‘Partner’ rather than ‘Boyfriend’

[woodlandwonder1]

I have been with my man for over 15 years.

For the last 10 years I have always referred to him as my ‘partner’ rather than ‘boyfriend’ as I find saying boyfriend makes me feel like I’m in a high school relationship!

Someone I work with recently were surprised to learn we are not married as ‘I always referred to him as my partner - not boyfriend’!

Now I’m curious to know - Am I alone here?!

This annoys me too. If you're not married then their family aren't your in-laws. As far as I'm aware in-law literally means they're related to you by law i.e a marriage. If there is no legally binding contract linking you then they're not in-laws.

So what is the proper thing to call them?

I’d assume ‘partner’ means you’re not married or in a same sex relationship. ‘Boyfriend’ starts to sound very silly when you’re out of your 20s.

Re the ‘in laws’ thing. My husband’s brother has a partner. They’ve lived together for 30 years. She’s never known as an ‘in law’ by any of us. Bit daft really as she’s been part of the family longer than I have. My mother in law calls me her daughter in law, but her ‘Luke’s partner’ 🤷‍♀️

When they introduced civil partnerships there was a real focus on telling people that partner was the same as married spouse and would be viewed equally.
We didn't need wives or husbands because we had partners

This thread is a good example of why it didn't seem enough

I think it’s all part of thinking-probably unconsciously- that marriage gives women status, and so not wanting unmarried women to have the status without jumping through the hoop.Because it really makes no difference to anyone else, just to the individual concerned.

Partner to me means you live with them and are in a partnership with them. Otherwise it's a boyfriend.
Or husband, if married.

😂what about “this one” 🙈😂
in response to the op:
I’m probably going against the grain a bit (I’ve seen a couple of other posters mention it but definitely in the minority) but I prefer partner, although I’m married. I just find “my husband” so stuffy and stepFord wives-ish.
However, I actually don’t give a stuff what anyone else says (although agree with pp that a 70 year old saying “my boyfriend” sounds a bit naff).
what I haven’t liked on here though is the “I can’t stand saying partner because someone might think I’m gay”. WTF? 😳

I'm married but don't particularly like the word husband. When talking to others I tend to refer to him by his first name or say 'partner'. Partner sounds a lot more equal to me, and without all the historical/gendered baggage. (I don't wear a wedding ring ore engagement ring. I didn't take his name.) We have been together thirty years and have children.

Joe's parents, Joe's brother, Joe's sister etc or my boyfriend's mum, girlfriend's dad. Just call them what they are.

Partner means not married but living together in a serious relationship, boyfriend is serious but not necessarily living together/ been together a few years but not long term, husband is when you're married. I don't know anyone that refers to their spouse as their partner.

We have been together for 35 years, we share a house and a child. Never married. I call him partner.

Can I ask what difference it makes to you?

No difference at all. It's not a big deal, it just annoys me a bit because it's not the correct term.

I watched a true crime documentary the other day, and a 16 year old girl was described as Joe’s ex-partner.
I mean, really.

Boyfriend sounds high school I agree !

Out-laws obviously.

I've only seen people be jumped on about using 'partner' where the degree of financial commitment impacts the advice that should be given. There is a distinction between a relationship where you are financially tied together vs one where you are not and there needs to be separate words to indicate that when you're on a forum asking for advice. Basically we need to get a word that means the same as 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' for adults but nobody seems to like 'gentleman/lady friend' (my Dad used this term but he'd be 87) or 'man friend'. Or you all need to start using the Scots term bidie-in for someone you live with.

The definition of partner is very loose . I would not assume anything except a committed sexual relationship that has been going on for a while .

Well I use partner as it's technically and legally correct as we have a civil partnership.

Also call my brother and sister in law that because it is factually correct.

Also agree that people can be "salty" to use my DDs terminology because unfortunately being married is still viewed by some as a woman's greatest achievement, which is rather depressing.

Tbh who cares how other people refer to their significant other. Live and let Live.

🤣my mother used to refer to my partner as her “sin-in-law”!

Partner is perfectly ok. Could be either sex and could be married or not

Yes-that is very much the elephant in the room. Marriage is still regarded by some as an achievement for women and some people don’t like other women being happily long term unmarried because it somehow detracts from their “achievement”.

Incidentally, gentleman/lady friend? No. I am not in a Carry On film. Bidey-in? No. It’s not the 1950s.
The word is partner. Like many words, any slight ambiguities can easily be settled by referring to context.

Clearly boy/girlfriend is unacceptable for adults in their thirties plus, but I'm allergic to the word 'partner' having seen it used by too many people using it to try and add legitimacy to short-term, crap relationships and being preceded by 'my current'. If you have five of them per year and your kids have started calling six different new men 'dad' in the past two years then they do not reach any kind of legitimate status in my view. Similarly going out with some bloke twice and referring to him as 'my other half'. No. Just no.

On the other hand I haven't come up with any reasonable alternative. Hearing the word 'partner' just caused some kind of Pavlovian reaction in me regarding family members who have a kind revolving door situation going on in relationships but think using the term 'partner' makes them sound less chavvy.

That’s a people problem, not a word problem. There are people who seem to regard marriage like that- there’s no need to find a new word for marriage because there are flakes.

I use 'partner', as we're in our forties so 'boyfriend' feels very silly. To me 'partner' does imply living together.

I have also been known to use 'other half' although I know some people aren't keen on it and it does cause a bit more confusion around martial status.