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Original poster

‘Partner’ rather than ‘Boyfriend’

99 replies

woodlandwonder1 · 20/05/2025 23:21

I have been with my man for over 15 years.

For the last 10 years I have always referred to him as my ‘partner’ rather than ‘boyfriend’ as I find saying boyfriend makes me feel like I’m in a high school relationship!

Someone I work with recently were surprised to learn we are not married as ‘I always referred to him as my partner - not boyfriend’!

Now I’m curious to know - Am I alone here?!

OP posts:
RuffledKestrel · 20/05/2025 23:26

No.

sheknowsitstoolate · 20/05/2025 23:27

I say boyfriend/girlfriend but wouldn’t think a partner meant married.

titchy · 20/05/2025 23:28

It’s your colleague. Who says partner when they mean husband? Confused

albalass · 20/05/2025 23:29

I've always said partner - to me boyfriend/girlfriend sounds a bit 'young' once you're past teens/early 20s.

Fortean · 20/05/2025 23:31

Past a certain age, it feels weird to say boyfriend so I wouldn’t assume someone’s partner was necessarily their husband.

CalmDownCats · 20/05/2025 23:31

I think you're using 'partner' in the correct context.

What annoys me, is when people post on here about their 'partner' who they don't actually even live with and have no great shared history - that's you're boyfriend dear, not your partner!

TwistedWonder · 20/05/2025 23:31

I though partner was the normal term when you’re an adult and you’re in a relationship more than a few months

Lonelylonelylonely · 20/05/2025 23:33

I think you're not asking the right audience here.

MN tends to have this idea that I've never heard IRL that a partner is someone you live with and not married to, but if you don't live under the same roof you are only dating and therefore bf/gf.

Personally I think partner indicates a higher level of commitment than simply bf/gf ie it's long term committed without necessarily living under the same roof. I don't really understand the obsession with having to share a home as demonstrating a level of commitment. I'm old though so I can maybe see that younger people who haven't already had children see it differently.

I think also as you get older (and you've maybe been stung financially in previous relationships), it becomes more important to maintain your financial independence, so you are therefore not so ready to move in together. Plus you might be in a position where you don't need to do so and can enjoy your own home whilst also having a committed OH on the scene.

Personally I have a partner. We don't live together. Neither of us want to, but we are not "just" dating. I think maybe things get more murky as you get older.

Danioyellow · 20/05/2025 23:39

CalmDownCats · 20/05/2025 23:31

I think you're using 'partner' in the correct context.

What annoys me, is when people post on here about their 'partner' who they don't actually even live with and have no great shared history - that's you're boyfriend dear, not your partner!

And I came on here to say the exact opposite. You’re either married or you’re not. At my age I am not using the term ‘boyfriend’, that’s for teenagers. If we’re only a few dates in and not exclusive, in my dialect I’d say ‘the fella I’m seeing’. If we’re fairly established, exclusive and at least planning to be together long term, then we’re partners. I hate posters getting jumped on and the actual point of their thread ignored because they’ve used partner instead of boyfriend

Mumofteenandtween · 20/05/2025 23:40

titchy · 20/05/2025 23:28

It’s your colleague. Who says partner when they mean husband? Confused

This. I am married. I call him “my husband”. I would never call him my partner because he isn’t my partner. That would be weird.

The trouble with “partner” is that there isn’t a strict definition. The closest O have is “live as a married couple without the certificate”.

So I guess the question is - if you were married would your most judgy relative say “oh - ok then” or would he/she say “bit of a funny marriage if you ask me”.

Danioyellow · 20/05/2025 23:43

Lonelylonelylonely · 20/05/2025 23:33

I think you're not asking the right audience here.

MN tends to have this idea that I've never heard IRL that a partner is someone you live with and not married to, but if you don't live under the same roof you are only dating and therefore bf/gf.

Personally I think partner indicates a higher level of commitment than simply bf/gf ie it's long term committed without necessarily living under the same roof. I don't really understand the obsession with having to share a home as demonstrating a level of commitment. I'm old though so I can maybe see that younger people who haven't already had children see it differently.

I think also as you get older (and you've maybe been stung financially in previous relationships), it becomes more important to maintain your financial independence, so you are therefore not so ready to move in together. Plus you might be in a position where you don't need to do so and can enjoy your own home whilst also having a committed OH on the scene.

Personally I have a partner. We don't live together. Neither of us want to, but we are not "just" dating. I think maybe things get more murky as you get older.

