at that age is say you don't think that's a very fair/kind/accurate thing to say. But she isn't compelled to be 'kind' nor agree with you.

Exactly

She's a grown adult, what good would "calling her out" do? Well apart from be an ego boost for the caller outer which is obviously the real reason why people love calling others out.

What??

she's an adult with an opinion, she chose to share her opinion with her Mum, not her stepdad or his father.

It seems that way as she would expect her DP to 'say something' if she'd said that.

unreal isn't it!!

And learn when to keep them to herself

Yuck. I’d have a word with her privately and say it was an unkind and judgmental comment.

Sweeping ageism there. I find most people of my age (61) to be self-opinionated, rude and thoughtless.

Teens and young people now are generally so much nicer than my generation was at that age.

Yep!

and you must be monitored by a man's thoughts on what you say.

How is she being a dick?

maybe the man us feeble minded?

Yes, strange that 🤣🤣

Yes to this tooo

It’s a pretty mild insult and more importantly, it wasn’t said to him. The man himself wasn’t insulted. He knew nothing about it. The daughter has been subjected to far worse in terms of insults and character-assassination on this very thread, including being slagged off by her own mother.

Ooh the professionally offended are here at last with their wiki posts! It was expressing an opinion and it wasn’t cruel!

The man wasn’t even there. If someone expresses opinions/beliefs etc that are in fact stupid or lack intelligence then why shouldn’t someone acknowledge that fact?

You’re disappointed in her for having an opinion on someone that doesn’t align with yours? It wasn’t even a bad comment.

It’s not her with the issue. If she’d been rude to his face or to someone close to him then you’d have a point but she’s shared an opinion with her own mum, who she wrongly felt she could share opinions with without being judged for it.

She said it to her Mum. Not to her stepdad, not to her stepdads father, not in front of others (except HER boyfriend). Why shouldn't she be able to tell her MUM what she thinks?

(sadly she clearly can't)