Cross posted but this. I do home visits for medical procedures. There’s one person I have to see daily, their partner is sometimes there during my call. She’s 78yo and her partner is slightly older, lives in the next city over and they’ve been together since last July. It wouldn’t cross my mind to refer to him as her boyfriend

BeNiceWhenItsFinished · 20/05/2025 23:54

Maybe it has changed in recent years, but I've always thought that a 'boyfriend/girlfriend' becomes a 'partner' once you have moved in together.

Having said that, I've worked in accounts for a very long time and I still associate the word 'partner' as someone in a business partnership with one or more other partners.

PickyTits · 20/05/2025 23:56

albalass · 20/05/2025 23:29

I've always said partner - to me boyfriend/girlfriend sounds a bit 'young' once you're past teens/early 20s.

I agree although lots of people have said when people say "partner" they assume the person is gay and that's why they're using a more gender neutral term to be evasive 🙄

MoistVonL · 20/05/2025 23:57

Partner is the person you live with. Possibly whom you have a long term relationship with but have chosen to maintain separate properties.
Boyfriend is shorter term or casual.

CarpetKnees · 21/05/2025 00:05

Agree with everyone else. It's your colleague that is out of sync.
If you were married, you'd say 'my husband', not partner.

Though I agree with pp who said there are a lot of posters on here who use the term 'partner' when they are still at the 'the bloke I'm seeing' stage.

Not the OP - 15 years show it is a committed, long term relationship, as do having dc, or entering into financial arrangements such as mortgage or joint tenancy agreement - but someone you've recently started seeing isn't someone I would call a 'partner'.

TheOriginalCrazyLady · 21/05/2025 00:07

DP & I have been together since we were late teens (almost 20 years now) i think he stopped being my boyfriend when, after almost 10 years together we moved in together and had DC1.
To me, a boyfriend is the term for a new / casual relationship. They become a partner after a bit of time together/ are in a serious relationship but you aren't engaged or married.

SnowFrogJelly · 21/05/2025 00:10

Nope

Anotherparkingthread · 21/05/2025 00:15

Partner is completely normal. It's also something I use because I don't always want to express the gender of the person I'm in a relationship with. I'm bi and with a man now, but the more we normalise using 'partner' the easier it is for people in gay relationships to engage with conversation and answer questions etc without having to out themselves if it's a situation they aren't comfortable in.

Tbrh · 21/05/2025 00:34

I think boyfriend is weird if you're over 25, but also I think it should really only be a parter if you live together. I wouldn't think partner was if you were married because then you'd be a husband or wife. I don't know anyone who calls their spouse their partner.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 21/05/2025 00:35

Anotherparkingthread · 21/05/2025 00:15

Partner is completely normal. It's also something I use because I don't always want to express the gender of the person I'm in a relationship with. I'm bi and with a man now, but the more we normalise using 'partner' the easier it is for people in gay relationships to engage with conversation and answer questions etc without having to out themselves if it's a situation they aren't comfortable in.

This is also why I use partner.

I have, in the past, had someone stop me and ask "sorry, you use partner, but is your significant other male or female?". While I suspected the question was entirely innocent, I did have to bite my tongue and refrain from answering "that's not relevant, and is none of your business anyway".

I deliberately use an ambiguous term because I don't see it as necessary to disclose to people I barely know which sex my partner is. The people who are close enough that I fully trust them know anyway, and it simply isn't relevant to anyone else.

nex18 · 21/05/2025 00:42

It’s a minefield once you’re middle aged! I probably use partner and boyfriend interchangeably. We’ve been together 7 years but live separately, in part because we both still have young adult children living at home. Boyfriend sounds a bit juvenile but I probably prefer it to partner which sounds like we’re in business together or playing tennis.
I wouldn’t think partner meant you’re married, I’d expect you to use husband then.

sameshizz · 21/05/2025 06:04

No if someone says partner I presume they’re not married as otherwise they would say husband or wife .

ZebraPrintt · 21/05/2025 06:08

I say partner because boyfriend just seems so childish but I also think partner makes it sound like same sex

Juscoa · 21/05/2025 06:10

Maybe it’s just my neck of the woods but partner would usually mean a same sex relationship

Juscoa · 21/05/2025 06:11

Anotherparkingthread · 21/05/2025 00:15

Partner is completely normal. It's also something I use because I don't always want to express the gender of the person I'm in a relationship with. I'm bi and with a man now, but the more we normalise using 'partner' the easier it is for people in gay relationships to engage with conversation and answer questions etc without having to out themselves if it's a situation they aren't comfortable in.

Yes this